Coming up on 2 years...

Sunday is my 2 year bandiversary! Hard to believe in 2 short years I feel so much like a totally different person. Saturday I have my final "freebie" visit with my surgeon to review progress, etc. The first day of my consultation with the doc - 3 weeks before surgery, I weighed a hair shy of 257#. I had been struggling for the better part of a year trying to keep off the 70# I lost through my last attempt at Atkins and was failing. Yo-yo'ing up and down 30# and really feeling so digusted with myself. I swore I would never hit 300 again. So to date, I've lost 110 lbs with the band. I'm up about 3 1/2 lbs from my lowest of 143.5#...and I think that was from getting out of my routine from Jack's nursing home stint and then funeral. Actually I gained about 5-6 lbs during that period, but am working a bit of that off. My biggest fear is a pouch dilation, since the last flouroscopy I had he mentioned I had one but not significant enough to require any intervention at that time. I just wish I knew how to turn off the switch in my brain that keeps me eating even though I'm not hungry. That is the biggest struggle is getting my head screwed on straight..even now. I know what to do, I know what to eat, when to eat, how much to eat, when to drink, when to stop. It's just DOING IT that's the problem. Lastly and more importantly, a big Thank you all for your kind words in expressing your sympathy. It's been a trying time, but getting better. I'm very lucky and Hubby is very lucky to have such a wonderful uplifting family. No once did they sit around and mope about the death of their father. You see, Jack had been ready to die for the past couple of years. It was us that didn't want him to go. I spoke with him around Christmas time and he said what he was doing now what not living. At that point he was still at home, but slept and sat in his recliner with oxygen on. He only stopped when he went to the bathroom, ate, or walked into the kitchen to get a breathing treatment. He mentioned that he was a rich man...that they call Bill Gates a rich man, but Jack said he was more rich than Gates, because he had a wonderful wife, a great family, got to do everything he wanted to do...at least all the important things. Money meant nothing to Jack, or material things. As long as his family had enough to eat, were loved, and appreciated what they had...that was what was important. The fact that he was ready to go and made peace with it is why it is a bit less painful than it would have been. In the days before his funeral service, when we sat together as a family, it was a time of laughter, reminiscing, and support. Not doom and gloom. Jack would have hated that. And that it not what this family is about. I see Jack everytime we get together. It's in the way his kids talk to each other, in the way they treat each other and the way they take care of their mother. Along with the laughter, and one-liners. He's there. I'll let you know how the visit with the doc goes. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I know he's thrilled with my progress, I just haven't been totally honest with him about my mental struggle of maintaining and testing the limits. It's time to come clean and here some reality. Toodles!

R.I.P. Jack

End of life...

My father in law is dying. A slow, painful agonizing death. In nursing home stints, it's been rather a quick descent. But to watch...it's been downright wretching to see.

The change is palpable every time we see him. Hubby has been there 5x this week. Yesterday, we stopped by...only to see him naked in a diaper halfway out of his bed. Not a picture anyone should see. Hubby can't remember a time when he ever saw his dad without an undershirt...let alone like that. I stepped out so hubby could put the sheet over him and get someone to help pull him up in the bed. He is no longer eating or drinking, and his oxygen is off since the last time he was lucid he motioned 'no more'.

I hate to talk in the past tense about someone still "living", but what is going on with him isn't living and what he is right know isn't what he used to be.

Jack was a wonderful man. Full of wit and someone who knew how rich he was....and I'm not talking financially. He would speak to Norma with such love in his voice and their interaction with each other was playful and caring. All of his children inherited his wit and charm and my hubby can hold court with the best of them in terms of making people laugh....he got that from Jack. My hubby and Jack are the only 2 people that have made my dad belly laugh in the last 10 years. He is a pretty serious guy, but those 2 could always tickle his funny bone some how.

I knew from the very first time I met this family a little over 7 years ago that they were special. It was at Jack's birthday party and the house was full of laughter and lightheartedness. You could tell these people sincerely loved each other and enjoyed being around each other. Something that isn't always the case with family get-togethers. They welcomed me so easily in their family. Jack mentioned to me just 2 weeks ago how special I was and how I was like another daughter to him. That was the last real conversation we had. He no longer recognizes anyone and is a shell of the man he used to be. But luckily he did recognize his daughter on Thursday after she came home from China after 3 weeks. At least she will have that. We all thought he waited to die so he could see Jeannie again. Now it's a matter of days.

So our time hasn't been ours for awhile and it's not something I want to continually blog about. But any prayers at this point are welcomed.

God bless all of you.

Here's the Dress...etc.

Before I send it back, I just had to try it on once again. It is such a pretty color. But not as flattering as I'd like it to be. Oh well.

Hubby had a serious case of the flu yesterday and friday night, so our plans were dashed for the weekend. I snuck away for a couple of hours and found some fabulous finds at the local mall. A Nautica coat for $150, down to $29.99. And a really nice leather vest from $99 down to $17.77. A couple of fleece workout pullovers and hoodies for $2.97 each. I was having a grand ole' time! Tons of fun for being alone!

And, I'll show you a little guy who was sitting on our window sill about a week ago when we got all that ice and snow. He's just too cute not to be seen. Hubby likes to put bird seed out there so the cat has some fun on his perch looking out the window.

If you're a NASCAR fan, have fun watching the Daytona race today. RIP #3.

Getting wrapped up...

No - not by my hubby, just with "stuff" going on in the family, work and such. Hubby's Dad was put in the nursing home after a week hospital stay last week and it is just so difficult seeing him go downhill. They are keeping him pretty medicated at this point so he has been able to get some sleep. He's hoping to get strong enough to get out, and we all hope for that too, but in reality he is probably there to stay. It's been really tough on the family trying to figure out some sort of visit schedule so someone is there to see him everyday. Hubby has been going 2-3 times/week since he has sisters and a brother out of town right now. And taking care of his Mom to make sure she's alright.

I bought hubby and iPad for Valentine's Day to introduce him into the world of computing. First he wanted a computer, then he didn't, then maybe, then no. I thought the best way for him to learn would be something like an iPad that he could just touch and not use a mouse. He made his first purchase on eBay last night and I can tell he's already going to like surfing....just no porn honey.

Saturday night our plans fell apart for a birthday dinner out since several people were sick so hubby and I went to Kent's in Troy for a Valentine's dinner. What a wonderful meal! Filet fondue, crabcakes, pasta, and some amazingly sinful dessert. It turned out to be a great evening. We had an hour to kill before our reservation and that gave me enough time to shop for a couple of skirts. One is a size 6! Wow! That was a first! I was doing the happy-dance in the dressing room. Of course I've been trying to whittle off the lbs I gained from over the weekend to be able to wear it this summer.

I bought a beautiful dress from donnaricco.com for my nephew's wedding and tried it on last night and I ended up a bit disappointed. It kind of looked like the dress was wearing me instead of the other way around. Hubby said it looked sort of like a bridesmaid dress and I had to agree. Pretty, but maybe a bit too much. You know if you have to wear a dress with a full Spanx underneath it just kind of takes the fun out of wearing it, doesn't it?

I booked a trip to the Twin Cities next month to attend the bridal shower and sis and I are kind of making it a mini-shopping excursion. Probably hit the Mall of America, Southdale Mall and a couple of others. I love Minneapolis/St. Paul. I love it more in the summer, but mid-March should be a bit more mild. It will be a good time to spend a few quality days with my sister. We don't get to spend nearly enough time together.

I've mentioned in the past that I don't really have trouble with my band. I had gone about 9 months without pb'ing or sliming....that is until yesterday. Dried pineapple is not my friend. And now I remember how much I hate being stuck. I just chatted with my sister about maybe getting a titch of a fill since my 2 years is almost up and I'll have to start paying for office visits. Now with that episode...NO WAY! I'm just fine thank you. I guess I was just feeling like working my ass of 5-6 days a week at the "Y" and counting calories just to stay where I am was getting more and more difficult to do. Maybe it's the time of year that's bothering me. It's been an unusually difficult winter here in Ohio this year. We had about 3 1/2 inches of ice on our driveway a week ago, following by 2 inches of packed snow. After temps close to the 60's the past few days, most of it is gone...but alot of snow this year and bitter cold. Bugs me more now that alot of my "insulation" is gone. Dad broke his leg right above the ankle falling on the ice last week and is in a "boot cast" for 6 weeks and hobbling around with a walker. Didn't want to listen to his kids when they told him to stay inside when it was icy. His neighbor broke 2 ribs the same day slipping on his front steps...the same thing Dad did. But they seem to be getting along fine. My Dad is an ice cream nut, so I dropped off a few pints of Graeter's to cheer him up. I think he's enjoying the attention.

Hope all of you are doing well on your journey. I'm going to talk to my surgeon about being a mentor to someone who is getting banded or recently banded. I'm trying to think of some ways that I can help others along the way. Pay it back, so to speak. There have been so many inspirational people/bloggers that I've admired on their journey and I just feel like I want to do more than blog to help people. If any of you have suggestions, feel free to comment.

Have a blessed weekend and always keep your goal in mind!

Changing your mindset

I really like this picture of hubby and I taken around Thanksgiving at our favorite pizza joint. Since we don't seem to get alot of pictures taken together, I thought I'd share.

I touched on this yesterday about not being able to think about a time when I didn't want to lose weight. I don't mean that I was always dieting. Just that I always felt that I was too heavy. I look back at pictures from high school and think "Gee, I wasn't that bad". But still felt I was 20 lbs more than I wanted to be and what "everyone" else was. It's amazing how my own perception caused me so much grief. So as I ventured off to college where the late night pizzas were an almost nightly occurrence, I packed on close to 60-70 lbs in 4 years. That my friends is alot of pizza.

I have the same story as alot of people. Gained weight, lost some, gained it back and more, lost some, and the cycle continued for 25+ years.

For the first time in my life, I'm okay with my weight. Strike that, I'm happy as a clam about my weight. But in my mind, the adjustment begins on how to de-program a lifetime of self-loathing in terms of my weight. It doesn't really help that it's January and seemingly every other commercial is about losing weight, trying this-that-and the other in getting there. There's still that tiny voice inside that still says maybe I should go for a few more.

It's a strange feeling that I know is going to take me some time to get there. For those of you in maintenance mode, any tips for me?

And while I'm reaching out to you - congrats to all of you for making it to your goal. I'm so proud of all of you.

Transitioning to maintenance mode...

So there it is. It's taken me 3-4 months to lose the last couple of lbs and hit my ultimate goal. Saturday morning I woke up to see 143.5 - if only for a second. Then I did the whole step off/step on dance a couple of times and kept getting 144.0 even. 1 lb under my ultimate goal. Woot! Woot!

Now what? I can't remember a time in my life when I haven't wanted to lose weight. Ever. EVER!

I'm beside myself that I achieved what I set out to do. And then some. And I know I didn't do it alone. It took my husband, my surgeon, the support of my sister/SIL/family and all of you to make it happen along with a couple of forums. So I thank you for all your encouragement and support. Truly. It took all of it to get here.

I'm going to try and figure out the whole balancing act of maintaining. I don't want to get complacent and let the weight creep back on. I feel like I'm making the right choices (most of the time) and exercising. But allowing myself "extras" here and there without feeling guilty is going to be a new experience.

I'm enjoying the new me immensely :)