Old photos...

Many of us don't have alot of pictures from our "larger" days. I never wanted anything documented to show how big I had become, or to actually have to acknowledge the fact that I let my weight get so out of control. But I felt out of control. I felt powerless to stop. I mean, who wants to be obese? In my messed up mind I guess I felt that if I didn't have any pictures that showed me "large and in charge", then that period of my life didn't exist. Case in point...I have yet to get any wedding pictures made from our marriage, almost 5 years ago. #1 - I was about 205-210 when we were married. My hubby met me at 164. I don't like any of the pictures. Not enough to want them displayed in my home. I bought a dress that I thought would look nice and not make me look so big. But it never did fit correctly and I was still ashamed of how I looked. How sad it that? I said "Yes to the dress" not because I was in love with it and thought "this is it", but because it would be appropriate and hopefully hide my excesses.

I took my niece's wedding dress back to her parents on Sunday and kidded her that I might try it on. She was fine with it since she said she needs to get it cleaned and preserved. So, what the hell, I did. And you know what? IT FIT! It was exactly the way I would have wanted to look at my wedding. We were at my parents home when my sis wanted me to try it on, so I did and she ended up taking my picture a few times in the dress. Then Mom & Dad had to see me, then hubby and my brother in law. Jeesh! But I have to say what a wonderful feeling to get the chance to see myself in such a beautiful gown the way it should have been 5 years ago. My niece has given me a wonderful gift in allowing me to try on her dress. More then she will ever understand. God love her...