Getting rid of the last of it...

Kind of scary, but I used to wear the hell out of this at my heaviest and it was even a bit snug in the midsection. My fingers are at the shoulder seems. It's hard to imagine that's how wide I was. It's also very unsettling because I never felt like I was that big when I was until I saw myself in pictures. And there's not many of those around. Don't pay attention to the exercise pants I have on...the cut of these are so unflattering to the thighs, but very warm and I just wear them around the house. That's one area I have to work on.

Anyway, I won't bore you with work details...to busy and it's Friday so I want to forget for a bit. Hubby had hernia surgery last week after having mini-me pop out the week before. So he's home for a few weeks until he can get back to work...no lifting, so no work.

My weight has been staying about the same...up 3 lbs, down 3 lbs. It would be kind of nice to hit 145 just to see the number, but as long as I don't gain any more, I'm still thrilled. I've given away EVERY PIECE of fat clothing I have...including above in the Special Olympics bin last night. So, that was the last of it unless I unearth something in a well-hidden box. No going back...ever.

I spoke with the guy who works next door that got the band a few months before me and we were comparing notes. I keep thinking I could use a touch of fill since I can eat anything without problem and seem to be treading water. But I like the fact that I CAN have anything and maintain with no issues. So many of the banded people I know around here have troubles that I don't want to live with. I don't want to have that uncomfortable feeling I used to get when eating something that didn't really agree with me well. But that being said, I can eat a whole hamburger sandwich and a piece of pie. (I was stuffed, but still). I'm debating since the last time I was there was March and had a .1 unfill which made a world of difference to me. I'm afraid if they put that back in, I'll be back where I was before with the reflux and everything being uncomfortable to eat. So, I waffling a bit. With the holidays coming up, maybe I could use the extra help, but then again it could all go like it has the past 3 months.

Maybe after the next week or two I'll have a better idea if it's something I should do. Hope you are all doing well at this point. I'm amazed at the progress I see on your blogs.

And Draz - girl I'm always concerned about you. I won't even begin to say I understand depression but I really feel for you. Keep farting your gumdrops girlfriend. We love you!

A day off is.....HEAVEN!

At the last minute I took the day off today since the weather was supposed to be in the high 70's and sunny. The weekends have been crazy with no time to get the house in order. Today I spent pretty much of the morning and a bit of the afternoon on trimming shrubs, cutting down perennials, picking up sticks, washing sheets and chasing the stray cats in the neighborhood who all seem a bit friendly these days.

So now I'm taking a break and eating lunch to rest my weary back and to catch up a bit. Hubby had to work all day which was another reason I took the day off. While I love him to death, we spend an inordinate amount of time together, and the peace and quiet around the house is a refreshing change.

Gosh I looked and it's been so long since I've posted. I confess I've been a bit of a shopoholic these past few weeks. It's so easy to get wrapped up in buying clothes since they are looking so much better on me and everything fits! I bought a couple of pairs of leggings to wear with my new boots and longer sweaters. (Got to hide the thighs you know). Totally out of my comfort zone since I'm a fairly conservative dresser, but what the hell, who doesn't need to do that once in awhile. I'm pretty sure the look I'll get from Bubba will say it all.

This morning the scale showed 147 lbs - 2 lbs to go to my ultimate goal. I've been flirting with that number for the past week or so, and it's always nice to get it before the weekend for a bit of extra motivation. Bubba and I have been walking out at the Prairie quite a bit the last month and have been deer every night. Such a beautiful area to walk (for Ohio) that is. I'll have to take some pictures for you all soon.

The day has just been wonderful....the slight hum of my dryer, someone's wind chimes gently blowing, a soft breeze and some leaves chasing each other around the driveway. Just a perfect moment to relax and kick back.

Have a great weekend to all of you. Life is GOOD!

Spa weekend and other things...

I've been a bit remiss lately about the blog. Sorry folks, life is getting in the way. Last weekend was our girls weekend in Columbus. Six of us, sans husbands, went to the Hilton Polaris on Friday for massage and pedi's, dinner, dancing, and shopping. And well, some libations were apart of the festivities.

We had so much fun, or at the very least, I had so much fun! Lunch at BJ's (martini), wine in the room, wine and water at the spa, wine in the room, cosmo with dinner, and vodka and pineapple juice (several) while listening/dancing to the band. Now, I'm not much of a drinker these days. I'm usually the DD when hubby and I go anywhere since we always have a 40 minute drive home when going out with most of our friends. But I must still have it in me from the old days, because people, I can drink. The massages and pedi's were sinfully good, and the band was excellent and very well liked by the ladies. We stayed at the bar until the band was done with their set and by then I had my shoes off and went around trying to get everyone at the bar on the dance floor. I'm normally not the social butterfly that somehow came out that night, but it's amazing how much fun you can have when you put yourself out there. Had a couple of guys that seemed to be a bit more interested in something other than dancing, but I was a good girl. No hanky panky....hell they were married too! Besides I was with 2 of the SIL, how stupid would that have been. But the attention was certainly nice I will say. I don't think they realized how much they made my day!

When I finally went to bed that night I have to say the bed felt like a raft in the ocean. I can't say I ever felt loaded, but I finally realized when I laid down that maybe the vodka and pineapple juice combo went down a little too well. Sure enough, 6:30 am rolled around and I was wide awake, and feeling pretty lousy. I spent the next 3 hours going back and forth from my bed to the bathroom floor trying like hell to avoid throwing up. I can't remember the last time I had a hangover but I'm pretty sure that was my last one. The hot flashes, the shakes, the nausea, headache, heart racing, and general "I'm going to die" feeling is not one I wish to relive anytime soon. I missed breakfast. I idea of food was excruciatingly sickening to say the least. I nibbled on "gold fish" and water for awhile and then we went off shopping.

Now mind you, I LOVE Polaris mall. I did manage to find a couple of pairs of jeans at the Gap, then ended up sitting in the dressing room at Penneys several times just to gather myself. Finally I ended up a the food court and got a lemonade since I felt like I came as close as I want to passing out. If that young man had taken 10 more seconds to get me my drink, he would have been scraping me off the floor right there. That was the extent of my shopping trip. No Saks, no Macy's, no boutiques. Just sat in the food court for 2 more hours before we all decided it was time to head home.

This weekend it was friday night under the lights for the first game of the season. Last night, a party for my youngest nephew Craig who will be heading overseas to Azerbaijan in a couple of weeks for the Peace Corps. He is ready to go, although kind of having a few regrets since he has been dating someone since May that he really cares for and now he is leaving for 2+ years. He is such a great kid and I am going to miss him. I just want him to be safe over there and cared for. Apparently he lives at least 6 months with a host family and will be teaching English. After that, he can continue with a host family or move out and live on his own. I just hope it all goes well.

On the weight front, I was ranging from 148 to 149.5 all last week. But this weekend was a free for all so I'm sure I'll be up a couple of lbs tomorrow morning. It's truly amazing how that doesn't bother me. It's like now I know I have the determination to remain where I am. And once I'm back in my weekly routine my weight will start to fall again. This band has given me so much more than just a limitation to my eating, it's given me the confidence that I can sustain my weight loss and have the control to keep my weight within the range I'm comfortable. And that is priceless.

Bubba did good...

So last night hubby surprised me with dinner at Fleming's Steakhouse at The Greene with 2 other couples to celebrate my birthday this week. So, needless to say, it wasn't a great "diet" day. But ohh so worth it. I dined on roasted mushroom ravioli, bleu cheese mashed potatoes, filet mignon, chocolate lava cake, and 2 martinis. Later we walked around The Greene and he bought me a pair of Revo's I had my eye on for a couple months. Sweet! And we topped it all off with a slice to go at the Cheesecake Factory...which didn't see Sunday. All in all, a wonderful night out and oh so fun!

Today has been back on the bandwagon after the Cheryl & Co cookie this morning....but it was just one and I've been good since. So, hopefully the scale isn't too punishing tomorrow morning. I ran a few errands today and got some new pj's for our spa weekend. And a couple of shower wraps (smalls!) that were like $10 apiece. The sales at the stores are so great right now with the back to school incentives going on. Man, clothes shopping is so much more fun these days, and so much more affordable. They actually have things in my size on the sale racks now that are still great looking items. So I have to admit I bought a few jackets and pants today to at least get me started with the cooler weather to come.

We went hiking at the prairie tonight...no deer this time, just bunnies everywhere. It's still hot and oh so humid. The horseflies are horrible if you don't wear a hat on the paths. All in all, a great weekend. Bubba has a toothache that's been giving him fits now for a couple of weeks and just now mentioned it today. He has a phobia about anything dental....so let's just say it's been awhile since he's made it to get his teeth looked at. I'm afraid he's in for some major pain by letting it go for so long and trying to get this teeth and gums back in shape. It would be great if they would just knock him out, but I doubt if it would be that extreme. So, we'll see how it goes and what the damage is. He's thinking it needs pulled, I'm thinking he may need dentures at this point since he has hardly any back teeth left that are any good and has a crown or two that is damaged. So, hopefully not like a college tuition bill for the charges. Crossing my fingers...

Are YOU feeling hot???

Okay....I need a break. This hot humid weather can go away and bring some fresh air back here. It's hard to breathe out there in this crap. Hubby likes to go biking in the evening and then we stop by the track and walk a few laps, but twice this week I told him to knock yourself out cowboy, I'm going to the "Y". At least I can sweat because I worked one up, not because I'm existing. I'm simply not like Drazil....I do not look "hot" when I sweat, I look like I melted. And once that happens, only a blissful shower sets things right again.

So, last week I hit goal....actually got down to 149.5 at one point. Saturday we met with some friends and biked 23 miles on the Piqua bike trails. Hubby says he has only a 15 mile ass. Me...only 10 mile knees. Saturday night I paid for it. I woke up several times with my knee just aching. So much for feeling like I was half ass in shape. We went faster than Bubba and I normally do, and I was in my highest gear most of the time. And towards the end of the ride we had to go up the widow maker (the highest hill on the trail). 10 feet from the top, I had to bail. Nothing left in the tank. If I had a tail I would have stuck it between my legs, but I trudged up to the others, got a drink, and finished the last 4 miles. The scale rewarded me Monday morning by reading 154.5. I'm thinking of getting a new one.

So this week it's been back on the straight and narrow, logging my food choices, working out religiously and writing down my weight. Maintenance is going to show me what I'm made of....not the process of losing the weight. I'm so glad Bubba is there for me to nudge me when I really feel like being a slug. We keep each other honest when it comes to exercising.

Bubba has something planned for tomorrow he won't tell me about. But I have to be ready at 4 pm and dress "smart casual". mmmm....those are words that don't normally come out of this mouth, so I'm thinking it's more than just the two of us. And the fact that he isn't wearing shorts or jeans tell me it's something special. I've got a birthday coming up so I guess that's the reason for all the secrecy.

Next weekend 6 of us "girls" are doing a spa weekend in Columbus. Our first was last year and a great one, so we added 2 more people and it's a day of pampering and then dinner and going to see a new band Bubba and I saw at Put-in-Bay a couple of weeks ago. Here is the really weird part. Bubba and I really liked their music. At one of their breaks, the female singer came over to us and chatted and gave us their show dates for the next few months. Since we have plans to be in the Columbus area a couple of times coming up, I checked out their website and lo and behold, the girl grew up like 3 miles from where we live. And to top it off, I know her mom. We belonged to the same photography club about 15 years ago. Talk about small world.

Bubba is up at the ball diamond tonight and his friend from way back stopped by unexpectedly. He's never been to our house before so we chatted and I walked him over to where Bubba was so they could hang out. So it's just me and my laundry basket this evening. Okay and maybe a glass of wine. I'm toasting to Judi....congrats girlfriend~!

Goal!

This morning I did my usual routine. Wake up, put in my contacts, go tinkle, and then step on the scale. Well today was THE DAY! 150. Step off, step back on...150. Do it again...150. I knew if I put a camera in my hand the damn thing would read 150.5 so no picture here.

I e-mailed my surgeon this morning thanking him and his staff for all of their encouragement, support and efforts in getting me to where I am. He replied that I should get something to signify my achievement....like a diamond or something else incredibly expensive that I don't even remember. Since that is out of the question, I went to the mall this evening and looked around for something. After an hour, I came up with 3 tubes of hand cream from B&B. I really realized that I have everything I need and sure I have "wants" but, being practical at this point, didn't have anything I felt like spending money on. So I thought about the SHRM conference in September I'm going to and bought an outfit to wear for the conference. The pants look awesome and actually do make me look really nice. Something about seeing myself in a 3-way mirror kind of gives me a better idea of what I look like and I liked what I saw. For once, both my jacket and pants were a size 8. Another goal. Getting clothes in single digits. Doesn't even have to be all of them. But having a few and they fit well, that's hard to beat.

I felt very blessed to be where I'm at. I have to thank my wonderful husband for his support as well. He has been encouraging all the way, even when he had his doubts initially. He's also lost 25 lbs from both of us pushing each other to exercise. He has made this journey with me together and endured all of the plateaus, doubts, fears, periods of frustration and struggles at times. I am forever grateful to have him in my life.

I'm thinking about continuing to track my calories, weight and exercise for a few more weeks and see if maybe 5 more lbs lost can be a reality. I'd really like to see 150 at the doctor's office the next time I go, but I don't think they would appreciate it if I would strip naked in the hallway to see it. Then I will officially be 1/2 the person I used to be.

It's amazing how my overall outlook has changed since beginning this journey. I used to just kind of muddle through the day, not particularly happy and pretty disgusted with myself. Now I am better able to handle anything thrown at me, and like what I see when I look in the mirror. Sure I have saggy skin and my legs will never win any prizes at the fair, but I'm okay with that. One of my bosses today asked if I have reconsidered my decision not to have any cosmetic surgery done (we've talked about this before). I told him as much as I would like to get rid of it, that the 4-6 week recovery period, the cost, and the chance of complications or worse is something I'm not willing to put myself through. I'm happy now. I will never be perfect, but I never was and don't expect to be. I'll look at them as my battle scars and do what I can to minimize them. But what I'm able to do and how I feel right now is enough. Life is sweet!

Put in Bay...a drinker's paradise!

Hubby and I went with 2 of my friends from high school and their husbands to Put in Bay over the weekend. If you like drinking and fishing...this is the place for you. Lots of entertainment, both musical and from the crowds. We tried to do our best to party like the young'ins, but for some reason I still think we came up short.

My hubby, Bubba, decided to get his load on Friday night and ended up back at the bed and breakfast by 10:15 pm. Seriously - can you be more of a lightweight honey? I myself do not drink very much at all anymore since I'm normally the designated driver. But it was my chance to pickle my liver this weekend so I tried to take full advantage.

Saturday Bubba didn't make it out of the room until we went to dinner around 7 pm, but I sure as heck wasn't going to ruin my short weekend sitting there watching a 19" tv, so off we went in search of some fun in the sun and found it as you can see. I sure as hell wouldn't have went to one of these places at 300 lbs. So it was nice to be able to feel just as one of the "old farts" at the part instead of old and fat. Bubba missed it. There was plenty of oogling to be done from all of us. I don't think I stopped smiling the whole time we were there.

Luckily, both Friday night and Saturday afternoon I got a pretty good buzz on, but knew my limits. I do have to say the 20 minute power nap before dinner was a bit unsettling, sort of like being on the ocean on a life raft, but necessary and totally helped me last the rest of the night.

It was great to catch up with friends I don't get to see very often even though they live close by. This was the first couples trip we ever took and it went well. I hated it that Bubba couldn't join us most of the day on Saturday and hope they didn't feel like he was dissing them. But I know he was sick since the remnants were in the sink yet on Saturday morning. Ewwwww! Long gross story, won't go into details, but he was SICK!

We went to visit his folks on the way home and also stopped in to see mine to thank them for checking on the cat. Dad mentioned to me that my newly married godchild is going thru some tough times starting out her marriage. Apparently, her new mother-in-law somehow convinced her son to delay putting $7,000 they saved for wedding expenses into the bank and she ended up paying her back taxes with it, all the while my niece was writing out checks to pay for wedding expenses. And then she had the nerve to say, "oh well, you're young, you'll get over it". Wow. That is just wrong on so many levels. And to top it off, his Dad left the morning of the wedding to go back home (out of state) because his car was acting up and he didn't want to have to pay for a tux. Didn't go to his only son's wedding. I'm sure there is alot more to the story but geez. I was so upset for my niece to be having to deal with all of this as her marriage is just beginning.

I sure hope they are able to put this behind them. I know it will take alot for her to have a good relationship with her in laws at this point. It's just too sad for words. I have never even had to question or have ever given a thought to the trust I have put into my in laws and family, and so inconceivable to me that something like this could ever happen (to me). So, I'm sure my niece pretty much felt the same way from everything she has ever said to me about his family. I just pray this will be resolved peacefully and without too much animosity. Not a great way to start your life together.

On the weight front, I'm going to stay off the scale for a few days with all the liquor and gluttony over the weekend. I need my routine back, so I'm actually looking forward to Monday!

Old photos...

Many of us don't have alot of pictures from our "larger" days. I never wanted anything documented to show how big I had become, or to actually have to acknowledge the fact that I let my weight get so out of control. But I felt out of control. I felt powerless to stop. I mean, who wants to be obese? In my messed up mind I guess I felt that if I didn't have any pictures that showed me "large and in charge", then that period of my life didn't exist. Case in point...I have yet to get any wedding pictures made from our marriage, almost 5 years ago. #1 - I was about 205-210 when we were married. My hubby met me at 164. I don't like any of the pictures. Not enough to want them displayed in my home. I bought a dress that I thought would look nice and not make me look so big. But it never did fit correctly and I was still ashamed of how I looked. How sad it that? I said "Yes to the dress" not because I was in love with it and thought "this is it", but because it would be appropriate and hopefully hide my excesses.

I took my niece's wedding dress back to her parents on Sunday and kidded her that I might try it on. She was fine with it since she said she needs to get it cleaned and preserved. So, what the hell, I did. And you know what? IT FIT! It was exactly the way I would have wanted to look at my wedding. We were at my parents home when my sis wanted me to try it on, so I did and she ended up taking my picture a few times in the dress. Then Mom & Dad had to see me, then hubby and my brother in law. Jeesh! But I have to say what a wonderful feeling to get the chance to see myself in such a beautiful gown the way it should have been 5 years ago. My niece has given me a wonderful gift in allowing me to try on her dress. More then she will ever understand. God love her...

One great weekend...

The whole family was in for my beautiful goddaughter's wedding. Typical hot, humid, sunny July weekend. Friday night was the rehearsal with the dinner at the golf course and Saturday was the big day. It was great to see my sister's family all come in. My godson's wife is 28 weeks along and just glowing with anticipation for their first child to arrive. Her youngest is enjoying his 10 month old son, Danny, who is just a joy...rarely cries and squeals with delight. He's is growing so fast.

My youngest nephew is off to the Peace Corps in September so every moment with him these days holds that much more meaning. He is truly a wonderful kid with a great personality and a quiet ambition to help others. And Brad and his wife are doing so well and seem very happy. But this was Ashley's big day and she is the only niece on my side, so she holds that special place in our family. Ashley grew up a block away from me so I always felt pretty close to my brother's kids, seeing them as much as I did and going to most of their sporting events (the triple header basketball games were killers). She is a truly wonderful person with a bubbly and outgoing personality that really rubs off on you. And a beautiful bride to boot.

The day went way too fast, and the weekend far too short. But here are a few pictures of my amazing sister and I, a picture of the gorgeous bride and lastly a photo of 3 of the most important women in my life. I am so blessed to have them along for the ride!

What are you?

I got my newsletter from Katie Jay today, and she touched on some things that really ring true for me. I have reprinted it below for all of you...

This week, I want to remind us all about the psycho-logical fare we require on our journey. Because no matter how well we know what we are supposed to do physically, if we can't get ourselves to do it, we aren't going to get very far.

Deep down, most of us know these things need to be addressed, but sometimes we avoid them out of fear or a dislike for discomfort. Still, if we don't consider the truth about long-term recovery, if we don't know what the target looks like from a "mindset" perspective, how can we get there?

Many of the world's great faiths and philosophies teach us that mindset matters. Most of us have heard the verse from the Bible, "As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he."

So, here is my top five list of psychological considerations that most of us will need to face on our journeys to peace with food and our bodies:

1. On a long, arduous journey, getting help is not optional -- it's essential.

You'll need a good map, provisions, an emergency kit, a safe place to rest, sustenance, help overcoming obstacles, and insight and encouragement from those who have already made the journey.

2. When your brain chemistry is working against you, your journey will be longer and more challenging, if not impossible.

Knowing where you're going, and having your provisions, won't help if you're too depressed to get up in the morning, or too anxious to move forward. Sometimes medication and/or therapy are needed to help you stay focused and to give you the mental and emotional strength you need to stay on your path.

3. You harbor beliefs that will hold you back, so you'll need to take responsibility for rethinking and replacing the beliefs that don't serve your highest good.

Old beliefs can keep you locked in a story you tell yourself about the journey. Beliefs like, "I can't control my eating," "If I lose too much weight, I will become promiscuous," "Your time and needs are more important than mine," "You are an adult, but I can't trust you to take care of yourself -- so, I am doing it for you," "Exercise is too much work," "I can't live without chocolate," "I don't deserve to succeed," "If I lose too much weight, I'll lose my friends."

4. To create a new you (a you who can withstand the challenges of the journey), you have to be fully present for the planning and implementation process.

When you engage in escapist activities; i.e., overeating, drinking alcohol, gossiping, staying too busy, people pleasing (focusing always on others); you are not present with your own thoughts and feelings -- you're not available to support and encourage your new self.

Learning to tolerate being present with your
uncomfortable thoughts and feelings is the only way you can learn to shift away from discouraging or counterproductive thoughts and become more accepting of your entire emotional palette.

5. To find your truth, your success, your peace ... you have to head toward Reality. Anything else you desire, you'll seek, but never find.

I've heard it put many ways, but the bottom line is the truth WILL set you free -- it is the key ingredient in your recipe for WLS success. You just can't solve a problem if you don't know what it really is.

Counting calories doesn't cure depression and eating protein will not keep you from over-focusing on other people's needs. When we refuse to see the truth, we stumble in the darkness.

Many of us tell ourselves a story about why we are the way we are, but those stories may or may not be based on reality. The process of finding your truth is a critical part of your journey.

WLS is not the easy way out. But there are many ingredients you can add to your WLS recipe to gently move through the psychological, emotional, and social issues that arise as you cook up your yummy life.

Over the next five weeks, I'll discuss each of these five psychological considerations in greater depth.

From Small Bites, the email newsletter for the National Association for Weight Loss Surgery. Subscribe today and get your F'REE report, How to Regain-proof Your Weight Loss Surgery at www.NAWLS.com. (c) 2010 National Association for Weight Loss Surgery, Inc. All rights reserved.

So that brings me to my question? Are you the people pleaser? the busy bee? the gossip? What do or have you done as an escape activity in the past or now?

This is perhaps the hardest part of the journey. Finding your true self. I would rather talk about what I did than tell you my true feelings about it. I am guilty of not being present with my own thoughts and feelings. What the hell am I afraid of?

Reflecting...

I've been looking at pictures from 2007, when my sis and I went to Vegas for a girls getaway. One of the more heavier moments in my life, at least in digital form. The only great thing about the plane ride was I got a first class ticket from Atlanta to Vegas due to cancellation, and then being bumped. I was supposed to meet my sister in MSP and fly out together. But I ended up in Atlanta, she ended up in Memphis, and we met in Vegas. All in all it was a great time, except when I look back and see just how BIG I looked back then. The other pic was taken about a month ago. I'm pretty much the same weight give or take a lb or two. Thank you my lovely lap band! I remember having a really hard time getting the seat belt fastened from Dayton to Atlanta, but I'll be damned if I was going to ask for an extender!

It just boggles my mind that I never could see exactly how I looked when I was heavier. Only when I got pictures taken and even then it didn't completely register. I struggle with that now, but it's getting better. Now I'm comfortably in a 10 and still feel like I need to lose about 10 lbs to look good. But the 10 sure beats a tight 28 anyday!

I've been trying to keep a journal of my eating and exercise the past couple of weeks, during the week. Then the holiday came around and 2 weeks of hard work went out the window. I started back in the mode again on Tuesday only to come home to homemade mac and cheese my hubby made me for supper. I just cringed. He just doesn't get that I try to refrain from as much as I can from pasta, breads and sugar and have asked him not to being chips home, but he does it anyway as a reward. It just feels like sabotage even though I know he's trying to be supportive. Unfortunately, he is a foodie and looks forward to every meal. Me, I've kind of lost the thrill of it all. Don't get me wrong. I love to eat. But I want to get off the last couple of lbs and stay there. I don't want it to take a year to get there.

Anyway, I did do a complete workout at the "Y" tonight since it's so darn hot out. Tomorrow - 94 degrees. And on the East, even worse. Some friends of ours wanted us to go to the Country Concert in Fort Loramie tomorrow night but we managed to bow out of that. Been there, done that many times over and the heat and humidity and crowd is not for me. I would be a wet noodle before I even got to the concert area. Besides, Brooks & Dunn aren't there due to illness, so they scrambled and got Hank Jr and Joe Nichols instead. Seen Hank years ago, wasn't that greatly impressed.

Not much cooking for the weekend. Picking up my bike at the bike shop Friday so I can add in some different exercise. And hopefully eat better since I'm going to try and limit the eating out this weekend. We went to a pool party on Monday which was wonderful! 2 other couples, both long time friends and on such a hot day - perfect! Nothing like lying on a floatie drinking a cold beverage in 90 degree heat. Now I want to be a hillbilly and stick a floatie in our hot tub and turn off the heat so I can feel the same way I did at the pool. mmm....

Getting the focus back...

After two weeks of eating whatever I wanted whenever I wanted and totally ignoring actually having a lapband, I've finally clamped down this week and am trying to get to goal. My little escapade rewarded me with 3 extra lbs. So Monday, cause you know Mondays are the biggest "diet" day of the week, was my day to get started. I want to blame my total lack of judgment on my oven crapping out and still not working, but hey, it's the summer. When you've got a grill, stovetop, microwave, 6 crockpots...do you really NEED an oven? So far the scale has rewarded me with 4 lbs lost this week. But we'll see how the weekend fares.

Hubby hasn't been feeling well lately. Several trips to the doctor and an ER visit and they are still trying to figure out what is wrong with him. Either he is a hypochondriac or the docs are still scratching their heads on this one. He has a family history of HBP, and some musculoskeletal issues, severe acid reflux and the like and generally has been feeling like crap for the past 3 weeks. The problem is, I don't know how to help him and the frustration is starting to kick in. I also feel some guilt because I sometimes think he doesn't always help himself where his food choices are concerned and if he's serious about trying to get this under control, he needs to follow what the doctors tell him.

On top of that, my migraines have been flaring up the last week. Hell I didn't get 1 ounce of sleep last night, even after taking my meds for it. Last weekend was a bit freaky when I instantly got a headache behind my one eye (my usual spot) and when I went to the bathroom I notice that I had a broken blood vessel in my eye. Of course it was like 11 pm on a Saturday night when it happened, so I checked online and it sounded like it isn't that uncommon, so I let it go. Scary though.

Hubby and I are staying home this weekend, or that's the plan. It feels like we've been running around so much on the weekends that by Sunday night we've totally missed relaxing and enjoying the time off work. Need a break from the go-go-go.

Hope you all have a great weekend and do something fun (for me!).

Is it apathy, fear, or what?

I'm down to my last 5 lbs. Stubborn son of a bitches. I can't say that I've been knocking my socks off trying to lose them, but I can't say I've changed anything in the way of food or exercise either. My last weight loss attempt got me within 14 lbs of my goal before I started to digress. So I'm trying to wrap my head around the reason. Not the apparent one of maybe upping the exercise etc., but if I'm afraid of getting to goal. Do I really feel so unworthy that I sabotage myself subconciously? Or am I just slacking off because I've heard a few comments that I don't need to lose anymore.

I don't have a problem accomplishing any goals I've set for myself in the past - as long as they're not weight-related. So, why do not feel the urgency now to finally get to the finishing line, so to speak?

My godchild/niece's wedding is in mid-July and I was so wanting to get to my goal by then. I've bought several dresses for the wedding so I have some choice in what I want to wear. It's more than motivation, or lack thereof, and I can't put my finger on it. Do I fear that if I get to my goal I won't be able to stay there? Or am I afraid that I'll finally realize "is that all there is? - so now what?" I've never been in the position of learning how to maintain my weight, so it would be new territory. Is that it?

Might be a question I have to raise at the next support group meeting. Can anybody relate to this?

Just call me Martha Stewart...with a bit of Paula Deen thrown in

Yesterday was my hubby's 49th birthday. So instead of taking him out to dinner as usual, he suggested we go to the prairie and hike and have a picnic. That was the plan in the morning. By 5:30 we were in the car and heading off for the hike. Well Mother Nature was a little angry last night and kicked up some ferocious weather on the way. So much so that we turned around and as we pulled in the driveway the tornado siren went off in town. By the time we turned on the TV we realized that exactly where we had been was where the rotation was...right when we were there! I didn't see any whirly gigs, but it was nasty and blew up in a hurry. Needless to say, our picnic ended up on the back porch.

After "dinner" - and I say that loosely because it consisted of cold meat sandwiches and potato chips, I decided to whip up some homemade granola bars. I saw a recipe in the Food Network magazine and I made my own version with the measurements given of various items in the recipe. Packed with protein, great source of fiber, and admittedly pretty damn good if I say so myself. I like to say they were healthy due to the Kashi cereal, oatmeal, craisins, nuts....but they also had butter, condensed milk and peanut butter in them. Tasty yes, but also packed with calories I'm sure. I gave alot of them away at work today.

This morning I turned on my workstation and got a great NSV in the form of an e-mail from the guy who owns the business next door. He just wanted to let me know that one of his employees asked him the other day who the new person in the office was next door driving the silver SUV as she was one hot chick. He told them that there wasn't anyone new and that it was me. He said he just wanted to let me know that people have noticed and that I was looking good. Love those kind of "make my day" moments. They seem to come more and more frequent. (I probably was old enough to be the guy's mother - if he had only gotten closer).

Kind of sets the tone for the whole day...sure beats the "shit rolls downhill" kind of days!

Yee Haw!

Hubby and I got back from a long weekend in Nashville last night with family/friends. What fun! We stayed a few blocks from the 2nd & Broadway entertainment district so we didn't have to do alot of driving once we arrived. The flood waters have all receeded and most of the bars and shops on 2nd have opened back up. They have all done an amazing job at getting the city back on it's feet. It's really a tribute to the people of the city, and the "powers that be" that have lead the way in reviving the area so quickly. Once in awhile you would get a whiff of the musties here and there around Broadway due to the flood, but really almost everything seemed pretty well back to normal.

There were alot of homeless wandering around which was sad. Tent city was flooded down by the river and many have relocated to different areas during the day. Even though there were many, they were all pretty friendly and liked to talk. It was sad to see so many with so little.

We spent a good deal of time in the entertainment district, then at a brewery up around Vanderbilt University, the Belle Meade area, and lunch at the Loveless Cafe for their wonderful biscuits and preserves. The peach is to die for! Had to bring a jar home even though I don't normally eat much in the way of jam/preserves but damn was that good!

Saturday night we took in the Opry show at the Ryman which was great and felt like a treat since normally the shows aren't performed there, but due to the flooding of Opryland, they have been relocated to the Ryman on the weekends. We met a few of the band members from Exile in the alley along with the Whites. A tradition in Nashville to meet/greet performers on the show. All in all a great time.

I was a bit concerned with the way my band would act with the traveling. It seemed a little tight the night we arrived. Everyday was a bit uncomfortable to eat since we went with people who are fast eaters, and as you bandsters know, that doesn't bode well with the band. I did okay until the way back. We stopped in Louisville for a sandwich (problem #1), while traveling (problem #2) with T.O.M. (problem #3). I ordered a meatball sandwich (problem #4) and tried to eat what I could while we were sitting there. Well, I proceeded to slime a little afterwards, and then threw up in the car 3-4 times before we got to a rest area. And the bag burst, so I ended up wearing it. Ugh! I was so embarrased since my SIL was with us in the car. So after a new pair of pants and a little cleaning up, I was okay after that. Not fun. And totally my fault for ignoring what I already knew would be a difficult day.

Today we spent some time with my folks who came over every day and fed our Stueycat and watered the flowers. Spent some time reflecting on what Memorial Day is really about and glad to be home, safe and sound.

To those in the military, who had ever been in the military and for those who have given their lives for our liberties.....THANK YOU for your service and your sacrifice. You are the reason I get to do what I do, say what I want to say, and live the way I live. I am in awe of your dedication and sense of duty.

Oops...

I've been a little remiss in my postings lately. Guess the stalled weight feels like everything else is in limbo too. Feels like I'm still trying to catch up from the weekend. We had a couple of friends over Friday night and went to Cassano's (the most wonderful pizza). Saturday we were up and at 'em working around the house, then it was off to a bridal shower for my godchild in the afternoon. No sooner than I get home, we are off to Celina to visit my hubby's folks and a friend that had knee surgery last Monday. Off to dinner and then home late. Sunday it was the Dayton Dragons game with another couple and dinner and home just in time for the sun to set. Felt like my weekend was a blur with not much at home accomplished.

On the band front, I have to admit that my food choices haven't been the best lately. Entirely too much eating out and grazing in the evening. I like to think my food choices are better but the fact is I shouldn't be eating it at all. Hubby and I drove down to West Chester last week and ended up at a Gap outlet to try on some jeans. I have this pair from 6-7 years ago that fit like a glove...curvy fit, a little ratty, but just loved the feel of the fit on my body. Well, they are getting a little too baggy to look good anymore so I wanted to try and find a pair that fit just as nice.

So, the outlet doesn't have exactly the best selection, but I tried on the 3 different "fits" that I thought would work and they ALL fit. Can't say any of them fit as wonderfully as my old pair, but they fit well enough to buy. And to boot, like $13.99 a pair! Get out! Felt like a major score.

I've pretty much overhauled my whole closet with new clothes and a few oldies but goodies from a few years back. The largest size I have kept is a 12, so there is absolutely NO going back at this point. I'm somewhere between a 10 and a 12, so I think maybe 5 more lbs ought to do it.

For the first time in what seems like ages, I feel pretty good about wearing sleeveless tops. Yes when you hold your arms a certain way you can really see the excess skin, but most of the time they look pretty good. The strength machines really do help with the toning...and the protein. I just need to get my mind back in the game to get the last few lbs off. Time to actually hit the goal and not just get close.

Vlog Day....

I don't get it...I still feel fat

I've been messing with the same 2 lbs for several weeks now. I'm comfortably in a size 12 and even get a size 10 jean on that is tighter than I personally would wear, but seem to see many an ass plastered in tighter ones. I can feel my collar bones, ribs, hip bones and my spine very easily. When I hold a pair of pants up, they don't look very large to me and yet when I get dressed in the morning, I still seem to see the same middle-aged woman 40 lbs ago. WTH!

When I was much heavier, I always thought I looked way better and thinner than I was until I was bitchslapped into reality by an errant picture here and there. Now it seems like my mind is playing a not so nice game with me that I don't want to play.

I'm taking some time off work next week for me time. Time to get out and do some physical work around the house, spend some time in the sun, catch up on my exercise at the Y, and work on cleaning out all the clutter in my house. Mostly though it's the mental break I'm looking forward to. Need a break from the weekly routine to recharge the batteries and refocus my energies. I'm really hoping for some great weather.

New appreciation for my surgeon...

During the week I tend to check out my bariatric surgeon's forum to see what is up with the other banded patients of his. And today one of the posts reaffirmed by belief that I picked the right doc to do the job. Made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside...

I went ahead and copied it here if you would like to read it because it's really quite refreshing to hear about a doc who will go out of his way for his patients. I did omit their names for privacy reasons.

Post 1

Re: emergency procedure
Dr. Watkins is Awesome!!! (the staff are great too) I was in the hospitalvomiting, fever and spasms with the flu. After giving me some meds fordehydration they were going to send me home but I insisted that something elsewas wrong. They rolled their eyes and said that nothing was wrong. I asked if itwas possible that something was wrong with my band since I kept having seriousspasms in my stomach area and finally they ordered a cat scan. Turns out that Idid have a problem but no one there could help me. Dr. Watkins came to thehospital at 3:30 in the morning to treat me! The nurses couldn't believe it andsaid they would definately refer anyone considering the band to his office. Itwas also a deciding factor for my friend to have it done by Dr. Watkins and didso a few weeks later. His dedication to his patients is amazing. It took a fewweeks but I'm back on the mend and looking forward to continued healthy living.I realize now that I can't do this alone so I'm eager to meet some of my "bandedfamily" at the next support group and staying in touch via this site

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Post 2

I wanted to express my thanks and utmost appreciation for all of the staff andcrew at CWLC and especially Dr. Watkins for everything you did for me this lastweekend. I was deathly ill for three days with severe vomitting finally driving me to the emergency room Friday in the wee hours of the morning. After much deliberation about whether to actually treat me because I am a band recipientand it was not performed locally, they finally did a CT scan to check the band and its placement. During the CT scan they said the band looked fine and diagnosed me with a kidney stone. I was sent home with pain meds and zofranonly to return the to ER a few hours later when I couldn't keep the meds downand I was too exhausted to fight the pain any longer. This time it took hours to get back to be seen and even longer to convince them to give me via IV thesame meds they prescribed for me at home. After CT scan, swallowing studies,and enough poking and prodding they said that my stomach appeared dilated and I needed surgery torelease it. Of course, their Bariatric surgeon was out himself. They kept speaking of transferring me here or there to find someone available for the process. In the mean time I called CWLC and was speaking with Holly and Christina. I spoke with the surgeons and nurses regarding removing fluid from my band as Christina recommended. The nurse herself even had a band and still fought me tooth and nail. Dr. Watkins was prepared to come to Huntington WV himself to take a look at my situation with no help from the "medical professionals" here. A surgeon in the meantime withdrew what fluid he could. As they kept speaking of transferring me elsewhere I insisted on knowing the name of the doctor that was willing to help me, that I didn't want transferred to sit for two days like I have already. I never received an answer so in themean time Dr. Watkins arranged for immediate surgery at West Chester. We asked for discharge, which they were eager to issue me, and started towards Cincinnati. We had not even pulledinto the Medical Center parking lot when my insurance had been precertified, a wheelchair was awaiting me at the entrance, and I was taken straight back to begin work-up. I was given more attention in the first five minutes there thanin hours at my home hospital! Within an hour I was in surgery where (if I understand this correctly) my stomach had dilated beyond all hope, had strangulated itself on my band and blood flow was cut off to the lower portion of my stomach. Essentially my band had to be removed and I'm on major restrictions as I allow my stomach to heal. I was told I was 2 out of 5000 banded patients to have to have their band removed due to anything remotely like this - why me! BUT out of it all I am truly BLESSED to have CWLC and Dr.Watkins by my side, not to mention the big man Himself! I owe my life, especially my quality of life, to Dr.Watkins, the nurses, anesthesiologist, and all the other crew I am omitting at this point. The facility was top notch, the employees seemed to ENJOY being there, and my treatment was AMAZING! We now know that if anything arises, we're in the car straight to Cincinnati first thing! May each of you receive a bit ofconfidence knowing the dedicated, trustworthy, knowledgable, and truly caringstaff here for each of us. The road to recovery is going to be a lengthy one and scary for me knowing Idon't have my band behind me right now. You may see me at the occassional support group and I will need motivation and support more now than probably ever. Again, I cannot express my thanks enough! Thank you each and every member of CWLC and may God bless you every day! With my deepest appreciation, E. H. (always banded in heart)

It's a wonderful feeling to know that he is there for you when you need it, but it also poses the question of how much do we really know about all the ramifications of what can happen with the band and how much do we have to be prepared? I think you can research until you're blue in the face but does anybody really think this kind of thing can happen to them? I mean....CRAP! If she would have waited any longer or went to another facility that didn't know what to do, what would have happened? Kind of scary to think about. Also makes me want to make sure I treat my band better. I would seriously hate to have to get it taken out at this point. For those of us who haven't had any problems....we are blessed!

My husband the porn star...

Ahhhh, made you look! Last night hubby decided it was time to shave off the goatee he's been sporting for the past few months. Naturally for him, it doesn't come off all at once. No, too easy! So, he shaved it off his chin and now has his mustache all the way down past his jaw line. To top it off with his flannel shirt on last night, he looked like a dude right out off the show "My Name is Earl". He decided to go to work today with it as a gag. Man I hope it's only a one day gag. Between that and him in his skivvies shaking what his mama gave him in front of me last night I lost all of my libido in like a nanosecond. Seriously dude, you look like you plopped right out of the 70's!

In other news, my scale blessed me with a new number this morning...157. Well, first it was 156.5...down a whopping 3 lbs from yesterday, but after the happy dance a couple of times, it stayed at 157. So, 7 lbs to go and then comes the maintenance part. I can't even imagine what it will be like to not be trying to lose weight! It's been my life's work. I've never actually ever got to my goal weight before in losing weight. And to be honest I'm not sure how I'm going to feel when I get there.

White pants...

Well a couple of days ago I wanted to return the jeans I bought at Kohls that were just too long, so naturally I looked over the racks while I was in there. Since I'm in new territory with the weight loss, none of my previous clothes that I had kept fit that great anymore, so I thought I should get myself some new crop pants. And yes, there in the rack tucked away past all the blue jeans, twills, and cargo pants, were a small section of white crop pants. And they had a 12...do I dare?

Well, along with the dozen or so other pairs I tucked the white crop pants under my arm and headed for the dressing room. I found several pair that were worthy of gracing my new bottom before I tried the white pair on. Finally, the last pair to go, and there they were...mocking me. Really, do you think your ass is going to look any better in these than before? Luckily I had enough confidence in myself after several successful pairs to go ahead and try them on. And viola! They fit! Not only do they fit, but they actually don't make my butt look like it should have a yield sign on it! So, I am the new proud owner of white crop pants. The first pair of white pants/shorts/crops since like...high school?

Major NSV. Major. Now I need a tan. Former pear shapes unite!

Vlog day...04/18/10

Skype, surgery and stuff...

Okay so Tuesday I broke down and went to Staples and bought a webcam. Since my dear old sis lives so far away, it will make a much better way to communicate with the whole Skyping thing than trying to balance my cell phone on my shoulder for an hour. When she was home she set our parents up and I have to admit, I was more than interested at the time, but my mind was more on the literal pain in the butt I was having.

You see, it's been what almost 3 weeks since I've posted? Anyway, I won't bore you with the details except to say that the cyst I had near my poop shoot turned into being a fistula. I had surgery this afternoon to remove/drain/suture up the area. Thank God for good drugs! The Vicodin is working great and minimal pain. Great surgeon, great anesthesiologist and I'll say great support from the nurses. Hopefully, this is the end of the drama for me at least.

This past week has been quite an emotional ordeal for me. At my appointment with my surgeon earlier this week, I found a long time friend I haven't seen in almost a year filling out paperwork in his office. Ironically I posted a note on her Facebook page the night before about getting together. So it was quite a surprise to see her sitting at that particular surgeon's office at the very time of my appointment. Since they called me in first, I told her I would wait for her. And I'm glad I did. She found out that she has several tumors on her thyroid and needs another ultrasound before he decides the best course of action. She was pretty emotional about it so we went out for dinner and talked for quite awhile. She lost her husband 2 years ago of a massive heart attack (no warning whatsoever and an avid hockey player to boot) and both her parents are gone. But wonderful Jackie has many many friends and brothers and sisters to support her along the way.

And to top it all off, one of my bosses has a son diagnosed with a brain tumor last week almost 3 inches long at all of 12 years old. It was affecting his peripheral vision and he was having some neurological symptoms as well. They did surgery yesterday (9 hours, 20 minutes) and I found out this morning that it was a success. Docs think they got most of it, and so he may have to have radiation, but his prognosis is excellent according to the family. Full recovery. Amen!

So you know, this morning I had my annual pap smear and exam and called the head boss to find out the news about his grandson and had to put my issues into perspective. After dreading today as much as possible, knowing I was getting poked and prodded from the "innie" to the "outie", I went to the hospital a whole lot more calm and thankful for the minor inconveniences of the day.

Thank you God for a wonderful day...now please help Jackie.

Sis in town...

Well my banded sis came home Wednesday night for a week. So...yesterday I took the day off work and we spent the WHOLE day shopping! Left at 8:30 am, drove to Cincinnati to Kenwood Towne Center, then the Cincinnati Premium Outlets, then back up to Dayton for a few more stops. Other than the weather, the trip was great! I went to get some crops pants for the spring/summer, and came home with 16 shirts and a pair of jeans instead. But hey, the shirts are cute. Pretty much got rained on the whole afternoon at the Outlet center...why oh why do they think everyone wants to be outside no matter what the weather in Ohio? By the time we made it north to Troy, the rain had turned to snow, and by the time I dropped my sis off at the parents, they had an inch on the ground and it was accumulating on the roads. By this morning, tons of ice on the road and really treacherous! Luckily, I only work about 1 1/2 miles from my home so it's not a big deal, but wow what a difference in the weather. Wednesday night hubby and I walked outside with barely a jacket on. Even yesterday morning when we started out, neither one of us wore a coat or even a light jacket.

The "cyst" - or mini me as my sister fondly would call it, still hurts and I'm so hoping the surgeon doesn't try and drain it again or that I have to have surgery. I seems to have gotten smaller, but it still is uncomfortable. I'll try not to get panicky about that and remember to take my Motrin before I go for my checkup Monday.

Fish fry tonight at the bowling alley with hubby's brother and wife and watch some basketball. On the band front, I keep bouncing around and am up 2 1/2 lbs since my lowest. Not thrilled about that, but mini-me is taking precedence right now. And I am feeling better with the slight unfill last week so I'm not going to obsess about the scale. Still lovin' the band though!

NOW I know what hurts the worst...TMI

One thing about being banded that has come up (or failed to come out) is constipation. Wow, when I get it, it takes softeners, laxatives, and sometimes (as hubby calls it) the TNT sticks to help things along. Then, if that isn't enough the ole hemorrhoids rear their ugly heads and make life miserable for a few days. Well, here I was lying in bed last Tuesday and thought, why is it so painful "down there". Haven't had a trouble of late. Then when I was taking my shower in the morning I felt a fairly large lump near the poop shoot and was a little concerned to say the least. Something different, something internal. The more I sat at my desk the more worse it hurt. So after a call to the doc's office (at least I got the female NP) to check out the "problem" and the prodding that ensued...very uncomfortable I might add...she said it seemed to be a cyst and said she would try and get me over to a surgeon's office right away. Huh?

Okay, so about an hour later I'm in with the surgeon and lo and behold he is going to drain this thing right now. By this time I've forgotten all of my inhibitions and have no qualms about showing my hind end to anyone. Well, the Mennonite nurse forewarned me that the numbing meds don't really work down there very well. Hell the shot itself (picture in your mind getting a shot about 1/2" from the poop shoot) was about to send me into orbit. Then he proceeded to make an incision and I yelled "good God" and immediately felt horrible with the nurse standing there. I'm glad that is all that came out. Then went in some instrument as I'm taking long deep breaths and then the packing strip he placed inside as I'm trying not to embarrass myself too much. But by this time I'm shaking, then come the cold sweats and the woosh in my ears and yep, I'm ready to pass out. I tell the nurse to not wake me up until he's done if I do, but no such luck. The nurse gave me smelling salts...a good healthy dose actually. That's the longest I've felt like passing out when I didn't do the deed. And I can count the number of times I've passed out on one hand in my life. After about 10 minutes later, I'm finally with it enough to leave the office. The bottom feeling definitely better, me not as well. Watch me meet up with that doc again in the grocery store or something. Wonder if he'll remember my "face"?

Entering new territory...

I was sincerely amazingly happy when I reached my mini-goal of 164 lbs. Last time there....over 6 years ago. Well let me tell you...the scale has finally been moving and this morning I clocked in at 162. Yes, I did the step on the scale 3 times thing to make sure it stayed there and wasn't just an aberration. And it did. Each time. I am now the lowest I've been since I was a senior in high school. 28 years ago. I feel like I'm in unchartered waters. The body hasn't bounced back like I'd hoped, but hey I look pretty decent in clothes, so I won't complain.

So what did I do today? Packed up all the "too big" clothes and put 3 bags in the Special Olympics bin in front of our local grocery, and gave several piles of clothes to my SIL who was banded in October. Getting it out of here. I don't want to keep anything to make it easy to slide backwards. Been there done that and not doing it again!

I really hope everyone with me on this journey meets and exceeds every single one of their goals. It has been an all-encompassing life changing experience that I wish everyone could have who has struggled with their weight. I feel like I've been given such a gift....quite simply my life back. Life is grand!

NOT an NSV....and SV! Mini-goal reached!

To quote Buck Owens..."woke up this mornin', happy as could be". Well okay, not quite. Had a freaking migraine at 4 in the morning that kept me up and a couple of hours until the drugs kicked in, but when I did finally get up and stepped on the scale....HOT DAMN! Today's the day! Clocked in at 164 lbs...the same weight as when I met my husband. And, the last time I hit this weight since high school. Can't tell you how good I feel today emotionally! From here it's all a bonus!

My next mini-goal is 159 lbs - the weight where I will not longer be considered "overweight". And then my ultimate goal is 150 lbs. Which I'm afraid is going to take awhile, but I'm trying to keep the accomplishments in perspective.

Saturday hubby and I went and picked up our new SUV. Loving it so far! We decided on the GMC Terrain with almost all of the bells and whistles since we already have a full-size SUV. I love the excitement I get when getting a new car! Feels like I did when I was younger. You see, I LOVE to drive. Always did. Mom and Dad couldn't get me out of the driver's seat once I got my license. I do probably 95% of the driving when hubby and I are together...mostly because when we go out he does like his craft beers and me, I rarely drink anymore, so it just makes sense. Driving is my catharsis, okay except when you get an a**hole driver around you, but for the most part, I thoroughly enjoy it.

Over the weekend I have to say my band didn't want to cooperate with me too much. Maybe it's due to the TOM, but Saturday I struggled both for lunch and dinner. Not fun when you go out with friends. They all know I have the lap band, but it still doesn't look good when you keep having to leave the table and go to the bathroom. Plus, I woke up with a head cold on Friday which I'm sure didn't help matters. The whole combo is giving me reflux at night so if the ole persnickity doesn't settle down in the next week, I'm going to have to go down to Cincinnati and have a little taken out. I really, really, really don't want to...but I've got to look at this for the long haul. I want to win the war.

Movement :)

This is the first Monday in what seems like ages that the scale did not punish me for my excessiveness over the weekend. I woke up today the same weight as Saturday. Get out! So hate to say this, but I'm pretty happy today. I hate to think that my emotions are still being controlled by what my scale tells me in the morning. I'd like to think that I'm past that by now. But the slow progess in the last month really threw me for a loop after having such a consistent weight loss during this journey. I know Jack Sh*t, slow and steady and keeping focused on the goal is best, I really don't know how you keep your mindset on the straight path.

I bought some protein shots last week online after hearing such great things about them. Guess what? They smell like pee and the taste is just slightly above pee. Orange flavored pee. Can't even tell you what my husband said about them. I've got 44 of them left and am going to pass a few out at our next support group meeting. The rest will still take me a year to get through I'm sure. The only thing good about them is that you can throw one in your purse for those days when you're concerned about your intake. That is it!

Hubby and I went with our friends furniture shopping on Saturday. Nine furniture stores, Sam's club, a clothing store, a sporting goods store, 2 fitness stores, and super market, and lunch & dinner. Oh, and the BMV stop I had to make. It was a full day. And do you believe our friends still couldn't find any leather furniture they liked. Honestly, we probably saw a couple of hundred living room sets Saturday and they didn't find a thing. This was their 3rd week of furniture shopping. I think they have many more in their future. We settled on a couple of Flexsteel chairs and I need to order my dining set/server and end tables yet. We found someone that will take out old stuff that had a fire so at least it's being put to good use. I'm just happy to get rid of it.

Tonight we're looking at a new SUV. Getting rid of the convertible. Crap. I really like that thing. The year after we were married, my husband and I bought a PT Cruiser convertible - red, turbo. We drove it to Maine (shipped our clothes there) and back - taking mostly back roads on the way home. What a great trip! We also have taken it to the Upper Peninsula in Michigan and over to the Twin Cities area and a few day trips here and there. We've had alot of good times in it, but hubby is ready to make a change since we aren't blessed with a 3-car garage. Practicality is going to reign over having fun I guess. There is something about the wind in your hair and getting a tan effortlessly that I just loved. Just feels like kind of a downer.

Today starts the beginning of what is it - Nutrition month of something? I guess that is as good reason as any to re-commit to being on the straight and narrow food-wise. I would really just like to know why my body is so screwed up. I lose weight when I eat crap and don't exercise more than when I watch what I eat and do. It's hard to stay motivated when your metabolic makeup really doesn't reward you when you are on your best behavior. Where's my warm fuzzy? Where's my reward for continuing to work out and eat healthier? The past 4 days we haven't gone to the "Y" and haven't worked out. Ate whatever we wanted. And I'm not being punished. I'm the kind of girl that needs that positive reinforcement to continue doing the right thing and what is happening is not helping me one bit. But that being said, I am committed to exercising and striving to eat better if only to keep my knees and my back from hurting. I like the "new" me. And logically I know it's making me feel better, look better and be healthier. It would sure be nice if my scale would appreciate the effort!

Pouch test review...

Day 1 - not too bad. Day 2 - the crevices of my belly burned from lack of substance. Day 3 - heaven. Day 4, Day 5 - more heavenly. After it was all said and done, I lost about 1 lb. After the weekend, I was back up 3 lbs. WTF?! We went out to a fish fry Friday night and that was probably my worst meal of the weekend...a little butterfly shrimp, baked potato. Saturday hardly anything at all except for 2 squares of pizza at the wonderful Cassano's. There must be a lb. of salt in each square because I always gain weight if we go there. Sunday, pretty much nothing until dinner when I made chicken piccata and fingerling potatoes. But all in all, no more than 5-6 oz per meal. It's really disheartening when you go through the pouch test to try and shake things up and nothing happens.

I know, I know. Pizza, shrimp. Not the most healthy things to choose. Knowing my personality, I'm trying to allow myself a few things here and there so I don't feel deprived, because that's the kiss of death for me. So the weekends are a little indulgent, but during the week I keep my diet pretty strict. I don't eat alot of red meat anymore. Mostly chicken (pan seared then baked) and baked fish. Protein shakes, cottage cheese, yogurt with Kashi cereal, etc. Elliptical for 30 minutes about 5x/week with 20-25 minutes on the strength machines. A heck of alot more than I used to do when I dieted, but for some reason, nothing's happening for the past month. I'm just asking for 15-18 more lbs. Please.

I'm trying to keep positive, that I feel better, look better, my knees don't hurt hardly at all anymore. More energy, no more back problems, sleep better, happier, and one heck of alot healthier. But like all - I want more. I guess I have to decide whether or not I want to put an absolute 100% into it, deprive myself of everything not "band appropriate" and take the risk that it may backfire on me psychologically.

I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing for now, give it another month and see what happens. In the meantime, I posted a couple of pics to remind me just how far I've come. The one picture is from 2007 - after I lost 136 lbs and gained the majority of it back. And the other pic is from a couple of weeks ago. A little deflated -

Day 3 - Pouch test

Okay...I would like to say the 2 days of liquid dieting were hell, but I can honestly say that until last night, it all went pretty well. No hunger pains until about 8:30 last night, then it was white knuckles until bedtime. Luckily, today is soft proteins. So I've had my requisite protein shake this morning, followed by 2 egg omelet and 2 oz of cottage cheese at lunch. Can't say I was really full, but not hungry either. And it did take me 25 minutes to eat it instead of 15. I had to wait about 5 minutes for the cottage cheese to go down, so I gave myself some extra time to eat. Can't tell you how good lunch was! Later on I plan on having a couple more ounces of cottage cheese and then a piece of baked tilapia tonight for dinner.

The scale rewarded me for my diligence this morning and I am officially at 166. 2 lbs from my mini-goal....16 from my ultimate goal. YES! Amazing how you can lose 3 1/2 lbs in 1 day. Must have been all the sodium in the chicken broth from the last 2 days working its way out.

I have to say that this little test has helped to put me in the right frame of mind again. Even though I have chocolate...GOOD chocolate in the house, I haven't touched it since this began. Not once.

DH and I have been working out 4-5 times a week at the "Y". Monday, we went to the one in Minster since it was closer to our tax preparer than our local one. They have totally different strengthening machines than our local "Y" and I'm still feeling the effects on my inner thighs and arms. Pretty much look like an 80 year old walking around work today.

I'm thinking by the next week I can get off these last 2 lbs for my mini-goal. It's nice to see a "new" number for a change! Plateau's stink...even if there only for a couple of weeks. I'm not a patient person when it comes to the scale. I need validation...a "gold star", for a job well done from my scale. Not the same number over and over again like someone's got their big toe on the end of it. Who doesn't like a gold star? We get so little of them these days!

We ended up not having our support group meeting last night due to the weather. I'm so very tired of snow. Oh wait, ICE. Tired of ice. Tired of feeling like I'm stuck at home, even though we've been out and about. Stueycat is even tired of it. There is only so much you can watch the birds eating out at the feeder you know!

Valentine's - starting anew

DH and I had a great weekend together. Saturday we actually WENT to a movie...the first in probably 4+ years. DH would rather watch them at home. Me? I like the whole experience. He found a movie he wanted to see (that I also would see) in Dayton, so we drove down there for the day and saw Crazy Heart with Jeff Bridges, had dinner, went to the mall and a few other places and then back home. Sunday, we went to Huber Heights and goofed around strip mall shopping, grabbed a bite to eat and lounged around on the couch and caught the end of the Daytona 500 - which I taped before we left and it was STILL on when we got home! Wow, what a marathon. Glad to see Junior did well - still my sentimental favorite.

I began the 5-day pouch test today. After 3 days of heavy eating and eating all the wrong foods, and eating even when I wasn't hungry, I figured it's time to go back to basics. I haven't done the liquid thing since surgery and can't say I'm looking forward to it, but since the doc said at my last visit that I had a slight dilation, it's probably wise to give the old thing a rest. Ugh! But, a good week to do it since I'm busy tonight getting our taxes done and tomorrow with support group meeting. By the time I hit the "Y" after, it will be 9pm or so and that should be easy enough to finish the day up without eating since I don't like to eat past 8 anyway.

I've never done the 5-day pouch test, but a few people from our weight loss center that have said it really helped them get back in the right frame of mind. Let's hope. I'm way too close to screw up now. This morning the scale punished me with a 2 lb weight gain since Saturday. Hopefully we'll be friends by the end of the week. I am wanting to get to my mini goal weight by the end of next week - 164. By tomorrow I'm sure I'll be hungry enough to eat wood. Lord, please give me strength on this one!

Okay, here goes the dress

We are getting blasted with snow right now. I had taken the day off to get some things done at home. Since DH was off too, we called up my folks and took them out for lunch and then played cards afterwards. The snow started coming right as we ended our walk this morning and has continued all day long. The problem is, the wind also kicked up and the drifting is causing alot of problems. So it's nice to be hunkered down this evening while the wind is blowing and the drifts continue to build. Our supposedly busy weekend just may end up being us holed up in the house if it decides not to let up.

So, with time on my hands and clothes of various sizes in my closet, I got to work cleaning out more stuff I don't need. And tried on "the" dress I had on when I first met my hubby on a blind date. It's still tight, but could't resist. Another 5-10 lbs and it should look pretty good. Not that I have anyplace to wear it, but it sure feels good that I am THAT close to my mini-goal.

I think the rest of the race will be slower than a Turtle

Well I jumped on the scale this morning to find that I'm FINALLY 1/2 lb down after about 2 weeks. Thank you Jesus! I still can't figure out my pretty consistent weight loss and then suddenly the somebody just slams on the brakes.

But, that being said, this is one of the weeks that I should be losing, so I'll keep my eyes peeled in the morning. I have one 1 lb to go for the Valentine's Day Challenge which makes me feel pretty good. I've hit my goal weight on all but 1 so far. I'd be afraid to put anything down for another at this point. I applaud anyone who can perservere through a plateau. Being the drama queen that I can, I think 2 weeks is horrible. Months would send me off the charts!

Well, this week I feel like I'm stuck in the Groundhog Day movie...same routine every day until Friday. Boy am I glad I took friday off, and DH doesn't have to work, so it will be a nice 3-day weekend, even though it may be a little busy. We're expecting snow friday, so I don't know if we'll be going anywhere but the "Y", but friday is my day of relaxation since the weekend will be pretty busy. I need to stop by my parent's house for sure. I got the routine phone call from Dad asking what I been doing (which really means, you haven't been around to visit in awhile). So, I will need to check in and see how they are doing. Maybe if the weather holds out, we'll go out for lunch on friday.

I just started on Farmville this week on Facebook and I'm getting a little obsessed with it. Even Dr. Phil thinks it's addicting! A nice little way to pass the time while DH watches TV.

Well, I'm watching my Stueycat dreaming next to me. Love it when he growls in his sleep and his whiskers twitch. He turns into a really pussycat at night. And, thankfully at the end of the day...even when the day has been shitty, he lets me know that I'm the most important person in his life. And this is from a former dog person. mmmm...

micro Plateau...

I've been the same weight, no let me correct myself, I actually gained a lb and then lost it, in the past 9 days. Usually I understand it because I seem to only lose a significant amount of weight 2 weeks out of the month. I mean, how can you lose 4 1/2 lbs in 5 days and then not lose any for 9? Not to mention my DH and I went to the Y every night this week and I did my 30-35 minutes on the elliptical and 20-25 minutes on the strength machines. The only things that are thanking me right now are my thighs and my glutes. And they really don't look any different. Plateaus, or even mini-ones, tend to get me side tracked by not seeing any progress. Logically, I know the scale will start moving again, but I've always been someone who like immediate gratification (that hasn't gone away). So, I'm gritting my teeth through the weekend and will have to be even more conscientious about watching my food choices. I really want to get into that long dress by Valentine's Day!

I tend to be like Catherine55 and weigh myself right away every morning. I figure it's my most consistent number of the day. And I do the little happy dance when I get a new number of the scale to light up. Haven't had many happy dances lately...

On the Botox front, after 6 days, there is a definite improvement! My parentheses between my eyes are almost completely gone and the main wrinkle on my forehead is just barely noticeable. We'll see how another week goes. I have to say after the first couple of days I was pretty skeptical about what it would do for me, but I'm pleasantly surprised so far. The only part I'm not sure about is around the eyes, if I get it done again, I may just let that part go. I can't tell alot of difference. So far, only my sister knows I had it done....and you all of course.

Not much up for the weekend. I have to work tomorrow morning, and then DH and I are going to church with his parents and out to eat. And I imagine we'll probably catch up with a few friends after since we'll be in town. It supposed to be so cold this weekend we'll probably just curl up on the couch and make some soup on Sunday. Hope the weekend is good for all of you...be safe my friends.

Lazy Sunday...

Well, I'm watching my beloved Brett Favre get the sh*t beat out of him and thinking it doesn't look good for the Vikings. I was really rooting for the "old" guy! I mean, how can you not like Favre? Good looking, rugged, tough beyond comprehension, extremely competitive and good family guy that just loves to play football. I've just got to root for a guy like that. And then as I write this, he just tied it up 28 all with a touchdown. I still have my fingers crossed.

Well yesterday I had my slight unfill. The doc said I had a mild dilation due to being too tight after my barium swallow. So instead of the .2 unfill I thought he would do, he just did a .1 cc unfill. And so far (I know it's only been 1 night), but no reflux! I still took my Pepcid last night and tonight just in case, but so far, so good. Yes!

I also decided to give myself a little treat yesterday. I told my DH that my appointment would take an hour...I just didn't tell him why. Well let's just say that I've noticed for the last 2 years especially, that my complexion has been changing rapidly. The lines are getting deeper, my frown lines always seem to make me look like I'm irritated and my skin seems to be not responsive to any kind of new moisturizer, serum, etc. So, out of curiousity and pure vanity, I got my first Botox treatment. I had no idea what to expect!

Well, the actual treatment only takes about 10 minutes or so. I think the doc put 5 injections in my forehead, 2 between my eyebrows and 2 around each eye. I can't tell much difference yet, because the doc said it can take up to 2 weeks to get the full effect. So, I guess we'll see. I didn't hurt as much as I thought it would...although there were about 2 injections that I know I moved slightly, a little more than a bee sting. So, I survived and am anxiously awaiting the results. I don't know if I'll do it again. But let's just say if it looks natural and gets rid of my scowl, at least I might continue to get the "between the eyebrow" thing done. Just that would make me feel alot better. So, yes...pure vanity I know. I guess I would just like to look as good as I've been feeling these days! I'll try to post a pic in 2 weeks on the progress and you all let me know what you think.

After my appointment, we did our usual shopping extravaganza. My DH is a strip mall shopper as well as a foodie. He's a TJ Maxx fan, me not so much, but I did find a couple of fine guage sweaters that I can wear into the Spring. On our way back through Dayton, we stopped at Steinmart where I found several tanks to go under my new sweaters and alone. Quite a few mediums which is always great! And then lastly, we headed down to Dorothy Lane Market. Which is just about the best upscale 3-location mini-chain that I've ever known. They have the absolute best produce, meat case, desserts to die for, and well heck I haven't found anything that I didn't like there honestly! I got a piece of strawberry shortcake for DH and I to share and we picked up some of their homemade soup and cheese spreads to take home.

I've never minded the 75 miles trip down to the doc's office because it means DH and I get to spend the day together doing whatever we want. We usually make a whole day of it and it's always nice to reconnect after a long week of work.

This week is our annual year-end audit, so it will be great to get that out of the way, and then I need to finish up the Manufacturer's Survey from our wonderful Dept. of Commerce that almost seems to ask exactly how many times have you farted and did they stink. Can't wait til this week is over so I can turn my focus on other things.

It is now overtime in the Vikings/Saints game, so I'm hoping the Vikings pull it out. Go old man!

5 lbs from mini-goal~!

I'm officially in the 160's! YES! The weight is coming off steady these days and I'm loving it! But as a side note, we had our support group meeting on Tuesday night and I mentioned to the Doc (who was so kind by the way to come up to our meeting - about 90 miles away for him) that I was getting a bit of acid reflux at night since the last fill. He didn't like that one bit. I let him know I bought some Pepcid AC the day before and had a tablet before bed and didn't have any reflux. He was willing to do an unfill right then if I wanted but I told him I would like to give it 2 weeks and see if the Pepcid was working and then go off of it and see if I still have the problem. Well, wouldn't you know I woke up twice Tuesday night coughing. Even not eating 3-4 hours before bed or drinking anything an hour before helped. So, unwillingly, I called and made an appointment for Saturday for a slight unfill and a barium swallow - just to make sure everything is okay down there. Crap.

But in all honesty, yesterday was the tightest day I've ever had. I was only able to eat about 3 bites of fish and that was it for lunch. Even that gave me incredible pressure and a slight stuck feeling. And last night I tried to eat a little mashed potatoes and fresh sausage and I had to dry heave a little before the feeling passed. Whoa! Hate the uncomfortableness of eating when you're too tight. But the weight loss has been great - I'll miss that instant satisfaction I've been getting stepping on the scale every morning.

DH and I are going out for dinner with my parents tonight who will no doubt make a big fuss over my weight loss. Like I don't see them every week or two. I really hate to say this but I do better with my progress when I don't see them. Suffice it to say it's complicated. Alot of my food issues stem from well into my childhood and I have yet to figure it all out. My mindset has been really good of late and I don't want to get sidetracked. We all know how easy it is to get derailed!

I have a feeling that at some point I'm going to have to dig into the "why" of my food issues and so far at least consciously I'm unwilling to do that. My band doc suggested a book called "Shrink Yourself" by Gould that delves into the emotional and psychological side of eating. With my focus so strong right now - I hate to begin to try and change anything or examine those issues. I'm sure I will lose my focus at some point and give it a try, but right now I don't want anything to stand in my way.

So to all of you - have a great weekend and do something fun. And - enjoy the ride!