Changing your mindset

I really like this picture of hubby and I taken around Thanksgiving at our favorite pizza joint. Since we don't seem to get alot of pictures taken together, I thought I'd share.

I touched on this yesterday about not being able to think about a time when I didn't want to lose weight. I don't mean that I was always dieting. Just that I always felt that I was too heavy. I look back at pictures from high school and think "Gee, I wasn't that bad". But still felt I was 20 lbs more than I wanted to be and what "everyone" else was. It's amazing how my own perception caused me so much grief. So as I ventured off to college where the late night pizzas were an almost nightly occurrence, I packed on close to 60-70 lbs in 4 years. That my friends is alot of pizza.

I have the same story as alot of people. Gained weight, lost some, gained it back and more, lost some, and the cycle continued for 25+ years.

For the first time in my life, I'm okay with my weight. Strike that, I'm happy as a clam about my weight. But in my mind, the adjustment begins on how to de-program a lifetime of self-loathing in terms of my weight. It doesn't really help that it's January and seemingly every other commercial is about losing weight, trying this-that-and the other in getting there. There's still that tiny voice inside that still says maybe I should go for a few more.

It's a strange feeling that I know is going to take me some time to get there. For those of you in maintenance mode, any tips for me?

And while I'm reaching out to you - congrats to all of you for making it to your goal. I'm so proud of all of you.

Transitioning to maintenance mode...

So there it is. It's taken me 3-4 months to lose the last couple of lbs and hit my ultimate goal. Saturday morning I woke up to see 143.5 - if only for a second. Then I did the whole step off/step on dance a couple of times and kept getting 144.0 even. 1 lb under my ultimate goal. Woot! Woot!

Now what? I can't remember a time in my life when I haven't wanted to lose weight. Ever. EVER!

I'm beside myself that I achieved what I set out to do. And then some. And I know I didn't do it alone. It took my husband, my surgeon, the support of my sister/SIL/family and all of you to make it happen along with a couple of forums. So I thank you for all your encouragement and support. Truly. It took all of it to get here.

I'm going to try and figure out the whole balancing act of maintaining. I don't want to get complacent and let the weight creep back on. I feel like I'm making the right choices (most of the time) and exercising. But allowing myself "extras" here and there without feeling guilty is going to be a new experience.

I'm enjoying the new me immensely :)

Getting rid of the last of it...

Kind of scary, but I used to wear the hell out of this at my heaviest and it was even a bit snug in the midsection. My fingers are at the shoulder seems. It's hard to imagine that's how wide I was. It's also very unsettling because I never felt like I was that big when I was until I saw myself in pictures. And there's not many of those around. Don't pay attention to the exercise pants I have on...the cut of these are so unflattering to the thighs, but very warm and I just wear them around the house. That's one area I have to work on.

Anyway, I won't bore you with work details...to busy and it's Friday so I want to forget for a bit. Hubby had hernia surgery last week after having mini-me pop out the week before. So he's home for a few weeks until he can get back to work...no lifting, so no work.

My weight has been staying about the same...up 3 lbs, down 3 lbs. It would be kind of nice to hit 145 just to see the number, but as long as I don't gain any more, I'm still thrilled. I've given away EVERY PIECE of fat clothing I have...including above in the Special Olympics bin last night. So, that was the last of it unless I unearth something in a well-hidden box. No going back...ever.

I spoke with the guy who works next door that got the band a few months before me and we were comparing notes. I keep thinking I could use a touch of fill since I can eat anything without problem and seem to be treading water. But I like the fact that I CAN have anything and maintain with no issues. So many of the banded people I know around here have troubles that I don't want to live with. I don't want to have that uncomfortable feeling I used to get when eating something that didn't really agree with me well. But that being said, I can eat a whole hamburger sandwich and a piece of pie. (I was stuffed, but still). I'm debating since the last time I was there was March and had a .1 unfill which made a world of difference to me. I'm afraid if they put that back in, I'll be back where I was before with the reflux and everything being uncomfortable to eat. So, I waffling a bit. With the holidays coming up, maybe I could use the extra help, but then again it could all go like it has the past 3 months.

Maybe after the next week or two I'll have a better idea if it's something I should do. Hope you are all doing well at this point. I'm amazed at the progress I see on your blogs.

And Draz - girl I'm always concerned about you. I won't even begin to say I understand depression but I really feel for you. Keep farting your gumdrops girlfriend. We love you!

A day off is.....HEAVEN!

At the last minute I took the day off today since the weather was supposed to be in the high 70's and sunny. The weekends have been crazy with no time to get the house in order. Today I spent pretty much of the morning and a bit of the afternoon on trimming shrubs, cutting down perennials, picking up sticks, washing sheets and chasing the stray cats in the neighborhood who all seem a bit friendly these days.

So now I'm taking a break and eating lunch to rest my weary back and to catch up a bit. Hubby had to work all day which was another reason I took the day off. While I love him to death, we spend an inordinate amount of time together, and the peace and quiet around the house is a refreshing change.

Gosh I looked and it's been so long since I've posted. I confess I've been a bit of a shopoholic these past few weeks. It's so easy to get wrapped up in buying clothes since they are looking so much better on me and everything fits! I bought a couple of pairs of leggings to wear with my new boots and longer sweaters. (Got to hide the thighs you know). Totally out of my comfort zone since I'm a fairly conservative dresser, but what the hell, who doesn't need to do that once in awhile. I'm pretty sure the look I'll get from Bubba will say it all.

This morning the scale showed 147 lbs - 2 lbs to go to my ultimate goal. I've been flirting with that number for the past week or so, and it's always nice to get it before the weekend for a bit of extra motivation. Bubba and I have been walking out at the Prairie quite a bit the last month and have been deer every night. Such a beautiful area to walk (for Ohio) that is. I'll have to take some pictures for you all soon.

The day has just been wonderful....the slight hum of my dryer, someone's wind chimes gently blowing, a soft breeze and some leaves chasing each other around the driveway. Just a perfect moment to relax and kick back.

Have a great weekend to all of you. Life is GOOD!

Spa weekend and other things...

I've been a bit remiss lately about the blog. Sorry folks, life is getting in the way. Last weekend was our girls weekend in Columbus. Six of us, sans husbands, went to the Hilton Polaris on Friday for massage and pedi's, dinner, dancing, and shopping. And well, some libations were apart of the festivities.

We had so much fun, or at the very least, I had so much fun! Lunch at BJ's (martini), wine in the room, wine and water at the spa, wine in the room, cosmo with dinner, and vodka and pineapple juice (several) while listening/dancing to the band. Now, I'm not much of a drinker these days. I'm usually the DD when hubby and I go anywhere since we always have a 40 minute drive home when going out with most of our friends. But I must still have it in me from the old days, because people, I can drink. The massages and pedi's were sinfully good, and the band was excellent and very well liked by the ladies. We stayed at the bar until the band was done with their set and by then I had my shoes off and went around trying to get everyone at the bar on the dance floor. I'm normally not the social butterfly that somehow came out that night, but it's amazing how much fun you can have when you put yourself out there. Had a couple of guys that seemed to be a bit more interested in something other than dancing, but I was a good girl. No hanky panky....hell they were married too! Besides I was with 2 of the SIL, how stupid would that have been. But the attention was certainly nice I will say. I don't think they realized how much they made my day!

When I finally went to bed that night I have to say the bed felt like a raft in the ocean. I can't say I ever felt loaded, but I finally realized when I laid down that maybe the vodka and pineapple juice combo went down a little too well. Sure enough, 6:30 am rolled around and I was wide awake, and feeling pretty lousy. I spent the next 3 hours going back and forth from my bed to the bathroom floor trying like hell to avoid throwing up. I can't remember the last time I had a hangover but I'm pretty sure that was my last one. The hot flashes, the shakes, the nausea, headache, heart racing, and general "I'm going to die" feeling is not one I wish to relive anytime soon. I missed breakfast. I idea of food was excruciatingly sickening to say the least. I nibbled on "gold fish" and water for awhile and then we went off shopping.

Now mind you, I LOVE Polaris mall. I did manage to find a couple of pairs of jeans at the Gap, then ended up sitting in the dressing room at Penneys several times just to gather myself. Finally I ended up a the food court and got a lemonade since I felt like I came as close as I want to passing out. If that young man had taken 10 more seconds to get me my drink, he would have been scraping me off the floor right there. That was the extent of my shopping trip. No Saks, no Macy's, no boutiques. Just sat in the food court for 2 more hours before we all decided it was time to head home.

This weekend it was friday night under the lights for the first game of the season. Last night, a party for my youngest nephew Craig who will be heading overseas to Azerbaijan in a couple of weeks for the Peace Corps. He is ready to go, although kind of having a few regrets since he has been dating someone since May that he really cares for and now he is leaving for 2+ years. He is such a great kid and I am going to miss him. I just want him to be safe over there and cared for. Apparently he lives at least 6 months with a host family and will be teaching English. After that, he can continue with a host family or move out and live on his own. I just hope it all goes well.

On the weight front, I was ranging from 148 to 149.5 all last week. But this weekend was a free for all so I'm sure I'll be up a couple of lbs tomorrow morning. It's truly amazing how that doesn't bother me. It's like now I know I have the determination to remain where I am. And once I'm back in my weekly routine my weight will start to fall again. This band has given me so much more than just a limitation to my eating, it's given me the confidence that I can sustain my weight loss and have the control to keep my weight within the range I'm comfortable. And that is priceless.

Bubba did good...

So last night hubby surprised me with dinner at Fleming's Steakhouse at The Greene with 2 other couples to celebrate my birthday this week. So, needless to say, it wasn't a great "diet" day. But ohh so worth it. I dined on roasted mushroom ravioli, bleu cheese mashed potatoes, filet mignon, chocolate lava cake, and 2 martinis. Later we walked around The Greene and he bought me a pair of Revo's I had my eye on for a couple months. Sweet! And we topped it all off with a slice to go at the Cheesecake Factory...which didn't see Sunday. All in all, a wonderful night out and oh so fun!

Today has been back on the bandwagon after the Cheryl & Co cookie this morning....but it was just one and I've been good since. So, hopefully the scale isn't too punishing tomorrow morning. I ran a few errands today and got some new pj's for our spa weekend. And a couple of shower wraps (smalls!) that were like $10 apiece. The sales at the stores are so great right now with the back to school incentives going on. Man, clothes shopping is so much more fun these days, and so much more affordable. They actually have things in my size on the sale racks now that are still great looking items. So I have to admit I bought a few jackets and pants today to at least get me started with the cooler weather to come.

We went hiking at the prairie tonight...no deer this time, just bunnies everywhere. It's still hot and oh so humid. The horseflies are horrible if you don't wear a hat on the paths. All in all, a great weekend. Bubba has a toothache that's been giving him fits now for a couple of weeks and just now mentioned it today. He has a phobia about anything dental....so let's just say it's been awhile since he's made it to get his teeth looked at. I'm afraid he's in for some major pain by letting it go for so long and trying to get this teeth and gums back in shape. It would be great if they would just knock him out, but I doubt if it would be that extreme. So, we'll see how it goes and what the damage is. He's thinking it needs pulled, I'm thinking he may need dentures at this point since he has hardly any back teeth left that are any good and has a crown or two that is damaged. So, hopefully not like a college tuition bill for the charges. Crossing my fingers...

Are YOU feeling hot???

Okay....I need a break. This hot humid weather can go away and bring some fresh air back here. It's hard to breathe out there in this crap. Hubby likes to go biking in the evening and then we stop by the track and walk a few laps, but twice this week I told him to knock yourself out cowboy, I'm going to the "Y". At least I can sweat because I worked one up, not because I'm existing. I'm simply not like Drazil....I do not look "hot" when I sweat, I look like I melted. And once that happens, only a blissful shower sets things right again.

So, last week I hit goal....actually got down to 149.5 at one point. Saturday we met with some friends and biked 23 miles on the Piqua bike trails. Hubby says he has only a 15 mile ass. Me...only 10 mile knees. Saturday night I paid for it. I woke up several times with my knee just aching. So much for feeling like I was half ass in shape. We went faster than Bubba and I normally do, and I was in my highest gear most of the time. And towards the end of the ride we had to go up the widow maker (the highest hill on the trail). 10 feet from the top, I had to bail. Nothing left in the tank. If I had a tail I would have stuck it between my legs, but I trudged up to the others, got a drink, and finished the last 4 miles. The scale rewarded me Monday morning by reading 154.5. I'm thinking of getting a new one.

So this week it's been back on the straight and narrow, logging my food choices, working out religiously and writing down my weight. Maintenance is going to show me what I'm made of....not the process of losing the weight. I'm so glad Bubba is there for me to nudge me when I really feel like being a slug. We keep each other honest when it comes to exercising.

Bubba has something planned for tomorrow he won't tell me about. But I have to be ready at 4 pm and dress "smart casual". mmmm....those are words that don't normally come out of this mouth, so I'm thinking it's more than just the two of us. And the fact that he isn't wearing shorts or jeans tell me it's something special. I've got a birthday coming up so I guess that's the reason for all the secrecy.

Next weekend 6 of us "girls" are doing a spa weekend in Columbus. Our first was last year and a great one, so we added 2 more people and it's a day of pampering and then dinner and going to see a new band Bubba and I saw at Put-in-Bay a couple of weeks ago. Here is the really weird part. Bubba and I really liked their music. At one of their breaks, the female singer came over to us and chatted and gave us their show dates for the next few months. Since we have plans to be in the Columbus area a couple of times coming up, I checked out their website and lo and behold, the girl grew up like 3 miles from where we live. And to top it off, I know her mom. We belonged to the same photography club about 15 years ago. Talk about small world.

Bubba is up at the ball diamond tonight and his friend from way back stopped by unexpectedly. He's never been to our house before so we chatted and I walked him over to where Bubba was so they could hang out. So it's just me and my laundry basket this evening. Okay and maybe a glass of wine. I'm toasting to Judi....congrats girlfriend~!