Jo's lap band weight loss journey

Coming up on 2 years...

2011-04-07T19:31:00.000-07:00

Sunday is my 2 year bandiversary! Hard to believe in 2 short years I feel so much like a totally different person. Saturday I have my final "freebie" visit with my surgeon to review progress, etc. The first day of my consultation with the doc - 3 weeks before surgery, I weighed a hair shy of 257#. I had been struggling for the better part of a year trying to keep off the 70# I lost through my last attempt at Atkins and was failing. Yo-yo'ing up and down 30# and really feeling so digusted with myself. I swore I would never hit 300 again. So to date, I've lost 110 lbs with the band. I'm up about 3 1/2 lbs from my lowest of 143.5#...and I think that was from getting out of my routine from Jack's nursing home stint and then funeral. Actually I gained about 5-6 lbs during that period, but am working a bit of that off. My biggest fear is a pouch dilation, since the last flouroscopy I had he mentioned I had one but not significant enough to require any intervention at that time. I just wish I knew how to turn off the switch in my brain that keeps me eating even though I'm not hungry. That is the biggest struggle is getting my head screwed on straight..even now. I know what to do, I know what to eat, when to eat, how much to eat, when to drink, when to stop. It's just DOING IT that's the problem. Lastly and more importantly, a big Thank you all for your kind words in expressing your sympathy. It's been a trying time, but getting better. I'm very lucky and Hubby is very lucky to have such a wonderful uplifting family. No once did they sit around and mope about the death of their father. You see, Jack had been ready to die for the past couple of years. It was us that didn't want him to go. I spoke with him around Christmas time and he said what he was doing now what not living. At that point he was still at home, but slept and sat in his recliner with oxygen on. He only stopped when he went to the bathroom, ate, or walked into the kitchen to get a breathing treatment. He mentioned that he was a rich man...that they call Bill Gates a rich man, but Jack said he was more rich than Gates, because he had a wonderful wife, a great family, got to do everything he wanted to do...at least all the important things. Money meant nothing to Jack, or material things. As long as his family had enough to eat, were loved, and appreciated what they had...that was what was important. The fact that he was ready to go and made peace with it is why it is a bit less painful than it would have been. In the days before his funeral service, when we sat together as a family, it was a time of laughter, reminiscing, and support. Not doom and gloom. Jack would have hated that. And that it not what this family is about. I see Jack everytime we get together. It's in the way his kids talk to each other, in the way they treat each other and the way they take care of their mother. Along with the laughter, and one-liners. He's there. I'll let you know how the visit with the doc goes. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I know he's thrilled with my progress, I just haven't been totally honest with him about my mental struggle of maintaining and testing the limits. It's time to come clean and here some reality. Toodles!

R.I.P. Jack

2011-03-15T17:43:00.000-07:00

End of life...

2011-03-13T20:53:00.000-07:00

My father in law is dying. A slow, painful agonizing death. In nursing home stints, it's been rather a quick descent. But to watch...it's been downright wretching to see.

The change is palpable every time we see him. Hubby has been there 5x this week. Yesterday, we stopped by...only to see him naked in a diaper halfway out of his bed. Not a picture anyone should see. Hubby can't remember a time when he ever saw his dad without an undershirt...let alone like that. I stepped out so hubby could put the sheet over him and get someone to help pull him up in the bed. He is no longer eating or drinking, and his oxygen is off since the last time he was lucid he motioned 'no more'.

I hate to talk in the past tense about someone still "living", but what is going on with him isn't living and what he is right know isn't what he used to be.

Jack was a wonderful man. Full of wit and someone who knew how rich he was....and I'm not talking financially. He would speak to Norma with such love in his voice and their interaction with each other was playful and caring. All of his children inherited his wit and charm and my hubby can hold court with the best of them in terms of making people laugh....he got that from Jack. My hubby and Jack are the only 2 people that have made my dad belly laugh in the last 10 years. He is a pretty serious guy, but those 2 could always tickle his funny bone some how.

I knew from the very first time I met this family a little over 7 years ago that they were special. It was at Jack's birthday party and the house was full of laughter and lightheartedness. You could tell these people sincerely loved each other and enjoyed being around each other. Something that isn't always the case with family get-togethers. They welcomed me so easily in their family. Jack mentioned to me just 2 weeks ago how special I was and how I was like another daughter to him. That was the last real conversation we had. He no longer recognizes anyone and is a shell of the man he used to be. But luckily he did recognize his daughter on Thursday after she came home from China after 3 weeks. At least she will have that. We all thought he waited to die so he could see Jeannie again. Now it's a matter of days.

So our time hasn't been ours for awhile and it's not something I want to continually blog about. But any prayers at this point are welcomed.

God bless all of you.

Here's the Dress...etc.

2011-02-20T08:26:00.000-08:00

Before I send it back, I just had to try it on once again. It is such a pretty color. But not as flattering as I'd like it to be. Oh well.

Hubby had a serious case of the flu yesterday and friday night, so our plans were dashed for the weekend. I snuck away for a couple of hours and found some fabulous finds at the local mall. A Nautica coat for $150, down to $29.99. And a really nice leather vest from $99 down to $17.77. A couple of fleece workout pullovers and hoodies for $2.97 each. I was having a grand ole' time! Tons of fun for being alone!

And, I'll show you a little guy who was sitting on our window sill about a week ago when we got all that ice and snow. He's just too cute not to be seen. Hubby likes to put bird seed out there so the cat has some fun on his perch looking out the window.

If you're a NASCAR fan, have fun watching the Daytona race today. RIP #3.

Getting wrapped up...

2011-02-18T13:21:00.000-08:00

No - not by my hubby, just with "stuff" going on in the family, work and such. Hubby's Dad was put in the nursing home after a week hospital stay last week and it is just so difficult seeing him go downhill. They are keeping him pretty medicated at this point so he has been able to get some sleep. He's hoping to get strong enough to get out, and we all hope for that too, but in reality he is probably there to stay. It's been really tough on the family trying to figure out some sort of visit schedule so someone is there to see him everyday. Hubby has been going 2-3 times/week since he has sisters and a brother out of town right now. And taking care of his Mom to make sure she's alright.

I bought hubby and iPad for Valentine's Day to introduce him into the world of computing. First he wanted a computer, then he didn't, then maybe, then no. I thought the best way for him to learn would be something like an iPad that he could just touch and not use a mouse. He made his first purchase on eBay last night and I can tell he's already going to like surfing....just no porn honey.

Saturday night our plans fell apart for a birthday dinner out since several people were sick so hubby and I went to Kent's in Troy for a Valentine's dinner. What a wonderful meal! Filet fondue, crabcakes, pasta, and some amazingly sinful dessert. It turned out to be a great evening. We had an hour to kill before our reservation and that gave me enough time to shop for a couple of skirts. One is a size 6! Wow! That was a first! I was doing the happy-dance in the dressing room. Of course I've been trying to whittle off the lbs I gained from over the weekend to be able to wear it this summer.

I bought a beautiful dress from donnaricco.com for my nephew's wedding and tried it on last night and I ended up a bit disappointed. It kind of looked like the dress was wearing me instead of the other way around. Hubby said it looked sort of like a bridesmaid dress and I had to agree. Pretty, but maybe a bit too much. You know if you have to wear a dress with a full Spanx underneath it just kind of takes the fun out of wearing it, doesn't it?

I booked a trip to the Twin Cities next month to attend the bridal shower and sis and I are kind of making it a mini-shopping excursion. Probably hit the Mall of America, Southdale Mall and a couple of others. I love Minneapolis/St. Paul. I love it more in the summer, but mid-March should be a bit more mild. It will be a good time to spend a few quality days with my sister. We don't get to spend nearly enough time together.

I've mentioned in the past that I don't really have trouble with my band. I had gone about 9 months without pb'ing or sliming....that is until yesterday. Dried pineapple is not my friend. And now I remember how much I hate being stuck. I just chatted with my sister about maybe getting a titch of a fill since my 2 years is almost up and I'll have to start paying for office visits. Now with that episode...NO WAY! I'm just fine thank you. I guess I was just feeling like working my ass of 5-6 days a week at the "Y" and counting calories just to stay where I am was getting more and more difficult to do. Maybe it's the time of year that's bothering me. It's been an unusually difficult winter here in Ohio this year. We had about 3 1/2 inches of ice on our driveway a week ago, following by 2 inches of packed snow. After temps close to the 60's the past few days, most of it is gone...but alot of snow this year and bitter cold. Bugs me more now that alot of my "insulation" is gone. Dad broke his leg right above the ankle falling on the ice last week and is in a "boot cast" for 6 weeks and hobbling around with a walker. Didn't want to listen to his kids when they told him to stay inside when it was icy. His neighbor broke 2 ribs the same day slipping on his front steps...the same thing Dad did. But they seem to be getting along fine. My Dad is an ice cream nut, so I dropped off a few pints of Graeter's to cheer him up. I think he's enjoying the attention.

Hope all of you are doing well on your journey. I'm going to talk to my surgeon about being a mentor to someone who is getting banded or recently banded. I'm trying to think of some ways that I can help others along the way. Pay it back, so to speak. There have been so many inspirational people/bloggers that I've admired on their journey and I just feel like I want to do more than blog to help people. If any of you have suggestions, feel free to comment.

Have a blessed weekend and always keep your goal in mind!

Changing your mindset

2011-01-24T20:11:00.000-08:00

I really like this picture of hubby and I taken around Thanksgiving at our favorite pizza joint. Since we don't seem to get alot of pictures taken together, I thought I'd share.

I touched on this yesterday about not being able to think about a time when I didn't want to lose weight. I don't mean that I was always dieting. Just that I always felt that I was too heavy. I look back at pictures from high school and think "Gee, I wasn't that bad". But still felt I was 20 lbs more than I wanted to be and what "everyone" else was. It's amazing how my own perception caused me so much grief. So as I ventured off to college where the late night pizzas were an almost nightly occurrence, I packed on close to 60-70 lbs in 4 years. That my friends is alot of pizza.

I have the same story as alot of people. Gained weight, lost some, gained it back and more, lost some, and the cycle continued for 25+ years.

For the first time in my life, I'm okay with my weight. Strike that, I'm happy as a clam about my weight. But in my mind, the adjustment begins on how to de-program a lifetime of self-loathing in terms of my weight. It doesn't really help that it's January and seemingly every other commercial is about losing weight, trying this-that-and the other in getting there. There's still that tiny voice inside that still says maybe I should go for a few more.

It's a strange feeling that I know is going to take me some time to get there. For those of you in maintenance mode, any tips for me?

And while I'm reaching out to you - congrats to all of you for making it to your goal. I'm so proud of all of you.

Transitioning to maintenance mode...

2011-01-23T19:46:00.000-08:00

So there it is. It's taken me 3-4 months to lose the last couple of lbs and hit my ultimate goal. Saturday morning I woke up to see 143.5 - if only for a second. Then I did the whole step off/step on dance a couple of times and kept getting 144.0 even. 1 lb under my ultimate goal. Woot! Woot!

Now what? I can't remember a time in my life when I haven't wanted to lose weight. Ever. EVER!

I'm beside myself that I achieved what I set out to do. And then some. And I know I didn't do it alone. It took my husband, my surgeon, the support of my sister/SIL/family and all of you to make it happen along with a couple of forums. So I thank you for all your encouragement and support. Truly. It took all of it to get here.

I'm going to try and figure out the whole balancing act of maintaining. I don't want to get complacent and let the weight creep back on. I feel like I'm making the right choices (most of the time) and exercising. But allowing myself "extras" here and there without feeling guilty is going to be a new experience.

I'm enjoying the new me immensely :)

Getting rid of the last of it...

2010-11-05T17:11:00.001-07:00

Kind of scary, but I used to wear the hell out of this at my heaviest and it was even a bit snug in the midsection. My fingers are at the shoulder seems. It's hard to imagine that's how wide I was. It's also very unsettling because I never felt like I was that big when I was until I saw myself in pictures. And there's not many of those around. Don't pay attention to the exercise pants I have on...the cut of these are so unflattering to the thighs, but very warm and I just wear them around the house. That's one area I have to work on.

Anyway, I won't bore you with work details...to busy and it's Friday so I want to forget for a bit. Hubby had hernia surgery last week after having mini-me pop out the week before. So he's home for a few weeks until he can get back to work...no lifting, so no work.

My weight has been staying about the same...up 3 lbs, down 3 lbs. It would be kind of nice to hit 145 just to see the number, but as long as I don't gain any more, I'm still thrilled. I've given away EVERY PIECE of fat clothing I have...including above in the Special Olympics bin last night. So, that was the last of it unless I unearth something in a well-hidden box. No going back...ever.

I spoke with the guy who works next door that got the band a few months before me and we were comparing notes. I keep thinking I could use a touch of fill since I can eat anything without problem and seem to be treading water. But I like the fact that I CAN have anything and maintain with no issues. So many of the banded people I know around here have troubles that I don't want to live with. I don't want to have that uncomfortable feeling I used to get when eating something that didn't really agree with me well. But that being said, I can eat a whole hamburger sandwich and a piece of pie. (I was stuffed, but still). I'm debating since the last time I was there was March and had a .1 unfill which made a world of difference to me. I'm afraid if they put that back in, I'll be back where I was before with the reflux and everything being uncomfortable to eat. So, I waffling a bit. With the holidays coming up, maybe I could use the extra help, but then again it could all go like it has the past 3 months.

Maybe after the next week or two I'll have a better idea if it's something I should do. Hope you are all doing well at this point. I'm amazed at the progress I see on your blogs.

And Draz - girl I'm always concerned about you. I won't even begin to say I understand depression but I really feel for you. Keep farting your gumdrops girlfriend. We love you!

A day off is.....HEAVEN!

2010-10-08T11:24:00.000-07:00

At the last minute I took the day off today since the weather was supposed to be in the high 70's and sunny. The weekends have been crazy with no time to get the house in order. Today I spent pretty much of the morning and a bit of the afternoon on trimming shrubs, cutting down perennials, picking up sticks, washing sheets and chasing the stray cats in the neighborhood who all seem a bit friendly these days.

So now I'm taking a break and eating lunch to rest my weary back and to catch up a bit. Hubby had to work all day which was another reason I took the day off. While I love him to death, we spend an inordinate amount of time together, and the peace and quiet around the house is a refreshing change.

Gosh I looked and it's been so long since I've posted. I confess I've been a bit of a shopoholic these past few weeks. It's so easy to get wrapped up in buying clothes since they are looking so much better on me and everything fits! I bought a couple of pairs of leggings to wear with my new boots and longer sweaters. (Got to hide the thighs you know). Totally out of my comfort zone since I'm a fairly conservative dresser, but what the hell, who doesn't need to do that once in awhile. I'm pretty sure the look I'll get from Bubba will say it all.

This morning the scale showed 147 lbs - 2 lbs to go to my ultimate goal. I've been flirting with that number for the past week or so, and it's always nice to get it before the weekend for a bit of extra motivation. Bubba and I have been walking out at the Prairie quite a bit the last month and have been deer every night. Such a beautiful area to walk (for Ohio) that is. I'll have to take some pictures for you all soon.

The day has just been wonderful....the slight hum of my dryer, someone's wind chimes gently blowing, a soft breeze and some leaves chasing each other around the driveway. Just a perfect moment to relax and kick back.

Have a great weekend to all of you. Life is GOOD!

Spa weekend and other things...

2010-08-29T18:55:00.000-07:00

I've been a bit remiss lately about the blog. Sorry folks, life is getting in the way. Last weekend was our girls weekend in Columbus. Six of us, sans husbands, went to the Hilton Polaris on Friday for massage and pedi's, dinner, dancing, and shopping. And well, some libations were apart of the festivities.

We had so much fun, or at the very least, I had so much fun! Lunch at BJ's (martini), wine in the room, wine and water at the spa, wine in the room, cosmo with dinner, and vodka and pineapple juice (several) while listening/dancing to the band. Now, I'm not much of a drinker these days. I'm usually the DD when hubby and I go anywhere since we always have a 40 minute drive home when going out with most of our friends. But I must still have it in me from the old days, because people, I can drink. The massages and pedi's were sinfully good, and the band was excellent and very well liked by the ladies. We stayed at the bar until the band was done with their set and by then I had my shoes off and went around trying to get everyone at the bar on the dance floor. I'm normally not the social butterfly that somehow came out that night, but it's amazing how much fun you can have when you put yourself out there. Had a couple of guys that seemed to be a bit more interested in something other than dancing, but I was a good girl. No hanky panky....hell they were married too! Besides I was with 2 of the SIL, how stupid would that have been. But the attention was certainly nice I will say. I don't think they realized how much they made my day!

When I finally went to bed that night I have to say the bed felt like a raft in the ocean. I can't say I ever felt loaded, but I finally realized when I laid down that maybe the vodka and pineapple juice combo went down a little too well. Sure enough, 6:30 am rolled around and I was wide awake, and feeling pretty lousy. I spent the next 3 hours going back and forth from my bed to the bathroom floor trying like hell to avoid throwing up. I can't remember the last time I had a hangover but I'm pretty sure that was my last one. The hot flashes, the shakes, the nausea, headache, heart racing, and general "I'm going to die" feeling is not one I wish to relive anytime soon. I missed breakfast. I idea of food was excruciatingly sickening to say the least. I nibbled on "gold fish" and water for awhile and then we went off shopping.

Now mind you, I LOVE Polaris mall. I did manage to find a couple of pairs of jeans at the Gap, then ended up sitting in the dressing room at Penneys several times just to gather myself. Finally I ended up a the food court and got a lemonade since I felt like I came as close as I want to passing out. If that young man had taken 10 more seconds to get me my drink, he would have been scraping me off the floor right there. That was the extent of my shopping trip. No Saks, no Macy's, no boutiques. Just sat in the food court for 2 more hours before we all decided it was time to head home.

This weekend it was friday night under the lights for the first game of the season. Last night, a party for my youngest nephew Craig who will be heading overseas to Azerbaijan in a couple of weeks for the Peace Corps. He is ready to go, although kind of having a few regrets since he has been dating someone since May that he really cares for and now he is leaving for 2+ years. He is such a great kid and I am going to miss him. I just want him to be safe over there and cared for. Apparently he lives at least 6 months with a host family and will be teaching English. After that, he can continue with a host family or move out and live on his own. I just hope it all goes well.

On the weight front, I was ranging from 148 to 149.5 all last week. But this weekend was a free for all so I'm sure I'll be up a couple of lbs tomorrow morning. It's truly amazing how that doesn't bother me. It's like now I know I have the determination to remain where I am. And once I'm back in my weekly routine my weight will start to fall again. This band has given me so much more than just a limitation to my eating, it's given me the confidence that I can sustain my weight loss and have the control to keep my weight within the range I'm comfortable. And that is priceless.

Bubba did good...

2010-08-15T17:52:00.000-07:00

So last night hubby surprised me with dinner at Fleming's Steakhouse at The Greene with 2 other couples to celebrate my birthday this week. So, needless to say, it wasn't a great "diet" day. But ohh so worth it. I dined on roasted mushroom ravioli, bleu cheese mashed potatoes, filet mignon, chocolate lava cake, and 2 martinis. Later we walked around The Greene and he bought me a pair of Revo's I had my eye on for a couple months. Sweet! And we topped it all off with a slice to go at the Cheesecake Factory...which didn't see Sunday. All in all, a wonderful night out and oh so fun!

Today has been back on the bandwagon after the Cheryl & Co cookie this morning....but it was just one and I've been good since. So, hopefully the scale isn't too punishing tomorrow morning. I ran a few errands today and got some new pj's for our spa weekend. And a couple of shower wraps (smalls!) that were like $10 apiece. The sales at the stores are so great right now with the back to school incentives going on. Man, clothes shopping is so much more fun these days, and so much more affordable. They actually have things in my size on the sale racks now that are still great looking items. So I have to admit I bought a few jackets and pants today to at least get me started with the cooler weather to come.

We went hiking at the prairie tonight...no deer this time, just bunnies everywhere. It's still hot and oh so humid. The horseflies are horrible if you don't wear a hat on the paths. All in all, a great weekend. Bubba has a toothache that's been giving him fits now for a couple of weeks and just now mentioned it today. He has a phobia about anything dental....so let's just say it's been awhile since he's made it to get his teeth looked at. I'm afraid he's in for some major pain by letting it go for so long and trying to get this teeth and gums back in shape. It would be great if they would just knock him out, but I doubt if it would be that extreme. So, we'll see how it goes and what the damage is. He's thinking it needs pulled, I'm thinking he may need dentures at this point since he has hardly any back teeth left that are any good and has a crown or two that is damaged. So, hopefully not like a college tuition bill for the charges. Crossing my fingers...

Are YOU feeling hot???

2010-08-13T18:08:00.000-07:00

Okay....I need a break. This hot humid weather can go away and bring some fresh air back here. It's hard to breathe out there in this crap. Hubby likes to go biking in the evening and then we stop by the track and walk a few laps, but twice this week I told him to knock yourself out cowboy, I'm going to the "Y". At least I can sweat because I worked one up, not because I'm existing. I'm simply not like Drazil....I do not look "hot" when I sweat, I look like I melted. And once that happens, only a blissful shower sets things right again.

So, last week I hit goal....actually got down to 149.5 at one point. Saturday we met with some friends and biked 23 miles on the Piqua bike trails. Hubby says he has only a 15 mile ass. Me...only 10 mile knees. Saturday night I paid for it. I woke up several times with my knee just aching. So much for feeling like I was half ass in shape. We went faster than Bubba and I normally do, and I was in my highest gear most of the time. And towards the end of the ride we had to go up the widow maker (the highest hill on the trail). 10 feet from the top, I had to bail. Nothing left in the tank. If I had a tail I would have stuck it between my legs, but I trudged up to the others, got a drink, and finished the last 4 miles. The scale rewarded me Monday morning by reading 154.5. I'm thinking of getting a new one.

So this week it's been back on the straight and narrow, logging my food choices, working out religiously and writing down my weight. Maintenance is going to show me what I'm made of....not the process of losing the weight. I'm so glad Bubba is there for me to nudge me when I really feel like being a slug. We keep each other honest when it comes to exercising.

Bubba has something planned for tomorrow he won't tell me about. But I have to be ready at 4 pm and dress "smart casual". mmmm....those are words that don't normally come out of this mouth, so I'm thinking it's more than just the two of us. And the fact that he isn't wearing shorts or jeans tell me it's something special. I've got a birthday coming up so I guess that's the reason for all the secrecy.

Next weekend 6 of us "girls" are doing a spa weekend in Columbus. Our first was last year and a great one, so we added 2 more people and it's a day of pampering and then dinner and going to see a new band Bubba and I saw at Put-in-Bay a couple of weeks ago. Here is the really weird part. Bubba and I really liked their music. At one of their breaks, the female singer came over to us and chatted and gave us their show dates for the next few months. Since we have plans to be in the Columbus area a couple of times coming up, I checked out their website and lo and behold, the girl grew up like 3 miles from where we live. And to top it off, I know her mom. We belonged to the same photography club about 15 years ago. Talk about small world.

Bubba is up at the ball diamond tonight and his friend from way back stopped by unexpectedly. He's never been to our house before so we chatted and I walked him over to where Bubba was so they could hang out. So it's just me and my laundry basket this evening. Okay and maybe a glass of wine. I'm toasting to Judi....congrats girlfriend~!

Goal!

2010-08-05T19:32:00.000-07:00

This morning I did my usual routine. Wake up, put in my contacts, go tinkle, and then step on the scale. Well today was THE DAY! 150. Step off, step back on...150. Do it again...150. I knew if I put a camera in my hand the damn thing would read 150.5 so no picture here.

I e-mailed my surgeon this morning thanking him and his staff for all of their encouragement, support and efforts in getting me to where I am. He replied that I should get something to signify my achievement....like a diamond or something else incredibly expensive that I don't even remember. Since that is out of the question, I went to the mall this evening and looked around for something. After an hour, I came up with 3 tubes of hand cream from B&B. I really realized that I have everything I need and sure I have "wants" but, being practical at this point, didn't have anything I felt like spending money on. So I thought about the SHRM conference in September I'm going to and bought an outfit to wear for the conference. The pants look awesome and actually do make me look really nice. Something about seeing myself in a 3-way mirror kind of gives me a better idea of what I look like and I liked what I saw. For once, both my jacket and pants were a size 8. Another goal. Getting clothes in single digits. Doesn't even have to be all of them. But having a few and they fit well, that's hard to beat.

I felt very blessed to be where I'm at. I have to thank my wonderful husband for his support as well. He has been encouraging all the way, even when he had his doubts initially. He's also lost 25 lbs from both of us pushing each other to exercise. He has made this journey with me together and endured all of the plateaus, doubts, fears, periods of frustration and struggles at times. I am forever grateful to have him in my life.

I'm thinking about continuing to track my calories, weight and exercise for a few more weeks and see if maybe 5 more lbs lost can be a reality. I'd really like to see 150 at the doctor's office the next time I go, but I don't think they would appreciate it if I would strip naked in the hallway to see it. Then I will officially be 1/2 the person I used to be.

It's amazing how my overall outlook has changed since beginning this journey. I used to just kind of muddle through the day, not particularly happy and pretty disgusted with myself. Now I am better able to handle anything thrown at me, and like what I see when I look in the mirror. Sure I have saggy skin and my legs will never win any prizes at the fair, but I'm okay with that. One of my bosses today asked if I have reconsidered my decision not to have any cosmetic surgery done (we've talked about this before). I told him as much as I would like to get rid of it, that the 4-6 week recovery period, the cost, and the chance of complications or worse is something I'm not willing to put myself through. I'm happy now. I will never be perfect, but I never was and don't expect to be. I'll look at them as my battle scars and do what I can to minimize them. But what I'm able to do and how I feel right now is enough. Life is sweet!

Put in Bay...a drinker's paradise!

2010-08-01T19:37:00.000-07:00

Hubby and I went with 2 of my friends from high school and their husbands to Put in Bay over the weekend. If you like drinking and fishing...this is the place for you. Lots of entertainment, both musical and from the crowds. We tried to do our best to party like the young'ins, but for some reason I still think we came up short.

My hubby, Bubba, decided to get his load on Friday night and ended up back at the bed and breakfast by 10:15 pm. Seriously - can you be more of a lightweight honey? I myself do not drink very much at all anymore since I'm normally the designated driver. But it was my chance to pickle my liver this weekend so I tried to take full advantage.

Saturday Bubba didn't make it out of the room until we went to dinner around 7 pm, but I sure as heck wasn't going to ruin my short weekend sitting there watching a 19" tv, so off we went in search of some fun in the sun and found it as you can see. I sure as hell wouldn't have went to one of these places at 300 lbs. So it was nice to be able to feel just as one of the "old farts" at the part instead of old and fat. Bubba missed it. There was plenty of oogling to be done from all of us. I don't think I stopped smiling the whole time we were there.

Luckily, both Friday night and Saturday afternoon I got a pretty good buzz on, but knew my limits. I do have to say the 20 minute power nap before dinner was a bit unsettling, sort of like being on the ocean on a life raft, but necessary and totally helped me last the rest of the night.

It was great to catch up with friends I don't get to see very often even though they live close by. This was the first couples trip we ever took and it went well. I hated it that Bubba couldn't join us most of the day on Saturday and hope they didn't feel like he was dissing them. But I know he was sick since the remnants were in the sink yet on Saturday morning. Ewwwww! Long gross story, won't go into details, but he was SICK!

We went to visit his folks on the way home and also stopped in to see mine to thank them for checking on the cat. Dad mentioned to me that my newly married godchild is going thru some tough times starting out her marriage. Apparently, her new mother-in-law somehow convinced her son to delay putting $7,000 they saved for wedding expenses into the bank and she ended up paying her back taxes with it, all the while my niece was writing out checks to pay for wedding expenses. And then she had the nerve to say, "oh well, you're young, you'll get over it". Wow. That is just wrong on so many levels. And to top it off, his Dad left the morning of the wedding to go back home (out of state) because his car was acting up and he didn't want to have to pay for a tux. Didn't go to his only son's wedding. I'm sure there is alot more to the story but geez. I was so upset for my niece to be having to deal with all of this as her marriage is just beginning.

I sure hope they are able to put this behind them. I know it will take alot for her to have a good relationship with her in laws at this point. It's just too sad for words. I have never even had to question or have ever given a thought to the trust I have put into my in laws and family, and so inconceivable to me that something like this could ever happen (to me). So, I'm sure my niece pretty much felt the same way from everything she has ever said to me about his family. I just pray this will be resolved peacefully and without too much animosity. Not a great way to start your life together.

On the weight front, I'm going to stay off the scale for a few days with all the liquor and gluttony over the weekend. I need my routine back, so I'm actually looking forward to Monday!

Old photos...

2010-07-20T17:39:00.000-07:00

Many of us don't have alot of pictures from our "larger" days. I never wanted anything documented to show how big I had become, or to actually have to acknowledge the fact that I let my weight get so out of control. But I felt out of control. I felt powerless to stop. I mean, who wants to be obese? In my messed up mind I guess I felt that if I didn't have any pictures that showed me "large and in charge", then that period of my life didn't exist. Case in point...I have yet to get any wedding pictures made from our marriage, almost 5 years ago. #1 - I was about 205-210 when we were married. My hubby met me at 164. I don't like any of the pictures. Not enough to want them displayed in my home. I bought a dress that I thought would look nice and not make me look so big. But it never did fit correctly and I was still ashamed of how I looked. How sad it that? I said "Yes to the dress" not because I was in love with it and thought "this is it", but because it would be appropriate and hopefully hide my excesses.

I took my niece's wedding dress back to her parents on Sunday and kidded her that I might try it on. She was fine with it since she said she needs to get it cleaned and preserved. So, what the hell, I did. And you know what? IT FIT! It was exactly the way I would have wanted to look at my wedding. We were at my parents home when my sis wanted me to try it on, so I did and she ended up taking my picture a few times in the dress. Then Mom & Dad had to see me, then hubby and my brother in law. Jeesh! But I have to say what a wonderful feeling to get the chance to see myself in such a beautiful gown the way it should have been 5 years ago. My niece has given me a wonderful gift in allowing me to try on her dress. More then she will ever understand. God love her...

One great weekend...

2010-07-18T18:34:00.000-07:00

The whole family was in for my beautiful goddaughter's wedding. Typical hot, humid, sunny July weekend. Friday night was the rehearsal with the dinner at the golf course and Saturday was the big day. It was great to see my sister's family all come in. My godson's wife is 28 weeks along and just glowing with anticipation for their first child to arrive. Her youngest is enjoying his 10 month old son, Danny, who is just a joy...rarely cries and squeals with delight. He's is growing so fast.

My youngest nephew is off to the Peace Corps in September so every moment with him these days holds that much more meaning. He is truly a wonderful kid with a great personality and a quiet ambition to help others. And Brad and his wife are doing so well and seem very happy. But this was Ashley's big day and she is the only niece on my side, so she holds that special place in our family. Ashley grew up a block away from me so I always felt pretty close to my brother's kids, seeing them as much as I did and going to most of their sporting events (the triple header basketball games were killers). She is a truly wonderful person with a bubbly and outgoing personality that really rubs off on you. And a beautiful bride to boot.

The day went way too fast, and the weekend far too short. But here are a few pictures of my amazing sister and I, a picture of the gorgeous bride and lastly a photo of 3 of the most important women in my life. I am so blessed to have them along for the ride!

What are you?

2010-07-08T10:40:00.000-07:00

I got my newsletter from Katie Jay today, and she touched on some things that really ring true for me. I have reprinted it below for all of you...

This week, I want to remind us all about the psycho-logical fare we require on our journey. Because no matter how well we know what we are supposed to do physically, if we can't get ourselves to do it, we aren't going to get very far.

Deep down, most of us know these things need to be addressed, but sometimes we avoid them out of fear or a dislike for discomfort. Still, if we don't consider the truth about long-term recovery, if we don't know what the target looks like from a "mindset" perspective, how can we get there?

Many of the world's great faiths and philosophies teach us that mindset matters. Most of us have heard the verse from the Bible, "As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he."

So, here is my top five list of psychological considerations that most of us will need to face on our journeys to peace with food and our bodies:

1. On a long, arduous journey, getting help is not optional -- it's essential.

You'll need a good map, provisions, an emergency kit, a safe place to rest, sustenance, help overcoming obstacles, and insight and encouragement from those who have already made the journey.

2. When your brain chemistry is working against you, your journey will be longer and more challenging, if not impossible.

Knowing where you're going, and having your provisions, won't help if you're too depressed to get up in the morning, or too anxious to move forward. Sometimes medication and/or therapy are needed to help you stay focused and to give you the mental and emotional strength you need to stay on your path.

3. You harbor beliefs that will hold you back, so you'll need to take responsibility for rethinking and replacing the beliefs that don't serve your highest good.

Old beliefs can keep you locked in a story you tell yourself about the journey. Beliefs like, "I can't control my eating," "If I lose too much weight, I will become promiscuous," "Your time and needs are more important than mine," "You are an adult, but I can't trust you to take care of yourself -- so, I am doing it for you," "Exercise is too much work," "I can't live without chocolate," "I don't deserve to succeed," "If I lose too much weight, I'll lose my friends."

4. To create a new you (a you who can withstand the challenges of the journey), you have to be fully present for the planning and implementation process.

When you engage in escapist activities; i.e., overeating, drinking alcohol, gossiping, staying too busy, people pleasing (focusing always on others); you are not present with your own thoughts and feelings -- you're not available to support and encourage your new self.

Learning to tolerate being present with your
uncomfortable thoughts and feelings is the only way you can learn to shift away from discouraging or counterproductive thoughts and become more accepting of your entire emotional palette.

5. To find your truth, your success, your peace ... you have to head toward Reality. Anything else you desire, you'll seek, but never find.

I've heard it put many ways, but the bottom line is the truth WILL set you free -- it is the key ingredient in your recipe for WLS success. You just can't solve a problem if you don't know what it really is.

Counting calories doesn't cure depression and eating protein will not keep you from over-focusing on other people's needs. When we refuse to see the truth, we stumble in the darkness.

Many of us tell ourselves a story about why we are the way we are, but those stories may or may not be based on reality. The process of finding your truth is a critical part of your journey.

WLS is not the easy way out. But there are many ingredients you can add to your WLS recipe to gently move through the psychological, emotional, and social issues that arise as you cook up your yummy life.

Over the next five weeks, I'll discuss each of these five psychological considerations in greater depth.

From Small Bites, the email newsletter for the National Association for Weight Loss Surgery. Subscribe today and get your F'REE report, How to Regain-proof Your Weight Loss Surgery at www.NAWLS.com. (c) 2010 National Association for Weight Loss Surgery, Inc. All rights reserved.

So that brings me to my question? Are you the people pleaser? the busy bee? the gossip? What do or have you done as an escape activity in the past or now?

This is perhaps the hardest part of the journey. Finding your true self. I would rather talk about what I did than tell you my true feelings about it. I am guilty of not being present with my own thoughts and feelings. What the hell am I afraid of?

Reflecting...

2010-07-07T17:34:00.001-07:00

I've been looking at pictures from 2007, when my sis and I went to Vegas for a girls getaway. One of the more heavier moments in my life, at least in digital form. The only great thing about the plane ride was I got a first class ticket from Atlanta to Vegas due to cancellation, and then being bumped. I was supposed to meet my sister in MSP and fly out together. But I ended up in Atlanta, she ended up in Memphis, and we met in Vegas. All in all it was a great time, except when I look back and see just how BIG I looked back then. The other pic was taken about a month ago. I'm pretty much the same weight give or take a lb or two. Thank you my lovely lap band! I remember having a really hard time getting the seat belt fastened from Dayton to Atlanta, but I'll be damned if I was going to ask for an extender!

It just boggles my mind that I never could see exactly how I looked when I was heavier. Only when I got pictures taken and even then it didn't completely register. I struggle with that now, but it's getting better. Now I'm comfortably in a 10 and still feel like I need to lose about 10 lbs to look good. But the 10 sure beats a tight 28 anyday!

I've been trying to keep a journal of my eating and exercise the past couple of weeks, during the week. Then the holiday came around and 2 weeks of hard work went out the window. I started back in the mode again on Tuesday only to come home to homemade mac and cheese my hubby made me for supper. I just cringed. He just doesn't get that I try to refrain from as much as I can from pasta, breads and sugar and have asked him not to being chips home, but he does it anyway as a reward. It just feels like sabotage even though I know he's trying to be supportive. Unfortunately, he is a foodie and looks forward to every meal. Me, I've kind of lost the thrill of it all. Don't get me wrong. I love to eat. But I want to get off the last couple of lbs and stay there. I don't want it to take a year to get there.

Anyway, I did do a complete workout at the "Y" tonight since it's so darn hot out. Tomorrow - 94 degrees. And on the East, even worse. Some friends of ours wanted us to go to the Country Concert in Fort Loramie tomorrow night but we managed to bow out of that. Been there, done that many times over and the heat and humidity and crowd is not for me. I would be a wet noodle before I even got to the concert area. Besides, Brooks & Dunn aren't there due to illness, so they scrambled and got Hank Jr and Joe Nichols instead. Seen Hank years ago, wasn't that greatly impressed.

Not much cooking for the weekend. Picking up my bike at the bike shop Friday so I can add in some different exercise. And hopefully eat better since I'm going to try and limit the eating out this weekend. We went to a pool party on Monday which was wonderful! 2 other couples, both long time friends and on such a hot day - perfect! Nothing like lying on a floatie drinking a cold beverage in 90 degree heat. Now I want to be a hillbilly and stick a floatie in our hot tub and turn off the heat so I can feel the same way I did at the pool. mmm....

Getting the focus back...

2010-06-24T19:37:00.000-07:00

After two weeks of eating whatever I wanted whenever I wanted and totally ignoring actually having a lapband, I've finally clamped down this week and am trying to get to goal. My little escapade rewarded me with 3 extra lbs. So Monday, cause you know Mondays are the biggest "diet" day of the week, was my day to get started. I want to blame my total lack of judgment on my oven crapping out and still not working, but hey, it's the summer. When you've got a grill, stovetop, microwave, 6 crockpots...do you really NEED an oven? So far the scale has rewarded me with 4 lbs lost this week. But we'll see how the weekend fares.

Hubby hasn't been feeling well lately. Several trips to the doctor and an ER visit and they are still trying to figure out what is wrong with him. Either he is a hypochondriac or the docs are still scratching their heads on this one. He has a family history of HBP, and some musculoskeletal issues, severe acid reflux and the like and generally has been feeling like crap for the past 3 weeks. The problem is, I don't know how to help him and the frustration is starting to kick in. I also feel some guilt because I sometimes think he doesn't always help himself where his food choices are concerned and if he's serious about trying to get this under control, he needs to follow what the doctors tell him.

On top of that, my migraines have been flaring up the last week. Hell I didn't get 1 ounce of sleep last night, even after taking my meds for it. Last weekend was a bit freaky when I instantly got a headache behind my one eye (my usual spot) and when I went to the bathroom I notice that I had a broken blood vessel in my eye. Of course it was like 11 pm on a Saturday night when it happened, so I checked online and it sounded like it isn't that uncommon, so I let it go. Scary though.

Hubby and I are staying home this weekend, or that's the plan. It feels like we've been running around so much on the weekends that by Sunday night we've totally missed relaxing and enjoying the time off work. Need a break from the go-go-go.

Hope you all have a great weekend and do something fun (for me!).

Is it apathy, fear, or what?

2010-06-07T13:09:00.000-07:00

I'm down to my last 5 lbs. Stubborn son of a bitches. I can't say that I've been knocking my socks off trying to lose them, but I can't say I've changed anything in the way of food or exercise either. My last weight loss attempt got me within 14 lbs of my goal before I started to digress. So I'm trying to wrap my head around the reason. Not the apparent one of maybe upping the exercise etc., but if I'm afraid of getting to goal. Do I really feel so unworthy that I sabotage myself subconciously? Or am I just slacking off because I've heard a few comments that I don't need to lose anymore.

I don't have a problem accomplishing any goals I've set for myself in the past - as long as they're not weight-related. So, why do not feel the urgency now to finally get to the finishing line, so to speak?

My godchild/niece's wedding is in mid-July and I was so wanting to get to my goal by then. I've bought several dresses for the wedding so I have some choice in what I want to wear. It's more than motivation, or lack thereof, and I can't put my finger on it. Do I fear that if I get to my goal I won't be able to stay there? Or am I afraid that I'll finally realize "is that all there is? - so now what?" I've never been in the position of learning how to maintain my weight, so it would be new territory. Is that it?

Might be a question I have to raise at the next support group meeting. Can anybody relate to this?

Just call me Martha Stewart...with a bit of Paula Deen thrown in

2010-06-03T19:52:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my hubby's 49th birthday. So instead of taking him out to dinner as usual, he suggested we go to the prairie and hike and have a picnic. That was the plan in the morning. By 5:30 we were in the car and heading off for the hike. Well Mother Nature was a little angry last night and kicked up some ferocious weather on the way. So much so that we turned around and as we pulled in the driveway the tornado siren went off in town. By the time we turned on the TV we realized that exactly where we had been was where the rotation was...right when we were there! I didn't see any whirly gigs, but it was nasty and blew up in a hurry. Needless to say, our picnic ended up on the back porch.

After "dinner" - and I say that loosely because it consisted of cold meat sandwiches and potato chips, I decided to whip up some homemade granola bars. I saw a recipe in the Food Network magazine and I made my own version with the measurements given of various items in the recipe. Packed with protein, great source of fiber, and admittedly pretty damn good if I say so myself. I like to say they were healthy due to the Kashi cereal, oatmeal, craisins, nuts....but they also had butter, condensed milk and peanut butter in them. Tasty yes, but also packed with calories I'm sure. I gave alot of them away at work today.

This morning I turned on my workstation and got a great NSV in the form of an e-mail from the guy who owns the business next door. He just wanted to let me know that one of his employees asked him the other day who the new person in the office was next door driving the silver SUV as she was one hot chick. He told them that there wasn't anyone new and that it was me. He said he just wanted to let me know that people have noticed and that I was looking good. Love those kind of "make my day" moments. They seem to come more and more frequent. (I probably was old enough to be the guy's mother - if he had only gotten closer).

Kind of sets the tone for the whole day...sure beats the "shit rolls downhill" kind of days!

Yee Haw!

2010-05-31T13:16:00.000-07:00

Hubby and I got back from a long weekend in Nashville last night with family/friends. What fun! We stayed a few blocks from the 2nd & Broadway entertainment district so we didn't have to do alot of driving once we arrived. The flood waters have all receeded and most of the bars and shops on 2nd have opened back up. They have all done an amazing job at getting the city back on it's feet. It's really a tribute to the people of the city, and the "powers that be" that have lead the way in reviving the area so quickly. Once in awhile you would get a whiff of the musties here and there around Broadway due to the flood, but really almost everything seemed pretty well back to normal.

There were alot of homeless wandering around which was sad. Tent city was flooded down by the river and many have relocated to different areas during the day. Even though there were many, they were all pretty friendly and liked to talk. It was sad to see so many with so little.

We spent a good deal of time in the entertainment district, then at a brewery up around Vanderbilt University, the Belle Meade area, and lunch at the Loveless Cafe for their wonderful biscuits and preserves. The peach is to die for! Had to bring a jar home even though I don't normally eat much in the way of jam/preserves but damn was that good!

Saturday night we took in the Opry show at the Ryman which was great and felt like a treat since normally the shows aren't performed there, but due to the flooding of Opryland, they have been relocated to the Ryman on the weekends. We met a few of the band members from Exile in the alley along with the Whites. A tradition in Nashville to meet/greet performers on the show. All in all a great time.

I was a bit concerned with the way my band would act with the traveling. It seemed a little tight the night we arrived. Everyday was a bit uncomfortable to eat since we went with people who are fast eaters, and as you bandsters know, that doesn't bode well with the band. I did okay until the way back. We stopped in Louisville for a sandwich (problem #1), while traveling (problem #2) with T.O.M. (problem #3). I ordered a meatball sandwich (problem #4) and tried to eat what I could while we were sitting there. Well, I proceeded to slime a little afterwards, and then threw up in the car 3-4 times before we got to a rest area. And the bag burst, so I ended up wearing it. Ugh! I was so embarrased since my SIL was with us in the car. So after a new pair of pants and a little cleaning up, I was okay after that. Not fun. And totally my fault for ignoring what I already knew would be a difficult day.

Today we spent some time with my folks who came over every day and fed our Stueycat and watered the flowers. Spent some time reflecting on what Memorial Day is really about and glad to be home, safe and sound.

To those in the military, who had ever been in the military and for those who have given their lives for our liberties.....THANK YOU for your service and your sacrifice. You are the reason I get to do what I do, say what I want to say, and live the way I live. I am in awe of your dedication and sense of duty.

Oops...

2010-05-25T13:22:00.000-07:00

I've been a little remiss in my postings lately. Guess the stalled weight feels like everything else is in limbo too. Feels like I'm still trying to catch up from the weekend. We had a couple of friends over Friday night and went to Cassano's (the most wonderful pizza). Saturday we were up and at 'em working around the house, then it was off to a bridal shower for my godchild in the afternoon. No sooner than I get home, we are off to Celina to visit my hubby's folks and a friend that had knee surgery last Monday. Off to dinner and then home late. Sunday it was the Dayton Dragons game with another couple and dinner and home just in time for the sun to set. Felt like my weekend was a blur with not much at home accomplished.

On the band front, I have to admit that my food choices haven't been the best lately. Entirely too much eating out and grazing in the evening. I like to think my food choices are better but the fact is I shouldn't be eating it at all. Hubby and I drove down to West Chester last week and ended up at a Gap outlet to try on some jeans. I have this pair from 6-7 years ago that fit like a glove...curvy fit, a little ratty, but just loved the feel of the fit on my body. Well, they are getting a little too baggy to look good anymore so I wanted to try and find a pair that fit just as nice.

So, the outlet doesn't have exactly the best selection, but I tried on the 3 different "fits" that I thought would work and they ALL fit. Can't say any of them fit as wonderfully as my old pair, but they fit well enough to buy. And to boot, like $13.99 a pair! Get out! Felt like a major score.

I've pretty much overhauled my whole closet with new clothes and a few oldies but goodies from a few years back. The largest size I have kept is a 12, so there is absolutely NO going back at this point. I'm somewhere between a 10 and a 12, so I think maybe 5 more lbs ought to do it.

For the first time in what seems like ages, I feel pretty good about wearing sleeveless tops. Yes when you hold your arms a certain way you can really see the excess skin, but most of the time they look pretty good. The strength machines really do help with the toning...and the protein. I just need to get my mind back in the game to get the last few lbs off. Time to actually hit the goal and not just get close.

Vlog Day....

2010-05-13T11:53:00.000-07:00

I don't get it...I still feel fat

2010-05-04T19:45:00.000-07:00

I've been messing with the same 2 lbs for several weeks now. I'm comfortably in a size 12 and even get a size 10 jean on that is tighter than I personally would wear, but seem to see many an ass plastered in tighter ones. I can feel my collar bones, ribs, hip bones and my spine very easily. When I hold a pair of pants up, they don't look very large to me and yet when I get dressed in the morning, I still seem to see the same middle-aged woman 40 lbs ago. WTH!

When I was much heavier, I always thought I looked way better and thinner than I was until I was bitchslapped into reality by an errant picture here and there. Now it seems like my mind is playing a not so nice game with me that I don't want to play.

I'm taking some time off work next week for me time. Time to get out and do some physical work around the house, spend some time in the sun, catch up on my exercise at the Y, and work on cleaning out all the clutter in my house. Mostly though it's the mental break I'm looking forward to. Need a break from the weekly routine to recharge the batteries and refocus my energies. I'm really hoping for some great weather.

New appreciation for my surgeon...

2010-04-29T12:28:00.000-07:00

During the week I tend to check out my bariatric surgeon's forum to see what is up with the other banded patients of his. And today one of the posts reaffirmed by belief that I picked the right doc to do the job. Made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside...

I went ahead and copied it here if you would like to read it because it's really quite refreshing to hear about a doc who will go out of his way for his patients. I did omit their names for privacy reasons.

Post 1

Re: emergency procedure
Dr. Watkins is Awesome!!! (the staff are great too) I was in the hospitalvomiting, fever and spasms with the flu. After giving me some meds fordehydration they were going to send me home but I insisted that something elsewas wrong. They rolled their eyes and said that nothing was wrong. I asked if itwas possible that something was wrong with my band since I kept having seriousspasms in my stomach area and finally they ordered a cat scan. Turns out that Idid have a problem but no one there could help me. Dr. Watkins came to thehospital at 3:30 in the morning to treat me! The nurses couldn't believe it andsaid they would definately refer anyone considering the band to his office. Itwas also a deciding factor for my friend to have it done by Dr. Watkins and didso a few weeks later. His dedication to his patients is amazing. It took a fewweeks but I'm back on the mend and looking forward to continued healthy living.I realize now that I can't do this alone so I'm eager to meet some of my "bandedfamily" at the next support group and staying in touch via this site

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Post 2

I wanted to express my thanks and utmost appreciation for all of the staff andcrew at CWLC and especially Dr. Watkins for everything you did for me this lastweekend. I was deathly ill for three days with severe vomitting finally driving me to the emergency room Friday in the wee hours of the morning. After much deliberation about whether to actually treat me because I am a band recipientand it was not performed locally, they finally did a CT scan to check the band and its placement. During the CT scan they said the band looked fine and diagnosed me with a kidney stone. I was sent home with pain meds and zofranonly to return the to ER a few hours later when I couldn't keep the meds downand I was too exhausted to fight the pain any longer. This time it took hours to get back to be seen and even longer to convince them to give me via IV thesame meds they prescribed for me at home. After CT scan, swallowing studies,and enough poking and prodding they said that my stomach appeared dilated and I needed surgery torelease it. Of course, their Bariatric surgeon was out himself. They kept speaking of transferring me here or there to find someone available for the process. In the mean time I called CWLC and was speaking with Holly and Christina. I spoke with the surgeons and nurses regarding removing fluid from my band as Christina recommended. The nurse herself even had a band and still fought me tooth and nail. Dr. Watkins was prepared to come to Huntington WV himself to take a look at my situation with no help from the "medical professionals" here. A surgeon in the meantime withdrew what fluid he could. As they kept speaking of transferring me elsewhere I insisted on knowing the name of the doctor that was willing to help me, that I didn't want transferred to sit for two days like I have already. I never received an answer so in themean time Dr. Watkins arranged for immediate surgery at West Chester. We asked for discharge, which they were eager to issue me, and started towards Cincinnati. We had not even pulledinto the Medical Center parking lot when my insurance had been precertified, a wheelchair was awaiting me at the entrance, and I was taken straight back to begin work-up. I was given more attention in the first five minutes there thanin hours at my home hospital! Within an hour I was in surgery where (if I understand this correctly) my stomach had dilated beyond all hope, had strangulated itself on my band and blood flow was cut off to the lower portion of my stomach. Essentially my band had to be removed and I'm on major restrictions as I allow my stomach to heal. I was told I was 2 out of 5000 banded patients to have to have their band removed due to anything remotely like this - why me! BUT out of it all I am truly BLESSED to have CWLC and Dr.Watkins by my side, not to mention the big man Himself! I owe my life, especially my quality of life, to Dr.Watkins, the nurses, anesthesiologist, and all the other crew I am omitting at this point. The facility was top notch, the employees seemed to ENJOY being there, and my treatment was AMAZING! We now know that if anything arises, we're in the car straight to Cincinnati first thing! May each of you receive a bit ofconfidence knowing the dedicated, trustworthy, knowledgable, and truly caringstaff here for each of us. The road to recovery is going to be a lengthy one and scary for me knowing Idon't have my band behind me right now. You may see me at the occassional support group and I will need motivation and support more now than probably ever. Again, I cannot express my thanks enough! Thank you each and every member of CWLC and may God bless you every day! With my deepest appreciation, E. H. (always banded in heart)

It's a wonderful feeling to know that he is there for you when you need it, but it also poses the question of how much do we really know about all the ramifications of what can happen with the band and how much do we have to be prepared? I think you can research until you're blue in the face but does anybody really think this kind of thing can happen to them? I mean....CRAP! If she would have waited any longer or went to another facility that didn't know what to do, what would have happened? Kind of scary to think about. Also makes me want to make sure I treat my band better. I would seriously hate to have to get it taken out at this point. For those of us who haven't had any problems....we are blessed!

My husband the porn star...

2010-04-22T11:09:00.000-07:00

Ahhhh, made you look! Last night hubby decided it was time to shave off the goatee he's been sporting for the past few months. Naturally for him, it doesn't come off all at once. No, too easy! So, he shaved it off his chin and now has his mustache all the way down past his jaw line. To top it off with his flannel shirt on last night, he looked like a dude right out off the show "My Name is Earl". He decided to go to work today with it as a gag. Man I hope it's only a one day gag. Between that and him in his skivvies shaking what his mama gave him in front of me last night I lost all of my libido in like a nanosecond. Seriously dude, you look like you plopped right out of the 70's!

In other news, my scale blessed me with a new number this morning...157. Well, first it was 156.5...down a whopping 3 lbs from yesterday, but after the happy dance a couple of times, it stayed at 157. So, 7 lbs to go and then comes the maintenance part. I can't even imagine what it will be like to not be trying to lose weight! It's been my life's work. I've never actually ever got to my goal weight before in losing weight. And to be honest I'm not sure how I'm going to feel when I get there.

White pants...

2010-04-20T07:49:00.000-07:00

Well a couple of days ago I wanted to return the jeans I bought at Kohls that were just too long, so naturally I looked over the racks while I was in there. Since I'm in new territory with the weight loss, none of my previous clothes that I had kept fit that great anymore, so I thought I should get myself some new crop pants. And yes, there in the rack tucked away past all the blue jeans, twills, and cargo pants, were a small section of white crop pants. And they had a 12...do I dare?

Well, along with the dozen or so other pairs I tucked the white crop pants under my arm and headed for the dressing room. I found several pair that were worthy of gracing my new bottom before I tried the white pair on. Finally, the last pair to go, and there they were...mocking me. Really, do you think your ass is going to look any better in these than before? Luckily I had enough confidence in myself after several successful pairs to go ahead and try them on. And viola! They fit! Not only do they fit, but they actually don't make my butt look like it should have a yield sign on it! So, I am the new proud owner of white crop pants. The first pair of white pants/shorts/crops since like...high school?

Major NSV. Major. Now I need a tan. Former pear shapes unite!

Vlog day...04/18/10

2010-04-18T08:32:00.000-07:00

Skype, surgery and stuff...

2010-04-16T18:33:00.000-07:00

Okay so Tuesday I broke down and went to Staples and bought a webcam. Since my dear old sis lives so far away, it will make a much better way to communicate with the whole Skyping thing than trying to balance my cell phone on my shoulder for an hour. When she was home she set our parents up and I have to admit, I was more than interested at the time, but my mind was more on the literal pain in the butt I was having.

You see, it's been what almost 3 weeks since I've posted? Anyway, I won't bore you with the details except to say that the cyst I had near my poop shoot turned into being a fistula. I had surgery this afternoon to remove/drain/suture up the area. Thank God for good drugs! The Vicodin is working great and minimal pain. Great surgeon, great anesthesiologist and I'll say great support from the nurses. Hopefully, this is the end of the drama for me at least.

This past week has been quite an emotional ordeal for me. At my appointment with my surgeon earlier this week, I found a long time friend I haven't seen in almost a year filling out paperwork in his office. Ironically I posted a note on her Facebook page the night before about getting together. So it was quite a surprise to see her sitting at that particular surgeon's office at the very time of my appointment. Since they called me in first, I told her I would wait for her. And I'm glad I did. She found out that she has several tumors on her thyroid and needs another ultrasound before he decides the best course of action. She was pretty emotional about it so we went out for dinner and talked for quite awhile. She lost her husband 2 years ago of a massive heart attack (no warning whatsoever and an avid hockey player to boot) and both her parents are gone. But wonderful Jackie has many many friends and brothers and sisters to support her along the way.

And to top it all off, one of my bosses has a son diagnosed with a brain tumor last week almost 3 inches long at all of 12 years old. It was affecting his peripheral vision and he was having some neurological symptoms as well. They did surgery yesterday (9 hours, 20 minutes) and I found out this morning that it was a success. Docs think they got most of it, and so he may have to have radiation, but his prognosis is excellent according to the family. Full recovery. Amen!

So you know, this morning I had my annual pap smear and exam and called the head boss to find out the news about his grandson and had to put my issues into perspective. After dreading today as much as possible, knowing I was getting poked and prodded from the "innie" to the "outie", I went to the hospital a whole lot more calm and thankful for the minor inconveniences of the day.

Thank you God for a wonderful day...now please help Jackie.

Sis in town...

2010-03-26T13:49:00.001-07:00

Well my banded sis came home Wednesday night for a week. So...yesterday I took the day off work and we spent the WHOLE day shopping! Left at 8:30 am, drove to Cincinnati to Kenwood Towne Center, then the Cincinnati Premium Outlets, then back up to Dayton for a few more stops. Other than the weather, the trip was great! I went to get some crops pants for the spring/summer, and came home with 16 shirts and a pair of jeans instead. But hey, the shirts are cute. Pretty much got rained on the whole afternoon at the Outlet center...why oh why do they think everyone wants to be outside no matter what the weather in Ohio? By the time we made it north to Troy, the rain had turned to snow, and by the time I dropped my sis off at the parents, they had an inch on the ground and it was accumulating on the roads. By this morning, tons of ice on the road and really treacherous! Luckily, I only work about 1 1/2 miles from my home so it's not a big deal, but wow what a difference in the weather. Wednesday night hubby and I walked outside with barely a jacket on. Even yesterday morning when we started out, neither one of us wore a coat or even a light jacket.

The "cyst" - or mini me as my sister fondly would call it, still hurts and I'm so hoping the surgeon doesn't try and drain it again or that I have to have surgery. I seems to have gotten smaller, but it still is uncomfortable. I'll try not to get panicky about that and remember to take my Motrin before I go for my checkup Monday.

Fish fry tonight at the bowling alley with hubby's brother and wife and watch some basketball. On the band front, I keep bouncing around and am up 2 1/2 lbs since my lowest. Not thrilled about that, but mini-me is taking precedence right now. And I am feeling better with the slight unfill last week so I'm not going to obsess about the scale. Still lovin' the band though!

NOW I know what hurts the worst...TMI

2010-03-22T10:07:00.000-07:00

One thing about being banded that has come up (or failed to come out) is constipation. Wow, when I get it, it takes softeners, laxatives, and sometimes (as hubby calls it) the TNT sticks to help things along. Then, if that isn't enough the ole hemorrhoids rear their ugly heads and make life miserable for a few days. Well, here I was lying in bed last Tuesday and thought, why is it so painful "down there". Haven't had a trouble of late. Then when I was taking my shower in the morning I felt a fairly large lump near the poop shoot and was a little concerned to say the least. Something different, something internal. The more I sat at my desk the more worse it hurt. So after a call to the doc's office (at least I got the female NP) to check out the "problem" and the prodding that ensued...very uncomfortable I might add...she said it seemed to be a cyst and said she would try and get me over to a surgeon's office right away. Huh?

Okay, so about an hour later I'm in with the surgeon and lo and behold he is going to drain this thing right now. By this time I've forgotten all of my inhibitions and have no qualms about showing my hind end to anyone. Well, the Mennonite nurse forewarned me that the numbing meds don't really work down there very well. Hell the shot itself (picture in your mind getting a shot about 1/2" from the poop shoot) was about to send me into orbit. Then he proceeded to make an incision and I yelled "good God" and immediately felt horrible with the nurse standing there. I'm glad that is all that came out. Then went in some instrument as I'm taking long deep breaths and then the packing strip he placed inside as I'm trying not to embarrass myself too much. But by this time I'm shaking, then come the cold sweats and the woosh in my ears and yep, I'm ready to pass out. I tell the nurse to not wake me up until he's done if I do, but no such luck. The nurse gave me smelling salts...a good healthy dose actually. That's the longest I've felt like passing out when I didn't do the deed. And I can count the number of times I've passed out on one hand in my life. After about 10 minutes later, I'm finally with it enough to leave the office. The bottom feeling definitely better, me not as well. Watch me meet up with that doc again in the grocery store or something. Wonder if he'll remember my "face"?

Entering new territory...

2010-03-14T18:59:00.000-07:00

I was sincerely amazingly happy when I reached my mini-goal of 164 lbs. Last time there....over 6 years ago. Well let me tell you...the scale has finally been moving and this morning I clocked in at 162. Yes, I did the step on the scale 3 times thing to make sure it stayed there and wasn't just an aberration. And it did. Each time. I am now the lowest I've been since I was a senior in high school. 28 years ago. I feel like I'm in unchartered waters. The body hasn't bounced back like I'd hoped, but hey I look pretty decent in clothes, so I won't complain.

So what did I do today? Packed up all the "too big" clothes and put 3 bags in the Special Olympics bin in front of our local grocery, and gave several piles of clothes to my SIL who was banded in October. Getting it out of here. I don't want to keep anything to make it easy to slide backwards. Been there done that and not doing it again!

I really hope everyone with me on this journey meets and exceeds every single one of their goals. It has been an all-encompassing life changing experience that I wish everyone could have who has struggled with their weight. I feel like I've been given such a gift....quite simply my life back. Life is grand!

NOT an NSV....and SV! Mini-goal reached!

2010-03-09T08:58:00.000-08:00

To quote Buck Owens..."woke up this mornin', happy as could be". Well okay, not quite. Had a freaking migraine at 4 in the morning that kept me up and a couple of hours until the drugs kicked in, but when I did finally get up and stepped on the scale....HOT DAMN! Today's the day! Clocked in at 164 lbs...the same weight as when I met my husband. And, the last time I hit this weight since high school. Can't tell you how good I feel today emotionally! From here it's all a bonus!

My next mini-goal is 159 lbs - the weight where I will not longer be considered "overweight". And then my ultimate goal is 150 lbs. Which I'm afraid is going to take awhile, but I'm trying to keep the accomplishments in perspective.

Saturday hubby and I went and picked up our new SUV. Loving it so far! We decided on the GMC Terrain with almost all of the bells and whistles since we already have a full-size SUV. I love the excitement I get when getting a new car! Feels like I did when I was younger. You see, I LOVE to drive. Always did. Mom and Dad couldn't get me out of the driver's seat once I got my license. I do probably 95% of the driving when hubby and I are together...mostly because when we go out he does like his craft beers and me, I rarely drink anymore, so it just makes sense. Driving is my catharsis, okay except when you get an a**hole driver around you, but for the most part, I thoroughly enjoy it.

Over the weekend I have to say my band didn't want to cooperate with me too much. Maybe it's due to the TOM, but Saturday I struggled both for lunch and dinner. Not fun when you go out with friends. They all know I have the lap band, but it still doesn't look good when you keep having to leave the table and go to the bathroom. Plus, I woke up with a head cold on Friday which I'm sure didn't help matters. The whole combo is giving me reflux at night so if the ole persnickity doesn't settle down in the next week, I'm going to have to go down to Cincinnati and have a little taken out. I really, really, really don't want to...but I've got to look at this for the long haul. I want to win the war.

Movement :)

2010-03-01T07:31:00.000-08:00

This is the first Monday in what seems like ages that the scale did not punish me for my excessiveness over the weekend. I woke up today the same weight as Saturday. Get out! So hate to say this, but I'm pretty happy today. I hate to think that my emotions are still being controlled by what my scale tells me in the morning. I'd like to think that I'm past that by now. But the slow progess in the last month really threw me for a loop after having such a consistent weight loss during this journey. I know Jack Sh*t, slow and steady and keeping focused on the goal is best, I really don't know how you keep your mindset on the straight path.

I bought some protein shots last week online after hearing such great things about them. Guess what? They smell like pee and the taste is just slightly above pee. Orange flavored pee. Can't even tell you what my husband said about them. I've got 44 of them left and am going to pass a few out at our next support group meeting. The rest will still take me a year to get through I'm sure. The only thing good about them is that you can throw one in your purse for those days when you're concerned about your intake. That is it!

Hubby and I went with our friends furniture shopping on Saturday. Nine furniture stores, Sam's club, a clothing store, a sporting goods store, 2 fitness stores, and super market, and lunch & dinner. Oh, and the BMV stop I had to make. It was a full day. And do you believe our friends still couldn't find any leather furniture they liked. Honestly, we probably saw a couple of hundred living room sets Saturday and they didn't find a thing. This was their 3rd week of furniture shopping. I think they have many more in their future. We settled on a couple of Flexsteel chairs and I need to order my dining set/server and end tables yet. We found someone that will take out old stuff that had a fire so at least it's being put to good use. I'm just happy to get rid of it.

Tonight we're looking at a new SUV. Getting rid of the convertible. Crap. I really like that thing. The year after we were married, my husband and I bought a PT Cruiser convertible - red, turbo. We drove it to Maine (shipped our clothes there) and back - taking mostly back roads on the way home. What a great trip! We also have taken it to the Upper Peninsula in Michigan and over to the Twin Cities area and a few day trips here and there. We've had alot of good times in it, but hubby is ready to make a change since we aren't blessed with a 3-car garage. Practicality is going to reign over having fun I guess. There is something about the wind in your hair and getting a tan effortlessly that I just loved. Just feels like kind of a downer.

Today starts the beginning of what is it - Nutrition month of something? I guess that is as good reason as any to re-commit to being on the straight and narrow food-wise. I would really just like to know why my body is so screwed up. I lose weight when I eat crap and don't exercise more than when I watch what I eat and do. It's hard to stay motivated when your metabolic makeup really doesn't reward you when you are on your best behavior. Where's my warm fuzzy? Where's my reward for continuing to work out and eat healthier? The past 4 days we haven't gone to the "Y" and haven't worked out. Ate whatever we wanted. And I'm not being punished. I'm the kind of girl that needs that positive reinforcement to continue doing the right thing and what is happening is not helping me one bit. But that being said, I am committed to exercising and striving to eat better if only to keep my knees and my back from hurting. I like the "new" me. And logically I know it's making me feel better, look better and be healthier. It would sure be nice if my scale would appreciate the effort!

Pouch test review...

2010-02-22T19:53:00.000-08:00

Day 1 - not too bad. Day 2 - the crevices of my belly burned from lack of substance. Day 3 - heaven. Day 4, Day 5 - more heavenly. After it was all said and done, I lost about 1 lb. After the weekend, I was back up 3 lbs. WTF?! We went out to a fish fry Friday night and that was probably my worst meal of the weekend...a little butterfly shrimp, baked potato. Saturday hardly anything at all except for 2 squares of pizza at the wonderful Cassano's. There must be a lb. of salt in each square because I always gain weight if we go there. Sunday, pretty much nothing until dinner when I made chicken piccata and fingerling potatoes. But all in all, no more than 5-6 oz per meal. It's really disheartening when you go through the pouch test to try and shake things up and nothing happens.

I know, I know. Pizza, shrimp. Not the most healthy things to choose. Knowing my personality, I'm trying to allow myself a few things here and there so I don't feel deprived, because that's the kiss of death for me. So the weekends are a little indulgent, but during the week I keep my diet pretty strict. I don't eat alot of red meat anymore. Mostly chicken (pan seared then baked) and baked fish. Protein shakes, cottage cheese, yogurt with Kashi cereal, etc. Elliptical for 30 minutes about 5x/week with 20-25 minutes on the strength machines. A heck of alot more than I used to do when I dieted, but for some reason, nothing's happening for the past month. I'm just asking for 15-18 more lbs. Please.

I'm trying to keep positive, that I feel better, look better, my knees don't hurt hardly at all anymore. More energy, no more back problems, sleep better, happier, and one heck of alot healthier. But like all - I want more. I guess I have to decide whether or not I want to put an absolute 100% into it, deprive myself of everything not "band appropriate" and take the risk that it may backfire on me psychologically.

I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing for now, give it another month and see what happens. In the meantime, I posted a couple of pics to remind me just how far I've come. The one picture is from 2007 - after I lost 136 lbs and gained the majority of it back. And the other pic is from a couple of weeks ago. A little deflated -

Day 3 - Pouch test

2010-02-17T12:05:00.000-08:00

Okay...I would like to say the 2 days of liquid dieting were hell, but I can honestly say that until last night, it all went pretty well. No hunger pains until about 8:30 last night, then it was white knuckles until bedtime. Luckily, today is soft proteins. So I've had my requisite protein shake this morning, followed by 2 egg omelet and 2 oz of cottage cheese at lunch. Can't say I was really full, but not hungry either. And it did take me 25 minutes to eat it instead of 15. I had to wait about 5 minutes for the cottage cheese to go down, so I gave myself some extra time to eat. Can't tell you how good lunch was! Later on I plan on having a couple more ounces of cottage cheese and then a piece of baked tilapia tonight for dinner.

The scale rewarded me for my diligence this morning and I am officially at 166. 2 lbs from my mini-goal....16 from my ultimate goal. YES! Amazing how you can lose 3 1/2 lbs in 1 day. Must have been all the sodium in the chicken broth from the last 2 days working its way out.

I have to say that this little test has helped to put me in the right frame of mind again. Even though I have chocolate...GOOD chocolate in the house, I haven't touched it since this began. Not once.

DH and I have been working out 4-5 times a week at the "Y". Monday, we went to the one in Minster since it was closer to our tax preparer than our local one. They have totally different strengthening machines than our local "Y" and I'm still feeling the effects on my inner thighs and arms. Pretty much look like an 80 year old walking around work today.

I'm thinking by the next week I can get off these last 2 lbs for my mini-goal. It's nice to see a "new" number for a change! Plateau's stink...even if there only for a couple of weeks. I'm not a patient person when it comes to the scale. I need validation...a "gold star", for a job well done from my scale. Not the same number over and over again like someone's got their big toe on the end of it. Who doesn't like a gold star? We get so little of them these days!

We ended up not having our support group meeting last night due to the weather. I'm so very tired of snow. Oh wait, ICE. Tired of ice. Tired of feeling like I'm stuck at home, even though we've been out and about. Stueycat is even tired of it. There is only so much you can watch the birds eating out at the feeder you know!

Valentine's - starting anew

2010-02-15T08:47:00.001-08:00

DH and I had a great weekend together. Saturday we actually WENT to a movie...the first in probably 4+ years. DH would rather watch them at home. Me? I like the whole experience. He found a movie he wanted to see (that I also would see) in Dayton, so we drove down there for the day and saw Crazy Heart with Jeff Bridges, had dinner, went to the mall and a few other places and then back home. Sunday, we went to Huber Heights and goofed around strip mall shopping, grabbed a bite to eat and lounged around on the couch and caught the end of the Daytona 500 - which I taped before we left and it was STILL on when we got home! Wow, what a marathon. Glad to see Junior did well - still my sentimental favorite.

I began the 5-day pouch test today. After 3 days of heavy eating and eating all the wrong foods, and eating even when I wasn't hungry, I figured it's time to go back to basics. I haven't done the liquid thing since surgery and can't say I'm looking forward to it, but since the doc said at my last visit that I had a slight dilation, it's probably wise to give the old thing a rest. Ugh! But, a good week to do it since I'm busy tonight getting our taxes done and tomorrow with support group meeting. By the time I hit the "Y" after, it will be 9pm or so and that should be easy enough to finish the day up without eating since I don't like to eat past 8 anyway.

I've never done the 5-day pouch test, but a few people from our weight loss center that have said it really helped them get back in the right frame of mind. Let's hope. I'm way too close to screw up now. This morning the scale punished me with a 2 lb weight gain since Saturday. Hopefully we'll be friends by the end of the week. I am wanting to get to my mini goal weight by the end of next week - 164. By tomorrow I'm sure I'll be hungry enough to eat wood. Lord, please give me strength on this one!

Okay, here goes the dress

2010-02-05T20:49:00.000-08:00

We are getting blasted with snow right now. I had taken the day off to get some things done at home. Since DH was off too, we called up my folks and took them out for lunch and then played cards afterwards. The snow started coming right as we ended our walk this morning and has continued all day long. The problem is, the wind also kicked up and the drifting is causing alot of problems. So it's nice to be hunkered down this evening while the wind is blowing and the drifts continue to build. Our supposedly busy weekend just may end up being us holed up in the house if it decides not to let up.

So, with time on my hands and clothes of various sizes in my closet, I got to work cleaning out more stuff I don't need. And tried on "the" dress I had on when I first met my hubby on a blind date. It's still tight, but could't resist. Another 5-10 lbs and it should look pretty good. Not that I have anyplace to wear it, but it sure feels good that I am THAT close to my mini-goal.

I think the rest of the race will be slower than a Turtle

2010-02-03T19:23:00.000-08:00

Well I jumped on the scale this morning to find that I'm FINALLY 1/2 lb down after about 2 weeks. Thank you Jesus! I still can't figure out my pretty consistent weight loss and then suddenly the somebody just slams on the brakes.

But, that being said, this is one of the weeks that I should be losing, so I'll keep my eyes peeled in the morning. I have one 1 lb to go for the Valentine's Day Challenge which makes me feel pretty good. I've hit my goal weight on all but 1 so far. I'd be afraid to put anything down for another at this point. I applaud anyone who can perservere through a plateau. Being the drama queen that I can, I think 2 weeks is horrible. Months would send me off the charts!

Well, this week I feel like I'm stuck in the Groundhog Day movie...same routine every day until Friday. Boy am I glad I took friday off, and DH doesn't have to work, so it will be a nice 3-day weekend, even though it may be a little busy. We're expecting snow friday, so I don't know if we'll be going anywhere but the "Y", but friday is my day of relaxation since the weekend will be pretty busy. I need to stop by my parent's house for sure. I got the routine phone call from Dad asking what I been doing (which really means, you haven't been around to visit in awhile). So, I will need to check in and see how they are doing. Maybe if the weather holds out, we'll go out for lunch on friday.

I just started on Farmville this week on Facebook and I'm getting a little obsessed with it. Even Dr. Phil thinks it's addicting! A nice little way to pass the time while DH watches TV.

Well, I'm watching my Stueycat dreaming next to me. Love it when he growls in his sleep and his whiskers twitch. He turns into a really pussycat at night. And, thankfully at the end of the day...even when the day has been shitty, he lets me know that I'm the most important person in his life. And this is from a former dog person. mmmm...

micro Plateau...

2010-01-29T10:59:00.000-08:00

I've been the same weight, no let me correct myself, I actually gained a lb and then lost it, in the past 9 days. Usually I understand it because I seem to only lose a significant amount of weight 2 weeks out of the month. I mean, how can you lose 4 1/2 lbs in 5 days and then not lose any for 9? Not to mention my DH and I went to the Y every night this week and I did my 30-35 minutes on the elliptical and 20-25 minutes on the strength machines. The only things that are thanking me right now are my thighs and my glutes. And they really don't look any different. Plateaus, or even mini-ones, tend to get me side tracked by not seeing any progress. Logically, I know the scale will start moving again, but I've always been someone who like immediate gratification (that hasn't gone away). So, I'm gritting my teeth through the weekend and will have to be even more conscientious about watching my food choices. I really want to get into that long dress by Valentine's Day!

I tend to be like Catherine55 and weigh myself right away every morning. I figure it's my most consistent number of the day. And I do the little happy dance when I get a new number of the scale to light up. Haven't had many happy dances lately...

On the Botox front, after 6 days, there is a definite improvement! My parentheses between my eyes are almost completely gone and the main wrinkle on my forehead is just barely noticeable. We'll see how another week goes. I have to say after the first couple of days I was pretty skeptical about what it would do for me, but I'm pleasantly surprised so far. The only part I'm not sure about is around the eyes, if I get it done again, I may just let that part go. I can't tell alot of difference. So far, only my sister knows I had it done....and you all of course.

Not much up for the weekend. I have to work tomorrow morning, and then DH and I are going to church with his parents and out to eat. And I imagine we'll probably catch up with a few friends after since we'll be in town. It supposed to be so cold this weekend we'll probably just curl up on the couch and make some soup on Sunday. Hope the weekend is good for all of you...be safe my friends.

Lazy Sunday...

2010-01-24T18:32:00.001-08:00

Well, I'm watching my beloved Brett Favre get the sh*t beat out of him and thinking it doesn't look good for the Vikings. I was really rooting for the "old" guy! I mean, how can you not like Favre? Good looking, rugged, tough beyond comprehension, extremely competitive and good family guy that just loves to play football. I've just got to root for a guy like that. And then as I write this, he just tied it up 28 all with a touchdown. I still have my fingers crossed.

Well yesterday I had my slight unfill. The doc said I had a mild dilation due to being too tight after my barium swallow. So instead of the .2 unfill I thought he would do, he just did a .1 cc unfill. And so far (I know it's only been 1 night), but no reflux! I still took my Pepcid last night and tonight just in case, but so far, so good. Yes!

I also decided to give myself a little treat yesterday. I told my DH that my appointment would take an hour...I just didn't tell him why. Well let's just say that I've noticed for the last 2 years especially, that my complexion has been changing rapidly. The lines are getting deeper, my frown lines always seem to make me look like I'm irritated and my skin seems to be not responsive to any kind of new moisturizer, serum, etc. So, out of curiousity and pure vanity, I got my first Botox treatment. I had no idea what to expect!

Well, the actual treatment only takes about 10 minutes or so. I think the doc put 5 injections in my forehead, 2 between my eyebrows and 2 around each eye. I can't tell much difference yet, because the doc said it can take up to 2 weeks to get the full effect. So, I guess we'll see. I didn't hurt as much as I thought it would...although there were about 2 injections that I know I moved slightly, a little more than a bee sting. So, I survived and am anxiously awaiting the results. I don't know if I'll do it again. But let's just say if it looks natural and gets rid of my scowl, at least I might continue to get the "between the eyebrow" thing done. Just that would make me feel alot better. So, yes...pure vanity I know. I guess I would just like to look as good as I've been feeling these days! I'll try to post a pic in 2 weeks on the progress and you all let me know what you think.

After my appointment, we did our usual shopping extravaganza. My DH is a strip mall shopper as well as a foodie. He's a TJ Maxx fan, me not so much, but I did find a couple of fine guage sweaters that I can wear into the Spring. On our way back through Dayton, we stopped at Steinmart where I found several tanks to go under my new sweaters and alone. Quite a few mediums which is always great! And then lastly, we headed down to Dorothy Lane Market. Which is just about the best upscale 3-location mini-chain that I've ever known. They have the absolute best produce, meat case, desserts to die for, and well heck I haven't found anything that I didn't like there honestly! I got a piece of strawberry shortcake for DH and I to share and we picked up some of their homemade soup and cheese spreads to take home.

I've never minded the 75 miles trip down to the doc's office because it means DH and I get to spend the day together doing whatever we want. We usually make a whole day of it and it's always nice to reconnect after a long week of work.

This week is our annual year-end audit, so it will be great to get that out of the way, and then I need to finish up the Manufacturer's Survey from our wonderful Dept. of Commerce that almost seems to ask exactly how many times have you farted and did they stink. Can't wait til this week is over so I can turn my focus on other things.

It is now overtime in the Vikings/Saints game, so I'm hoping the Vikings pull it out. Go old man!

5 lbs from mini-goal~!

2010-01-22T13:13:00.000-08:00

I'm officially in the 160's! YES! The weight is coming off steady these days and I'm loving it! But as a side note, we had our support group meeting on Tuesday night and I mentioned to the Doc (who was so kind by the way to come up to our meeting - about 90 miles away for him) that I was getting a bit of acid reflux at night since the last fill. He didn't like that one bit. I let him know I bought some Pepcid AC the day before and had a tablet before bed and didn't have any reflux. He was willing to do an unfill right then if I wanted but I told him I would like to give it 2 weeks and see if the Pepcid was working and then go off of it and see if I still have the problem. Well, wouldn't you know I woke up twice Tuesday night coughing. Even not eating 3-4 hours before bed or drinking anything an hour before helped. So, unwillingly, I called and made an appointment for Saturday for a slight unfill and a barium swallow - just to make sure everything is okay down there. Crap.

But in all honesty, yesterday was the tightest day I've ever had. I was only able to eat about 3 bites of fish and that was it for lunch. Even that gave me incredible pressure and a slight stuck feeling. And last night I tried to eat a little mashed potatoes and fresh sausage and I had to dry heave a little before the feeling passed. Whoa! Hate the uncomfortableness of eating when you're too tight. But the weight loss has been great - I'll miss that instant satisfaction I've been getting stepping on the scale every morning.

DH and I are going out for dinner with my parents tonight who will no doubt make a big fuss over my weight loss. Like I don't see them every week or two. I really hate to say this but I do better with my progress when I don't see them. Suffice it to say it's complicated. Alot of my food issues stem from well into my childhood and I have yet to figure it all out. My mindset has been really good of late and I don't want to get sidetracked. We all know how easy it is to get derailed!

I have a feeling that at some point I'm going to have to dig into the "why" of my food issues and so far at least consciously I'm unwilling to do that. My band doc suggested a book called "Shrink Yourself" by Gould that delves into the emotional and psychological side of eating. With my focus so strong right now - I hate to begin to try and change anything or examine those issues. I'm sure I will lose my focus at some point and give it a try, but right now I don't want anything to stand in my way.

So to all of you - have a great weekend and do something fun. And - enjoy the ride!

Almost 20 to go...

2010-01-18T11:13:00.000-08:00

I've lost around 7 lbs in 16 days (date of last fill), and I'm feeling a good restriction. I definitely can't eat as much as before and feel very uncomfortable if I eat too much or too fast. Good news is that I am only 6 1/2 lbs from the weight I was when I met my husband a little over 6 years ago. When that day comes, I'm putting on the long dress I wore on the day we met and am going to parade around in it while I treat him to a really nice dinner. That would probably do me some good too! AND I'll make sure to take a picture!

I'm down to a 14 pant size which is nice...they aren't looking quite as big these days, and a petite medium or large in a top (if long sleeves). Lands End - you've got to love 'em since I always take a size smaller on top than at a department store. Heck I think I buy there just to make myself feel good! I bought a few of those camisole tops with the built in wire and padded bra. LOVE THEM! I feel I'm about 5-10 lbs away from wearing them so that should be good for the spring/summer time. Boy do I like shopping a whole lot more than I used to. We went to Polaris Mall over the weekend since we went to see our buddy Derek's basketball team play, but for some reason I didn't feel much like shopping. So unlike me. No hangers left in the closet I guess.

I'm passing my clothes "up" to my sister in law who was banded about 2 1/2 months ago so she will be able to have some "only slightly used" business attire for work. It's been fun to finally get rid of all of the "fat" clothes once and for all. I keep telling myself I'm never going back there so why keep it? It's been very cathartic.

My lap band doc is coming to our "Northern" support group tomorrow night and I'm picking him up from the airport since he's flying his plane over to a local strip. It's the first time he's been up here since we started meeting in the fall. There are about 5-6 of us that meeting monthly at a local family practitioner's office after hours to talk about how things are going and encourage those who need it. It's a wonderful experience that I'm glad I chose to join. We may also from time to time have someone who is getting banded join to ask questions from those in attendance and get the real scoop - something I wish I would have done to put my mind more at ease before the surgery.

I'm a little over 20 lbs from my goal of 150 lbs. And when I get there I will have officially lost 150 lbs total from my highest weight. I can't even put into words how monumental that number is when you are at 300 lbs and want to lose weight. The idea of losing a lb or two a week seems like such a slow process, but I know in my heart of hearts that if I didn't have this band, I wouldn't be where I'm at today and I'm very grateful to have had the opportunity to get the lap band and have a relatively easy journey.

And when my sister gets to where she wants to be with her goal weight, the two of us are going to meet up for a shopping destination and buy some smokin' hot clothes. If any of you have any suggestions on some really nice shopping complexes - let me know! Anywhere in the USA is fine with us!

Good start to the new year!

2010-01-08T11:40:00.001-08:00

Almost a week after my last fill and down about 2 1/2 lbs. Not bad. Now that the holidays are over and many of the temptations are gone, a sense of normalcy is kind of nice. The Wii Fit I bought myself last weekend has been fun. I have yet to try my Zumba DVD's I bought this week, mostly due to trying to go with hubby to the "Y' on the nights he wants to go.

Last night we went to the local hangout for supper and man o' man, for the first time in the last week I had an "episode". Not an out and out PB, but the pressure was unbelievable. Just eating too fast and trying to not keep my hubby - who is a notoriously fast eater - from sitting there too long while I ate. I'm still paying for that. Instantly tight and have stayed that way yet today. It's a soft food day today for sure.

I have most of the evening to myself tonight so I plan on finally taking down the Christmas tree and putting all of the ornaments away that I have collected from places I've been - the only things I "collect". And cracking open the Zumba tapes and try some of the smooth moves out without hubby laughing at my lack of skill. Only the cat will be amused - and he doesn't say much. You know why? BECAUSE HE IS A CAT! (Sorry - I think my hubby morphed into me as I was daydreaming).

I really enjoy reading all the blog posts I follow. In a weird way it makes me feel like I am apart of something bigger and yet connected to a small universe. No other place except the 'ole Internet would give us the ability to come together and help each other.

My 5 minutes are up - so for today may you all have the very best of days, be safe, be warm, and enjoy!

The New Year - and to get "back to normal"

2010-01-03T14:28:00.000-08:00

I hope for everyone that 2010 is even better for you than 2009. I've been a "lurker" lately instead of a "poster" due to the miniscule snippets of time I find to see how my ladies and gents are doing. The holidays were wonderful...with lots of family, friends and....work and food. I've been staying the same weight-wise for about 3 weeks, gaining and losing 3 lbs and finally getting a tweak in my fill level yesterday to take me to an even 8.0 on the 10.0 cc richter scale. It's been 5 months since my last fill and it held rather well. Officially, Kristina - my lovely fellow-banded fill nurse - said my down 71. something lbs since April. So I feel really good about that and really about the band. I mean, let's face it, when you love to bake and your hubby is a foodie and the holidays seem to center around food and get togethers, it is way too easy to put on the annual 10 holiday lbs from Thanksgiving to New Years. However, this year I'm down from Thanksgiving about 5 lbs even with all the "samples" and out and out snack attacks.

The best thing I love about the band? I don't beat myself up anymore if I gain 3 lbs because I know I will get it off when I go back into my weekly routine. I can eat 1-2 cookies instead of 12, and the urge I used to have try everything and quickly before everything is picked over is gone. I love that.

For the past 3 weeks my port area has been sore...not all the time, just when I twist a certain way, exercise my stomach muscles, or move positions in bed. I mentioned this to Kristina and also let her know about my bouts with constipation. She seemed to agree that the tenderness is due to, well, that. I always feel so good when I walk out of there. She is an inspiration and is a real knockout as a mere size 2. I can tell you the band did one heck of a job on her!

Hubby and I went to the "Y" today to work out since it is really cold and windy here today. Yesterday after my fill appointment I bought a Wii Fit (and the Wii) since I heard so many people really enjoy it. I'm about halfway getting it set up today. Too many distractions.

Sis is doing really well with her band and my SIL has lost 32 lbs in 2 months since her surgery. 2010 should be the year we hopefully all get to, our really close, to our goal. About 28 lbs to go for me. I'm shrinking right back into 6 year old jeans right now and am thrilled. And of course buying a few new things here and there.

As far as resolutions? I didn't make any absolute ones because they usually don't last. However, generally I would say to be more active, eat more healthy and be happy with what I have accomplished.

Thanks to everyone for being an inspiration and a fellow journeyman. I love this band!

Head games...

2009-11-23T10:54:00.000-08:00

The journey...the weight loss journey. Sometimes I feel like it's in my head every waking minute. On many levels, it helps to keep my mind on the right track to read other people's blogs and get on the forums and go to support groups and talk with my sister and sister-in-law about our mutual friend, the band. But there are times when I just want to "check out" a bit and concentrate on something else. Maybe putting my focus on the 12 people we will have over for Thanksgiving will help. With 3 of us being banded, it's more like 10 people since the 3 of us will eat about as much as 1 person.

As I mentioned before, the compliments are always great to hear, but a little uncomfortable when people start asking too many questions. I went over to Mom & Dad's last night to check up on them and the first thing is "turn around - let me see you" from Mom and from Dad "oh, your face is getting so thin, don't lose any more weight". I'm sorry but I'm really close to telling them that my weight and how I look are going to be off limits from now on. Alot of my weight issues stem from my childhood and how I perceive myself due to my parents (and others) comments. I've always been a people pleaser and for some reason never felt like I was "good enough" in the eyes of my parents, especially my father. I was always too fat or too thin or I should do this or do that. You would think at 45 years old those comments would just brush right off, but they don't - they still affect me. Apparently at 183 lbs, I'm getting too thin in my father's eyes. What!??! I just got out of the obese BMI range, I'm wearing 16's and XL's mostly and I'm too thin? And what does my face have to do with it? Geez. It's amazing how those little offhand comments really seem in your brain like they were shouted from the rooftops.

We had our support group meeting last Tuesday and it is such a great group of women. A small group, 5 or 6 usually now, but very supportive and inspiring. I leave the meeting each month with a renewed sense of purpose to lose the weight I want to lose. A local family doctor who is kind enough to allow us to meet in his reception area after work hours stayed around for our meeting and spent and hour and a half with us trying to understand our weight issues and frustrations. He is really interested in trying to heal the whole person and thought he could better counsel his patients who come to him with weight issues if he could really get an insight into our problems with food and how the band is helping us resolve those issues and how it has changed our outlook on food among other things. There was a lady there for the first time who spoke about getting banded at 450 lbs and is now around 230 lbs and she was so amazing to listen to and her personality and upbringing was something to be celebrated. I can't imagine growing up without being judged by your parents and allowed to follow whatever path you decided to choose in life and given that opportunity. She said she never allowed her weight to keep her from doing whatever she wanted in life. When she was 400 lbs, if she wanted to dance, she danced. If she wanted to do anything, she just did and had a kind of "damn the torpedoes" kind of mentality.

Growing up in a small town, hell I always liked to think I didn't give a shit what people thought of me, but when it came right down to it, I did alot of things because of what others thought of me, or what I thought they would think of me. I was the exact opposite of her. I didn't dance when I was 300 lbs, I didn't want to see the disapproving looks or hear the snide comments, so I didn't put myself out there. I sure as hell didn't get into a swimsuit, so a beach vacation was not something I really was ever interested in. My weight kept me from doing alot of things I would have liked to do, and now that I'm getting fairly close to my goal, I find it kind of ironic that when I was at my heaviest, I did my best to try and "blend in". And now, I'm doing the same thing. One of the reasons I wanted the lap band surgery was just to blend in. To be normal. To have my weight be a non-issue. But it seems when I run into people I haven't seen in awhile, it's having just the exact opposite response. On one hand, yes the compliments are great to hear, and on another, it makes me feel like I'm not doing what I want to do and that is "blend in". It's kind of messing with my mind right now. Not that I've fallen off the wagon or anything, I just find myself limiting the places I go so I don't run into people right now while I feel the way I do. It's getting back enough that everytime I see my family or my in-laws I'm hearing about it, but it's like "enough already". I just don't want my weight to define who I am. And the more I hear the comments, the more it validates that feeling that I am what I weigh. And that doesn't sit well with me.

On a lighter note, my sister is coming for Thanksgiving this year...the first time since her kids were little. Since they are both out of the house now, they decided to come for the holiday weekend. I'm really glad I'm going to be able to spend some time with her. She "gets it" - especially what I'm going through now. We are doing the whole traditional turkey, ham, and all the trimmings. I made a turtle cheesecake to go with the pumpkin pie and sugar cream pie for the desserts. (a sample of which is still in my freezer from over 6 weeks ago! - not a tempation at all). I've got a major list of things I want to get done before Thursday that should keep my busy right up until they all get to our house. It's a whole day of cooking, games, TV, and enjoying each other's company.

So for all of you out there, I hope you have a very very HAPPY THANKSGIVING and are able to spend some time with your loved ones. If you choose to indulge, remember a little goes a long way, and most importantly, enjoy the precious moments you have with everyone and take lots of pictures.

And - thanks again for letting me vent.

Some days are stone...

2009-11-16T16:35:00.000-08:00

Not much of an eventful weekend. Friday DH and I went to a local chicken fry and then home by 6:30 pm. Whew Whew! Saturday we got up really early and were out the door by 6:30 for some shopping. Ended up running into several of my friends at the mall so that was fun. Picked up 2 pairs of boots and 1 pair of shoes and a LARGE Columbia jacket. Yep, that's a large, not XL, just an L. Felt so good! By the afternoon, it was back to watching the Buckeye's beat Iowa and then we were supposed to go to a retirement party for one of DH's old work buddies, but DH felt really crappy so we stayed home. A baby shower yesterday for one of our nephew's along with a walk at the praire in the morning and that was the extent of our weekend. Oh, and I must confess that we stopped in Covington at the market at the Marathon gas station (Harvest House?) - can't remember the name, but they have the absolute BEST sugar cream pie! Had to get a piece after the hike and before we spent 2 hours raking leaves around the house. Believe me - we worked it off.

Today I had a meeting with all the big wigs at my workplace about the health plan which I had been agonizing about over the weekend. Gave them my recommendations about changing administration, networks and Rx service and keeping the current stop loss contract (even though is was a 48% increase!) and they agreed it was the best course of action. And then it was letting all the parties involved know about the decision which was tough because through no fault of their own, our TPA of 12 years is losing our business and I will miss their professionalism and performance. It all comes down to the $$$ and what's best for not just the company, but the members of the plan too. And I look at it like if it was my money, it was the choice I would have made, so I'm okay with the decision. Now the difficult work begins...

Tomorrow night is our monthly support group meeting for our local bandsters. A local physician is going to join us and try and get into our heads a little bit. He may get his eyes opened!

Being from a small town, I'm starting to get alot of questions and comments about my weight. Lots of compliments, but some flat out questions about how am I losing all that weight and what are you doing type questions. My neighbor even shouted at me across the street on Sunday as we were raking leaves and wondered how I was losing weight (like I was going to shout - I HAD SURGERY!) For some people I choose to share the info, for others that are just being nosy and don't need to know - I just try and avoid the answer. They'll probably find out eventually anyway as nothing in small town America is ever a secret. Not that I'm ashamed of it, I'm not...I just don't feel like I have to explain myself to people I don't feel that particularly close to.

How do you all answer those type of questions? Do you have any great come-backs? I could use some - or even an artful way to dodge the question would be great. I'm open to any suggestions!

Beautiful Weekend...

2009-11-08T16:20:00.001-08:00

What a beauty! Temps in the 60's during the day, sunny and mild. Friday night we met up with friends at my favorite pizza place, Bud's, and had fun. Then over to the Wooden Shoe for a nightcap. Yesterday, hubby and I went to Stillwater Prairie Reserve and hiked and kicked up 2 deer along the path. And today, Jerry & Michelle came down and we went to Yellow Springs/Clifton Gorge area. Had to eat the pumpkin pancakes at the Sunrise Cafe, along with a Kobe beef, goat cheese and wild mushroom omelet. Then a long, long hike along the Gorge on a beautiful early afternoon. The boys had to go back to Yellow Springs and grab a beer at Peach's Grill and watch a little bit of the Bengals game. And wouldn't you know it, walking out we are standing outside waiting for Michelle to come out and here comes Dave Chapelle driving up in his new brand new black Land Rover. You know, Comedy Central....Dave Chapelle Show? Yea that one. He has a farm in the Yellow Springs area, but we never dreamed we would ever see him there. Not that we were really looking. Just doing the hiking thing and taking in the eclectic atmosphere of Yellow Springs. So, it was pretty cool seeing him for a short moment anyway. Hate to stalk the celebs.

The scale is moving this week which is always a great thing. I have to admit the weight loss has been much easier for me than alot of people. Don't know why, but believe me I'm not complaining one bit.

Hope everyone enjoyed their wonderful weekend. There are probably so few left around here, so I'll grab everyone I can get!

Time flies...

2009-11-05T13:29:00.000-08:00

Wow, I just realized I haven't posted in awhile. Work has been abolutely crazy with alot of time spent at my workstation and playing IT guru to others. It seems the last thing I want to do at night is get out the laptop. Thanks for all the nice comments about the pics. I'm not much of a pic person but I'll try to do better.

Our company bowling outing went well...and I'm glad it's over. This year went off without a hitch and it seemed like everyone had a great time. Lots of prizes and food so all were happy. I boned up on my CPR skills and got recertified for 2 years. My SIL had lap band surgery 8 days ago and is doing well. But the first words out of her mouth afterwards was that "this is a little more involved than it thought!" Uh, yeah it is. You just wait! But seriously, she seems to be hanging in there and is on full liquids right now. So that means my sister and SIL are banded as well as myself. There has to be a good moniker out there for that! Help me out!

My uncle from FL/OH (snowbird) passed away last week and his service was Saturday. It had been 16 years since I've seen his kids (my cousins)...since Grandma passed away. Wow. 4 out of 5 of them I had to introduce myself because they couldn't figure out who I was. Really? I didn't think I changed that much. But in all honesty, I tend to change my hairstyle and the color quite frequently so maybe that was part of it too. I told my hubby if my one cousing didn't have long blonde hair parted in the middle and tucked behind her ears, I would be amazed. And sure enough...the style is still the same. It was been the same hairstyle she has had HER WHOLE LIFE! Where's the adventure? Where's the mystique? It was a sad service and I had trouble getting through it. Not because I was particularly close to my uncle or aunt (hadn't seen them since our wedding over 4 years ago), but because I knew the next time I saw any of them again would probably another funeral. How sad.

Work has been amazingly stressful the past 2 weeks as I am getting quotes for our health plan. We have a self-funded plan whose stop loss carrier just informed us that our rates are increasing 48%! SHIT! I've been entertaining quotes from 3 other brokers on top of the broker/TPA we currently use and the pushy aggressive sales pitch doesn't really work with me. I want results and not lip service. I just agonize over the decision to change plans that affect 350 participants on the plan. It really is hard to balance the needs of the company with the needs of the participants. And as far as the health care bills running through the House and the Senate right now? I sure hope they figure out how to make it affordable to employers...otherwise employers like mine (with participants with major health issues) will no longer be able to afford coverage for their employees, or even be able to get quotes if they don't have a guaranteed renewal contract. We also have some IT stuff going on with a new ERP type system and new workstations that are taking up alot of my time. And this is on top of my regular responsibilities. Where's the Calgon when you need it?

But a bright spot had been the hubby lately. He's been leaving me alot of notes and treats lately. Today, apparently I am the sunshine of his and Stuey's (the cat) life today. And then there is the p.s. of "good luck with that impacted turd". Damn, shouldn't have told him that I've been constipated. Isn't he just the funny guy?

Your request is granted...

2009-10-20T12:36:00.000-07:00

Okay, I've always shied away at getting a "full body" shot in pictures, so I'll have to scrounge around the house for some "before" pics and post them later. I took one of these last night (the fuzzy one) and Stuey, the cat, wouldn't stay away from me, so I took another one today. Kind of feel silly doing it but hey, I'm pretty upbeat these days with all the compliments. And I'm feeling pretty good. So, here goes...

I'm officially "Overweight"...

2009-10-19T12:52:00.001-07:00

YES!!! Can't call me obese anymore! My weight has finally dropped to the point where I'm just considered 'overweight'. It has been a mini-goal of mine to get to this point so I feel rather good about myself today. We even went out with friends Saturday night for dinner and I had fries with cheese & chorizo (not much into Mexican). So I'm still enjoying myself occasionally but I'm eating so much more healthier than I ever have in my life and don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. My SIL has struggled with her weight over the years and really feels that she needs to tackle the emotional/mental aspects of why she eats before looking at any WLS. And while that is the hardest part of the journey, I have to admit that BECAUSE I've had lap band surgery, I'm able to deal with those issues more easily than I did before. I like the fact that I can go on a vacation and gain only 3-5 lbs instead of 15. That the fact that I have to eat slow forces me to pay attention to what I am putting in my mouth and if I'm even hungry.

For the first time in my life, I've had 2 different kinds of cheesecakes (one of my fav's), in my freezer for about a month and haven't had any. Just not that interested. Before WLS, both of them would have been gone within a week. I've lost alot of interest in many of the foods I couldn't stay away from before. Which is the biggest benefit I've had from the surgery other than the actual weight loss. One of these days I'm going to put up some pics and hopefully allow myself to see the progess I've made. The problem is I have body dismorphic disorder. I can never seem to really guage what I actually look like unless I see myself in a picture. I have fun mirrors in my house, because I never thought I looked that bad until I saw a picture of myself. Then it was like, Holy Shit! Is that really what people see?

DH and I have been trying to take in the fall colors by hiking at the local prairie as much as possible. Right now the colors are in the prime and the temperature is in the high 50's to low 60's...just perfect for a nice hike.

The weekend ended up not being as relaxing as we would have liked. Hubby's dad ended up in the hospital on Wednesday, so Thursday we went to see him and then by Saturday he was back home so we checked up on him then also and afterwards went out for dinner with friends. Our big Friday night consisted of grabbing a bite to eat and getting groceries (along with everyone else in Shelby County). Which by the way reminded me of a gal in front of me a few weeks ago at our local Kroger's who was checking out with a cartful of groceries. I stayed behind her since I wasn't in a hurry and watched as she gave the clerk a stack of coupons and ended up owing 25 cents. That's right, 25 CENTS!!! I told her I wouldn't have believed unless I had seen it. I'm happy if I save $15 (not much of a coupon user), but a whole cart for a quarter? Boy I'd like to know her secret!

Anyway, back to the grindstone today. I'll try and post some pictures one of these days for posterity. I'm just afraid I'll realize I'm still a big fat toad when I'm thinking I don't look too bad. Oh well, by next summer, I should be looking pretty good regardless.

A little relief...finally!

2009-10-12T07:51:00.001-07:00

Okay, okay. I guess I was a little too tight, because now, I feel great. It's amazing what just a couple of lbs will do to make things better. I got my last fill on Aug. 1st and I felt pretty good for about 6 weeks. Then the one and only pb episode...followed by several more instances of tight band days. The weekend before this past, we went to Nashville IN for the weekend and then onto the OSU-Indiana game in Bloomington. Wouldn't you know that whole time we're out with friends, my band puckers and has a temper tantrum. Out to eat a couple of times and each time I had to box it up when I could and bring it back to the room. Of course I ended up eating crap during the tailgating since all those goodies went down fine. Frustrating weekend food-wise, but had alot of fun with friends. Always enjoy "little" Nashville, the artsy shops and lovely landscape. Great little town to hang out.

We stopped in Columbus IN on the way down and spent a few hours shopping at the premium outlets. Needless to say, I did very well. The first store...GAP. It's been years since I've even stepped foot in the store, but I honestly didn't know what size I was in misses. The pants I usually buy don't come in a lower size in Women's so I'm off to the misses departments to figure out what brands fit well. Found a great pair of jeans at the GAP and also 3-4 pair at the Lee/Vanity Fair outlet. I could kick myself for not buying another pair of the trouser jeans I bought there. Just the kind Stacy and Clinton from What Not to Wear would say to buy. I was afraid that they wouldn't wash up well since they were only $21, but they washed great with just a light touch of an iron to get the major sharp crease back. Crap. I'll have to scavenge the malls around here to see who might carry that particular style I guess. Got lots of great things, new belts, lower rise jeans, sweaters, shoes (the credit card was smokin'). But hey, I don't get to shop much and my rationale was I just got rid of several bags full - I needed some clothes that fit!

This past weekend we went to Columbus Ohio to a party my OSU senior nephew was having. His annual OSU Buckeye party. Also, met up with our friends from the week before and celebrated Steve's 50th birthday at Ruth's Chris and stayed overnite. First we went to pick up Derek at Otterbein College, then went to some other friend's daughter's OSU house for lunch and check out her place. Typical overpriced college house. She ended up only being 1/2 block away from my nephew's place so it worked out great! Then my friend Patty and I snuck away during the game and "took a walk" to the nearest outdoor Mexican place and treated ourselves to a couple of margaritas. We called my sister-in-law to meet us and she snuck away from the party too. After the party, we checked into our hotel and changed and met up with our friends for the birthday celebration. The hotel, Homewood Suites, was one of the better ones I've stayed in recently. Very spacious...I wished we were staying more than 1 night. And what can I say about Ruth's Chris, it's just the best. I could have cut my filet mignon with a fork. I truly think they have the best steaks anywhere I've ever been. Plus the bonus, the plates are heated to 500 degrees so your steak isn't cold by the time you are done eating. Great for bandsters!

Hubby says we're going to have to stay home the next couple of weeks to get ready around the house for the winter. I agree. I need time to decompress and focus on "us" for awhile.

Gracie girl (the stray who found her way back) is about ready to have her kittens. And get this, I go out about 7:30 am this morning to feed her, and I look up before I walk out onto the deck, and there is a deer about 40 feet from me. Now mind you, we live in town. Imagine my surprise when I see a big, big doe staring right at me. We had our moment of sizing each other up. I knew by the time I went and got my camera it would be gone, so I just stared at it for about a minute before I opened the back door and it trotted of toward the edge of the cornfield next to us. Gracie just stared at the deer looking as stunned as I was. Wow, what a great way to start the morning. Had to leave a note for hubby about it this morning otherwise he wouldn't have believed me.

Now that my band has been more cooperative the past few days, I am realizing that this is the restriction where I need to be. I'm hoping it will stay this way for awhile longer, since the idea of another fill right now is the furthest from my mind. And recently, my cousin found out her port/tubing was leaking and needs to get it replaced. She is not happy and rightly so. So, that is always in the back of my mind that with every fill comes the possibility that there could be a puncture and more surgery (and more money). The lbs are coming off, ever so slowly. But I feel good and I look much better and the compliments are nice. So, I'll take each day as it comes. 5 more lbs and I'll officially just be considered "overweight" instead of "obese". That will be a nice change and a nice mini-goal.

Easy weekend...

2009-09-29T06:17:00.000-07:00

Easy enough anyway. Friday night hubby and I went to the German Heritage Festival for a bite and listen to some of the music. Didn't stay real long since the weather was cold and damp. Had a nice hearty potato soup that was amazingly good due to the weather. I also got an apple dumpling and couldn't even touch it since I was full of soup. Afterwards, we went to my parent's house and played cards. Mom ate most of the dumpling, I had maybe 3 bites and was done. Better off anyway.

Hubby roped me into going to his brother's house in St. Mary's to watch the Buckeye game Saturday. They were having a "block" party and had their big TV outside on the patio. Pretty much pissed the whole day away from what I was intending to do. So on Sunday, I did about 6 loads of laundry and baked most of the day. I had found a turtle cheesecake recipe in the Taste of Home magazine that I was dying to make and try out as a dessert for Thanksgiving. I also wanted to make a pumpkin swirl cheesecake and perfect it from the last time I made it a couple of weeks ago. Oh, and ice cream, I have to admit I made some ice cream.

Well, both cheesecakes were to die for. I tried the pumpkin swirl that evening and it was great. The turtle cheesecake I had a small serving yesterday and brought both to work. Got rave reviews and a couple of recipe requests. Amazingly, even though I have all this stuff in my house, after I sampled both I'm not really interested in having any more. Before the band, all bets were off and I would have polished at least 1/2 of one of those cheesecakes off already. My desire for snacks and treats have definitely waned. Not at first, but after a few months I've really lost alot of the urges to eat any crappy foods. Not that I'm a master of healthy choices, just that it's more important to me to eat right at least 80% of the time. I actually had 1 tablespoon of ice cream last night and that was enough. The last batch I had to throw out because I didn't eat it within a couple of weeks and hubby isn't much of the sweet eater. Wow, this band has kicked my butt. In a good way. I can resist things I never would have resisted before the band and it doesn't seem to matter if they are in the house...the exception being Lay's Potato Chips and dip. My sister-in-law asked my husband what he was going to get me for our anniversary and then she said that all he had to do was smother himself with chip dip and roll around in some Lay's potato chips and I'd be happy. (She was pretty close to being right about that!). Luckily, he decided to give me flowers.

Last night I went through my closet again and ended up with 3 garbage bags worth of mostly dress clothes and about 15 dresses and suits. I just got rid of a bunch of clothes a month or so ago to the local Catholic "goodwill" store (FISH). Looks like they will be getting a bunch more pretty soon. It's a great feeling to be able to get rid of some of this stuff and say 'never again'. I tried a suit on I wore for my parent's 50th wedding anniversary 4 years ago and it was bigger than when I wore it to their party. Hubby said to keep it, but I said I don't plan to be in this size next spring and put it on the donation rack. I'm going to want some smokin' hot stuff next spring honey!

Anniversary...4 years or as my husband says "feels like 8"

2009-09-25T08:33:00.001-07:00

Yesterday was our 4 year anniversary. Dozen roses from the hubby...YES! I love flowers. It was a pretty mellow anniversary. Neither of us felt like going out since we went out to dinner with his family the night before for his parents 57th anniversary. So we got a pizza from the local restaurant and watched TV since the weather was crappy.

A few days ago, our beloved Gracie Girl came back to visit. Back in July, we took her and her kittens to a farm a little over 3 miles from our home. We thought she would have a better life there than in town outside around the school traffic and the elements. Her kittens were around 10 weeks when we brought her and her kittens out there. It was tough because we really took a liking to Gracie. But we have Stuey and he is king of the castle and likes it that way. Hubby and I were taking a walk down by the new school track and we saw a gray tiger running away. I told hubby that it looked like Gracie Girl and yelled her name. Well, she stopped and turned around. I yelled her name again and she began walking toward me and meowing. We both dropped our jaws that it was her. Not sure why she came back because I know she was getting fed at the farm and she had a great barn and hayloft to hang out in with no other animals at the place. But, she is now back and hanging out in the cornfield next to our house. We think she's pregnant again. She eats more than Stuey ever did and he is twice the size of her. Not sure what we are going to do with her, but it's nice to know she liked us enough to come back.

Amazingly, the pizza we had last night did not show up on the scale. This morning I actually weighed 1 1/2 lbs less than yesterday. It was a nice surprise. This weekend we are planning on going to a local Germanfest. Hubby will get to try his different beers and eat German food. I think his brother and his wife are coming up tonight for the food. His wife is originally from Germany and loves any type of German heritage festivals around the area. Since most of this area is drenched in 'krauts, myself included, she has no problem finding places to go.

The OSU Buckeye game is on at 3:30 Saturday, so I don't know if we'll watch is somewhere or watch it at the Germanfest with the crowd. Hubby MUST watch his beloved Buckeyes, believe me, I heard about it when our wedding was actually the same day as a Buckeye game. Luckily, it wasn't the Michigan game or anything, he probably wouldn't have showed up:)

Being stuck isn't much fun...

2009-09-22T06:25:00.000-07:00

I didn't realize I haven't posted in quite some time. A alot has been going on of late, with our local festival over and trying to finish up the bookkeeping for that. The weight loss center where I had my procedure done is trying to establish a support group for us "up north". When I showed up it was just myself and another girl, but boy did we have alot to talk about. She has been banded for about 15 months and has lost almost 140 lbs. We talked for almost 2 hours and it really felt good to find a "comrade" in this journey so close to home. I came away with a renewed sense of commitment to this banded life and look forward to getting together again as I feel this will just give me an added monthly boost to focus on doing the right things.

Hubby and I went down to my brother and sister-in-laws camper in Brookville, IN recently for a day. My brother-in-law from Wisconsin came down to spend a few days and relaxed at the camper for most of the time. He was also in town to see how the in-laws are doing for my sister's benefit. It sounds like they may come down for Thanksgiving this year which will be really nice. It's so rare when we are able to spend holidays together anymore.

I attended the state human resource conference last week to try and keep up my certification credits for recertification next year. Lots of sessions, information overload and tired butt are pretty much the norm. The event was held in Sandusky for 3 days and on day 2 I ended up getting sick on some food at the conference. Barely made it to the bathroom. I had been tight for a few days, but never had problems getting down food until Thursday. I proceeded to throw up plegm for the next 2 hours back at the hotel room and was concerned...because at that point there was no way I was even going to try getting liquids down. I ended up calling the doctor's office and the doc called me back about 1/2 hour later. I asked him how long I should let this go before I should be concerned, and he said I could come in that night for an unfill. After I told him I was in no position to drive and that I was about 4 1/2 to 5 hours away, I let him know that if things didn't improve by the morning I would drive down somehow and get an unfill. Luckily, I only threw up about 2 more times after I spoke with him and began to feel better little by little. When I thought the worst of it was over, I trekked over to Walmart and got a 4-pack of protein shakes for the next day. I was able to sip water the rest of the night with no problem and Friday was able to drink the protein shakes and a few crackers. My first and only stuck episode...I think I'll start really listening to my body next time. That was horrible...

I took it pretty easy this weekend eating soft foods to let my stomach calm down and I still feel restriction, but don't think the band has moved so that's good. My hometown has a fall festival and I went with my parents while hubby watched the Buckeye game with some friends. We went out to dinner later that evening and were in bed by 10pm. Wow - are we getting old or what?

I was pretty bummed yesterday when I found out over the weekend that my beloved Little Nashville Opry in Nashville IN burnt to the ground this past weekend. I have been there over 2 dozen times over the years seeing different country music entertainers and have some really good memories or girl weekends, weekends with my husband, and meeting the "stars". Gosh, I remember seeing the likes of Toby Keith, Statler Brothers, Randy Travis, Steve Wariner, T. Graham Brown, Glen Campbell, Diamond Rio, Billy Dean, Suzy Bogguss, John Berry, Sawyer Brown, Gary Morris, Lee Greenwood, Charlie Daniel's Band, Eddy Raven, Mary Chapin Carpenter, Hal Ketchum, and a few more that escape me right now. It was always my favorite place to go to see a show because you could get a good seat if you got tickets the day they went on sale. It is also a great weekend getaway to do a little sightseeing at Brown County State Park and go into town and see all the local artists' work. We are going down there in a few weeks and staying so I'll have to check out the ruins and see what I can find out about if the owners are going to rebuild. So sad...

Gurgle...Gurgle

2009-08-31T13:20:00.000-07:00

My band and I have come to an understanding lately. If I choose to eat too fast, it will stick a ball in my gut and tell me NO MORE OR ELSE! Then I have to wait until I belch (quietly) or my throat gurgles enough to let some air out, or beat on my chest like an ape. If I didn't catch the signal in time, then I'm miserable for 5-10 minutes spitting into the sink feeling like whatever I just ate is coming back to haunt me. If I treat it well, it stays pretty quiet and we get along fine. It sure doesn't like it when I'm in a hurry or stressed. And it doesn't like cold beverages. It will tighten up like a pouting child and remind me to slow down.

The rules of a banded life: treated it kind of like your partner. Be patient, kind, work with it, be adaptable, and respectful. For a little aggravation, you get a priceless return on your investment - the gift of better health!

The nurse at the weight loss center likens the gurgling to the sounds of Chewbacca. It is quite embarassing to be talking to someone and you emit the noise of an alien. I guess not everyone experiences this, but those of us that do, it's hard to disguise.

I have to go to a conference in a couple of weeks and I am dreading having to sit in seminar after seminar for 3 days emitting strange noises. I'll have to time my beverages and meals a little better during that time to avoid the problem.

Otherwise, the process is going pretty smoothly. I can lose 3-4 lbs in one week and then not lose a lb the next, but overall it's progessing. I cleaned out my closets over the weekend and hubby and I took 6 garbage bags plus 2 more bags full of clothes to the local FISH store (sort of like a Catholic Goodwill). Now I need some new going out clothes.

And the cycle continues...

Hubby, girlfriends and family...

2009-08-23T16:17:00.000-07:00

Well the past 2 weeks have been eventful at least. Hubby went to see the cardiologist and scheduled him for a heart cath the same week. The doc ended up keeping him overnight in the hospital since he probed a vessel of one of his arteries pretty thoroughly. Apparently, he has a branch off an artery that is getting squeezed between 2 chambers of his heart with every heartbeat, not completely shutting off flow, but definitely narrowing. At this time, he changed his meds and is going to treat it with medication to keep his heart rate and blood pressure low. A few days after the heart cath, his pulse and bp were even higher, so back to the cardiologist for another change in meds. He was off work for a week and missed his fishing trip to Canada with friends and his brother. Wasn't very happy about that. But he wouldn't let me cancel my girls getaway over it. He went back to his family doc this past week when his counts were still elevated and she upped his meds, but seriously it hasn't helped much. Sounds like another change in meds is in his future.

My girlfriends and I went to Columbus for a 2-day getaway on Thursday and Friday. We lined up a package of a hotel room and massage and pedicure for 4 near the Polaris mall and had a wonderful time! For 3 of us, we were virgins at pedicures. And dear Michelle had never had a massage either, so she was a little nervous. But all in all, a wonderful time. Went to dinner Thursday night and my niece and her friend also met us since she lives near Dublin/Upper Arlington. On Friday, we went shopping and got home around dinner time. We all talked like this may have to be an annual event. It certainly was much needed after the last couple of weeks.

Saturday we went to visit hubby's folks and had pizza at Bud's with my folks. Afterwards, we dropped by some friends to see if they wanted to go to Brucken's for a drink. Didn't have to twist their arm much. But we were home by 10:30 pm, so it wasn't a late night by any means.

Today, I decided to make a Sour Cream Peach Pie for my dad....who loves peach pie and custard-type pies so I figured it to be a no-brainer. It is actually quite good if I say so myself.

Chatted with my sister on Facebook this afternoon for a little while and caught up on some family stuff. Lots of drama going to these days with job losses and new babies and job-realignments.

Our little village is getting ready for it's annual festival in a few weeks and I've got alot to keep track of this year, so I'm getting my feet wet trying to learn the ropes. So far, not too bad. We'll see how that weekend goes. It raises alot of money for the local parish and always has a great turnout. Should be an interesting weekend.

E/R yet again...

2009-08-10T08:12:00.000-07:00

Hubby still not feeling well...last Thursday he wanted to go BACK to the emergency room for chest pain, nausea, radiating left arm pain, jaw numbness/tingling. They kept him for about 3 hours and then sent him home. Nothing is showing up. Friday he had his follow-up with the family doc for the last time he went to the E/R. She spent about 50 minutes with him and won't rule out a heart problem. I like her. She has only seen him a few times since we transferred him over to her a few months ago. She's an internal medicine specialist and very thorough and seems to listen very well. She doesn't seem to get frustrated that the issue hasn't been found, but says that since he hasn't been feeling well, we may be missing something and ordered more tests. She also referred him to a different cardiologist that he is to meet with today.

As far as the lap band goes, I got my fourth fill about 10 days ago and WHAM! I now know what restriction feels like! Wow! It really forces you to slow down eating and it really cut down my portion size for sure. Interestingly, since my visit I've actually lost 6 lbs! The weight is melting off and even though I've had a few uncomfortable moments when eating too fast, I think things are going rather well. Saturday night, we went to Red Lobster for some seafood and I made the mistake of ordering a Raspberry Lemonade and started to eat a cheddar bay biscuit (just the crusty part, not the doughy inside). Cold liquids are always harder for me to get down since my fill and with the bread - well let's just say I felt quite rough for about 25 minutes. Once things settled down I was able to eat a couple of shrimp and a small lobster tail and some crabmeat, but very slowly and swallow itty bitty pieces at a time. Mental note - no more bread until the END of the meal and No liquid period!

This past weekend we took it pretty easy and stayed close to home. Friday night, hubby went up to the ball diamond to watch the tournament and some of my old friends from high school were up there - so - I walked up there and we caught up on alot of happenings. It was great to see them. It had been since Christmas time since I had seen either of them and they noticed I had lost quite a bit of weight and asked what I was doing. So, I ended up telling them I had surgery. I can't say I've publicized it, but I don't want to lie about it either. Even though they like to talk and it will probably migrate among our friends, I don't want them thinking I'm ashamed of having it done. I guess I look at it like, I have a problem, I'm working on fixing the problem and this is a step in the process that will help me resolve the problem. The one friend is a nurse and she knows more about it than the other friend, but both were supportive and did not judge my decision, so that was nice. They both know my struggles with weight and they both have had their ups and downs too, so they can relate.

I'm taking a late lunch to go with hubby today to his appointment and meet his new cardiologist. We're hoping he can shed some light on what the issue may be. I really hate to think this is something he has to live with. He's only 48 and this has been going on now 5 years. It really affects how much he wants to do and although he tries to keep upbeat, it's really hard when you just don't feel well. He's such a wonderful person - I just wish he would be free from his pain and be able to enjoy life the way it should be.

Just when you think things are calm...

2009-07-30T10:08:00.000-07:00

Hubby ends up in the hospital. For 4-5 years now he's had classic heart attack symptoms...radiating left arm pain, numbness/pain in his jaw, headaches, nausea, downright chest tightness. About 10 days ago I took him to the E/R since his doc was out of town on a friday afternoon and he had been getting headaches for about 3 days straight, jaw pain, chest tightness, and his blood pressure was high. After about 3 hours in the E/R his heart rate was in the normal range and his heart rate around 50-60 beats/minute and feeling much better. He followed up with this doc about a week later and she adjusted his meds. Now 4 days later, feeling crappy he went in to see her again. She didn't like the reading of his EKG and sent him to the E/R to get blood work and monitored and they ended up keeping him overnight. Trekked on over there in the afternoon to check on him and have Dad pick up the other car and he's feeling just like he always is...crappy but no worse than normal, which was better than in the morning. They continued to take bloodwork every 3 hours, but dismissed him this morning saying they don't think it's his heart. WTH is it?????

This has been going on for so long...he's had 4-5 stress tests, 2 overnight stays in hospitals, several E/R visits, seen 2 different cardiologists, an internal medicine specialist is his primary care physician, and had everything short of a heart cath done and they find nothing to show it being heart-related. He does have nerve damage in his left leg and arthritis near his left rib cage, but apparently his heart his healthy. It has been an extremely frustrating experience. I hate to see him to through the rest of his life feeling as bad as he does. I guess next up will be to get his shoulder taken care of since it seems like that has been bothering him lately. I'm just really afraid that one of these days he's going to keel over and then it's "Oh, I guess it was his heart after all" from all the providers and then do their best to cover their ass. I just want him to FEEL BETTER!!

Sorry for the rant...

Gracie and her kittens are still with us, however, tonight they get to go to their new home. I told hubby that we need to get her there and fast, because old "orange and white" has been literally sniffing around her behind to see if she's in heat. Tonight my friend Gerry is taking them to his Dad's farm where they will have a nice big barn and plenty of room to roam. They will be the only cats there and his dad will feed them everyday. That was part of the deal, otherwise hubby said he couldn't have them. Must treat Gracie like a princess. She's special.

This weekend will be a nice change of pace from the past couple of weekends. Hubby and I will go down to West Chester for a fill on Saturday, and then he will no doubt go to Bass Pro for fishing supplies to stock up for his trip. Other than that, sounds like most of the weekend is pretty open so we can do as we please. We'll probably have to do a little shopping this weekend since I need a dress for a wedding in a couple of weeks and Mom and Dad's 54th wedding anniversary is coming up. But I'm going to try and stay home as much as possible to get some things done around the house. We've had alot of "family" stuff going on recently...reunions and such, that we don't have to do too much "visiting" over the weekend. Down time is the best...

Family time and such

2009-07-21T08:23:00.000-07:00

Our cat, Stuey, had his annual shots and rabies vaccine last night. I told the vet that each year his reaction to the meds gets progressively worse, so he gave him an antihistamine. Poor thing is still under the weather, although he did eat something last night so that made me feel better. Stuey is a grey tiger...14+ pounds and very tall. Great cat, but I'm partial since he's my first pet. The stray, Gracie, and her kittens are still in the back yard. Hubby and I talked last night about it being time to round them up and take them to the farm. Hubby still thinks the young ones need another week. They are really too-cute and alot of fun. We have an umbrella over the bush they chose and a plastic bin with a blanket next to it with a lid overhang for shelter from any rain. You can't say that hubby doesn't have a soft heart for a stray.

Sunday was my mother-in-law's side of the family, family reunion in Burkettsville. A little burg with a church, a bar, a restaurant and not much else. It was a nice time and it was great to see the slide show of when the in-laws were young. He really has a terrific family and they get together quite frequently even though some have to drive a few hours. This friday is the Lake Festival in Celina, so his Mom & Dad are inviting my family over for the fireworks display. We'll hopefully get to see the amphi-cars go into the lake at least once over the weekend.

Hubby and his buddies played poker Saturday night at his buddy's house. Some of his friends that he doesn't get to see much came and played so it was fun for everyone. Jesse, Michelle and I took the time to look into a spa day while the guys are fishing in August. A simple overnight with a massage and pedi and then some shopping the next day. Can't wait. We never did anything like that before as a group so it should be a blast. Although it's kind of hard to find a place that doesn't charge an arm and a leg for 1 night accomodations and a little spa treatment.

This Saturday we are taking my hubby's not-so-little-anymore friend, D-Rock, out to celebrate his graduation from high school. Hubby used to date his mother years ago when he was 2 years old until he was about 8. They have always kept in touch and spent time together, so he wanted to do something special for him for his graduation. D-Rock is going to Otterbein in the fall so he's going to be experiencing alot of changes and freedom in the next few years. What a great young man. There are 8 of us going to a local restaurant to celebrate. We only get to see D once every month or so these days, so it will be nice to spend some time with him before he leaves for college.

I made an appointment this morning for another fill in my band. Not that I don't enjoy being able to eat anything I want, it's just that I feel like I am having to "diet" too much to lose any weight and that is not what the purpose of the band is for. I need to get a little more restriction to keep me from snacking and also cut down the portion size. Although I continue to lose weight, I've only lost about 4 lbs this month in total and would like to see a more significant weight loss that is sustainable. We'll see how this fill goes.

Long time - no post

2009-07-15T08:09:00.000-07:00

Back from vacation...back to work. My hubby and I rented a lake house with my sister and her husband last week near Prairie du Sac, WI. The intent was to do a little fishing, sightseeing and relaxing along with catching up and seeing the nephews and their significant others. It is a beautiful area with gorgeous scenery. Bluffs, rolling hills and neat, clean farms dotting the fields. Both Prairie du Sac and Sauk City have around 3000 people or so each, so they are the kind of towns I'm used to.

The fishing turned out to be horrible. One of the locals told us he heard that the fish stopped biting around 10 days before we arrived. My sister and her hubby brought their boat along so we went on Lake Wisconsin a few days to try our luck with no success. Otherwise, we would fish off our dock on Fish Lake and catch the little pan fish, or go paddle boating or using the aluminum fishing boat provided. It was a nice time to try and read a book as there were very few TV stations, much to my husband's dismay.

We took in the local eateries and found some wonderful places along the way. A particular favorite was the Green Acres Restaurant. It seemed like every time we went by there were quite a few cars no matter what day it was. They are known for their steaks, however, I can grill a mean steak and very few places that we go really rival what we can do at home (Morton's maybe, Ruth's Chris - likely). I chose the seafood platter and what a coup! Shrimp as big as I've ever eaten, lobster tail, bacon-wrapped scallops that melted in your mouth, crab legs and fish fillets. My hubby ended up helping me eat it, but wow it was the best. Blue Spoon Cafe was a great place to catch a breakfast and get free Wi-Fi. The Mason Grill & Pub had great food, and the Press Box was a nice place to grab a beer.

On the days when the weather was crappy, we went to Madison, Baraboo, Plain, & the Dells. Visited the local Wollersheim Winery near Prairie du Sac (beautiful by the way). Shopping at the outlet stores in the Dells - so fun. My sister and I both had stupid smiles on our faces as we walked around feeling good about the incredible deals we found. Coach purse for $68, Naturalizer shoes for less than $20 apiece, etc. In Madison, we went to the Essen Haus that our nephew spoke highly of. Lots of beers on tap and available in bottles. My husband is a kind of a beer "snob" in that he likes to try new and different beers. We had dinner there the last night of our stay with my nephew and his wife. My other nephew and his girlfriend stayed with us for 3 days at the house/cabin and it was good to see them too. Lots of changes going on in the family. My nephew's wife is starting her 3-year of medical school and my other nephew is having a baby this fall. It was nice to be able to spend time with them since they are both on their own now.

When we were gone, I asked my parents to check on the house every day and feed the cat since we decided to leave him home this year instead of boarding him at a friends. Dad also had instructions to feed the stray cat "Gracie" a can of wet food if she was around, otherwise leave some dry food out and water. Imagine our surprise when we got back and Gracie had brought all of her 4 kittens over to live at our house behind the deck. She must have had quite a journey bringing each one over...it's a long way from the barn at school where she had them. They look like 2 sets of twins, however, 1 of each twin is a runt. They are almost 6 weeks old, but the runts only look the size of a 3 week old. They are too-cute.

We contacted a lady that runs a cat rescue in St. Marys, but she already has over 100 cats and kittens she is trying to place and doesn't have any room. So, I asked a couple of guys at work and one of my friend's Dad is going to take Gracie and the kittens in a week of two on his farm. He needs some cats and I would like to keep them together. I told my hubby we need to get out of the stray cat-feeding routine because we are just going to compound the problem. I'd love to keep Gracie, but our cat would not get along with her well I'm afraid. I only want 1 cat in the house and right now we are keeping our cat, Stuey, inside all the time since the kittens are around. Not fair to him. But I hate to see Gracie go, she is such a loving small mama.

I met with my lap band doctor a couple of weeks ago by surprise...he was in the office that Saturday doing the office visits. He said I was going wonderful and recommended no adjustment that day as I was losing at least 2 lbs a week with no adverse effects or issues. I don't need to come back until I feel like I'm in need of an adjustment.

When we were on vacation, I actually gained 2 1/2 lbs due to all the "going out to dinner" episodes and grazing during the day. But it came off within 2 days and it's nice to get back to my routine. I was pleasantly surprised it was only 2 1/2 lbs. Last year when we went to Maine, I gained 16 lbs in 12 days. So, the band it definitely helping and as long as I make better food choices, the weight is coming off just fine. Slow and somewhat steady, but the scale is moving in the right direction and that is always an "upper".

Are your feeling Hot, Hot, Hot???

2009-06-26T07:19:00.000-07:00

Wow...I took the convertible and drove to visit my folks last night for a bit and at 6:50 pm it was 94 degrees with no sun. Aghhhh! Mind you, I don't much care for hot/humid weather. When you're going 55 in the convertible, it's not too bad...in fact it has to be about 77 degrees outside before you can even say your comfortable with the top down. But 94 is 94 and it's HOT! Nothing like getting up and your "behind" is soaked.

Mom & Dad were pooped from spending the day at Bear Creek Farms and watching a (taste of) Branson show. Hubby lost his "cheaters" (reading glasses) in their chair last week and I wanted to pick them up and of course also see the folks.

My sister e-mailed me and said she is still getting used to her new haircut she got Wednesday. I didn't tell her I got mine whacked off too. Everybody seems to have an opinion on it. My mother, well let's just say she didn't like it longer because I'm too "old" for long hair, and now that I got it cut, "oh, it's so short". I can't win. My hair was layered down to my shoulders as I've been trying to grow it out for over a year with little success. My thin, fine, stringy hair and hot/humid weather don't mix and no amount of volumizing shampoo/rootlift/hairspray makes a difference so "off" it went. I'll admit it's pretty short, but so-o-o much better!

I was reading on lapbandtalk.com about a post that posed the question "lap band vs. sleeve" with the poster wanted member's opinions on the 2 WLS surgeries. Wow did it get ugly! For all the support you can get and questions answered on the forum, the responses to that post show just how petty, mean and confrontational members can be and one of the main pitfalls of the forum. I mean, I go there for support, knowledge, to see what issues members may be having with the lap band and offer the support I can pass on to someone else. It seems like you have to be very careful how you word something lest you offend someone and/or they misunderstand you. There are a couple of "posters" that seem to have their "hairs up" about something all the time and I would just like it if they went to another forum. Most of them have had trouble with their bands and converted to bypass or sleeve and spout about all the problems the band creates. In my opinion, it is their experience and not the "norm". To antagonize people for a difference of opinion or misunderstanding is just plain rude and unnecessary. You can clarify by being respectful, you don't have to incite.

Sorry for the rant. That kind of behavior just pisses me off.

Saturday I get my fourth fill and my sister-in-law is going with me. We plan to make a day of shopping down in the area since we both like Dillards and Jungle Jim's. I was feeling okay about getting another fill until about 5-6 days ago when my band seemed to tighten up. I'm not able to eat as much and really have to eat slow the first solid food I eat of the day to "prime" my stomach for food. Last night, I woke up and tried to shift in my sleep and I had some water come back up in my mouth. It was weird to say the least, especially since I didn't have anything to drink for an hour before bed. I'm going to talk with the nurse tomorrow and go over a few things about being tighter in the morning and also the last few days and see what she thinks. If I get a fill, it won't be much I guarantee. She'll probably leave it up to me. One of the "posters" said something this week about that they were tight too with the hot/humid weather. Odd. I didn't think weather would make any difference, but apparently for some people it does. Some say the barometric pressure causes changes to the tightness of their band, or the time of the month, or stress, illness, etc. This is the first I've experienced it. I guess I'll see what she says. I just don't want to have problems, and I've been losing great the last week. We'll see...

The turtle and the scale...

2009-06-18T10:13:00.000-07:00

At 44 years of age, I feel like I know my body pretty well. I know when something feels a little off, and when I'm not running on all 6 cylinders. I can be cruising on the scale and seemingly everyday it's going down 1/2 lb or so. And then the dreaded PMS begins...profound fatigue, migraines, weight gain, and well, the grumps. Seems to happen right when you need reassurance that what you're doing is working. It usually takes me about 5-7 days before I begin to feel back to normal and the scale starts agreeing with me again. I feel like I live and die by that thing but I can't stand to only jump on the scale once a week. The migraines...well that's another story. One that I would have hoped would be a thing of the past, but they still come. Luckily, my physician wrote an Rx a couple of years ago for Relpax and that has been my lifesaver. Since the surgery, I haven't dared to take any kind of pain reliever other than liquid ibuprofen, but the Relpax is like heaven in a pill. Just magic. Amazing how something that used to consume my life is now no more than a nuisance at best.

I've been trying to eat better and am succeeding pretty much during the week. Even my husband is liking some of the things I'm putting together. He wiped me out of the little quiches I froze for breakfast or a quick lunch, and I think he's been dipping into my homemade trail mix (he'd never admit to eating Kashi out loud). I've been trying to politely point out some of the "not so good" foods that I need to try and limit. Like the ham steaks...way too much sodium. The trail mix he bought from Walmart for vacation...not so good, about 906 calories for a 6 ounce bag. But, since he usually makes dinner so I don't like to pick too much. Just make him more aware.

I've been kind of on a kick with the trail mix though. I find myself eating it every day! My own version is about 1 part dry-roasted peanuts, 1 part chocolate chips, and 3 or 4 parts Kashi Go-Lean cereal. The Kashi is only about 140 calories a cup with 13 grams of protein and 40% of the recommended daily fiber, peanuts are another protein and well the chips....not so much, but hey, we all need a little sweetness! Heck of alot healthier than what you can buy and amazingly good. Or my taste buds are just changing I don't know. I'm liking the WASA crackers too that the weight loss centers' nurse told me about. With cream cheese, it's a nice snack.

This weekend my nephew and his wife are driving down from Madison to stay at my folks house for the weekend. We are all going to a benefit for a cousin on my Dad's side of the family on Saturday that is suffering from Chronic Myeloid Leukemia. He's my age and it doesn't sound real promising for him. The Gleevec treatment did not work for him and as far as a bone marrow transplant, well, there is only 1 sister that isn't a match and he doesn't have any kids, so a "bank" is the only place he's going to get lucky. Although the chances of success diminish with a non-relative. He is continuing to work since he needs his health coverage, but the medication and treatments are incredibly expensive and he has alot of out of pocket costs. He's lucky to have his parents and an uncle and aunt that live close by to him since he lives in the "sticks" in Mississippi.

Sunday, we plan to go out for Father's Day and then try and swing over the Celina and see my husband's folks too. Hubby is lining up a trip to Canada with his brother and some friends in August and went to get his passport last weekend. So friday night they want to get together and talk about that. He just found out they will have a makeshift shower and an outhouse at the cabin their staying. He's not thrilled at that prospect, but hey it's only 4 days. When my friends and I went on an overnight pack trip one night in Montana, we had to use the "bathroom" by digging a hole and putting an old canvas "fishing" chair with a hole cut in the middle and that was your seat to go do your job. Try doing that at 3 am when it's about 45 degrees out and no lights in the mountains. You don't dilly dally.

Tonight I'll have to catch up on the quiche making to stock up for the next couple of weeks and clean the house in case the family ends up at our house during the weekend. Our cat will wonder what got into me.

Mundane

2009-06-12T06:52:00.000-07:00

Lately, work has been a drudge. Very quiet...especially on fridays. Our production employees leave work around 10:30 am. The rest of the day, it's just the office staff and a few supervisors out in the shop we never see. Last week, I was the only one left after 3:30pm. Out of seven people, you would think someone else would stay, but no...too nice outside, personal lives get in the way of business. And as the saying goes, when the boss is away...

Since our President was on vacation for a few days last week, it is always interesting to see who finds a reason to leave. All of a sudden, people have to pick up their kids, mystery doctor's appointments, birthdays, fart in sideways, etc. Mmmmm. The only good thing about our President leaving for a few days is that he rarely does. But when he's gone, it is really, really quiet. You see, our head cheese is quite the character, very gregarious and well....loud. Doesn't like to use the intercom, shouting works just as well and is quicker. Gotta love him, but you sure know when he's gone.

Last weekend was kind of a "family" weekend so to speak. My sister in law had a party for her husband's 60th birthday party Saturday night. Beautiful night and the whole family made it along with many of our friends so it was a great time. Sunday, my brother and sister-in-law had us over for lunch since 2 of their kids were home for the weekend. Their oldest is 28, married and living in Grove City, the middle child is 26 and living in Troy and getting married next year. Don't get to see them as often anymore so it was a nice visit to catch up. Their youngest is going to OSU and had finals this week so he didn't come home. Since I don't have any kids, my brothers' kids were as close to my children as I was going to get. They grew up just a block away from my parents and a couple of blocks away from me. Seriously, the town isn't that big.

Tonight we're going to one of my favorite places...Buckhorn Tavern. My hubby and 3 of his sisters, brother-in-law and some friends. I've been looking forward to it. It's really the first "test" I've had since getting my third fill last weekend. I don't feel like I'm at my "sweet spot" yet, but getting close. I don't want to get too tight since it seems tighter in the morning already. I've been really watching what I eat this week and the results have been good. Down 4 lbs. since Saturday...after watching the scale not move basically for a week. I took a Labor Day weight loss challenge thru a forum that I am on and said I would lose 28 lbs by Labor Day. What?! 4 down, 24 to go. It will keep me motivated, even though I don't know the other fellow "bandsters" from Adam.

When I went to Cincinnati Weight Loss Center last Saturday, they were having a seminar for potential new patients. It was the first time I've seen the physician since surgery. There were about 7-8 people there and the doc was answering all their questions. I so wanted to chime in and give my 2 cents, but kept my mouth shut until someone asked about wearing an underwire bra after surgery because of the port location. She said her friend could no longer wear them after surgery, and I just nodded "yes you can". But I learned a few things listening to them and was glad I was there when other people were interested in having it done. Honestly, it's the best thing I ever done, worth every penny. I know if I wouldn't of had it done, I would weigh at least 40-50 lbs more than I do right now and be miserable and still stuggling with the Atkins diet. I haven't had any problems or complications...haven't had any "episodes" of eating too fast or taking too big of bites. I'm very happy.

I actually bought some workout CD's (like I haven't done that before) off of QVC that looked fun. Kind of hip hop...yo. Even though I don't much care for the music, I'll give this a try. It looked fun to do if I don't have 2 left feet. No George Straight on those CD's I'll bet.

Need to quit eating...

2009-06-04T06:12:00.000-07:00

Looking forward to the weekend. Getting another fill on Saturday, which should help. I actually gained 4 lbs since last week! Graduation parties, hubby's birthday with friends, dinners out, and pizza are killing me. I don't even feel good right now, kind of like when you eat too much stuff around the holidays that you don't normally eat kind of feeling. My thyroid has been out a whack for a 6 months and the increase in Synthroid hasn't seemed to help. Hopefully, the doc can shed some light on what is going on.

Last weekend, hubby and I went out with 3 other couples for his birthday. Of all the places he could have picked, he really wanted a Bondo burger at It's It and to end up at Windy Corners for the beer selection. Really! You're kidding me! But it was fun as always when we're with our friends and had a good time. It seems so rare that we are all able to get together anymore. Usually there is at last 1 couple that can't make it when we plan something. So the evening was fun and hubby enjoyed being with his long-time friends.

We tend to hang around friends that were "his" prior to our marriage more than anyone. My hubby, always the one who is the life of the party and is the person people seem to migrate to, is someone that hangs around with friends he's had since he was in elementary school. The ones who kid him about trying to run away when he was little and standing on the corner of the block with his duffel because he wasn't allowed to cross the street. The ones that kid him about ending up in jail for a couple of days with buddies for taking things from the locker room in high school, and then for breakfast drinking their milk before they got their cereal delivered to their cell. The ones that laugh at his stupid jokes and would give you the shirt off their back and everything they own if you needed it. I inherited some really great friends.

This weekend is supposed to be positively wonderful weather and I'm really looking forward to it. Sounds like convertible weather at last. Hubby will say it's more like mulching weather. Yuck! He tells me how much he hates doing it, yet won't let me get someone to do it for us. So I suppose that will be on the agenda too this weekend. Oh well, sweat a little a get a tan. Saturday is our brother-in-law's 60th birthday party at their house. Should be fun...our friends will be there since they are really considered more like extended family than friends so that makes it better. Family functions are what they are...but at least I married into a family that all has an incredible sense of humor and enjoy each other's company. I couldn't ask for better.

Best thing about a long weekend? Short work week!

2009-05-26T10:25:00.001-07:00

Ahhh...Memorial Day Weekend....3 consecutive days to relax, okay maybe just a day, but hey I'll take what I can get. Friday, my hubby and his brother worked at their parents house, putting in the A/C, trimming shrubs, being the good sons they are. I cleaned the main rooms of the house and fed the stray pregnant cat that lives at school who comes to our house every day. Well, now she lives in the weeds in the unsown field behind our house so she can be close to the food and water source no doubt. She's warmed up to us quite nicely. Such a lover she is. Looks just like our cat...a grey tiger, but a tad lighter and definitely rounder. Hubby likes to name to strays that come around. Hers is Gracie and the yellow/white mix is Clayboy. Clayboy keeps an eye out on Gracie when she comes over. He's very protective of her. Man have I turned into a cat person or what! Our cat, Stuey, is an indoor/outdoor cat, who has taken it upon himself to hide in the weeds too now that they are over a foot high. He chased Gracie back into the field the other night after eating. I felt sorry for her...geez, just finished eating, has by the looks of it several kittens in her belly, and having to run away from the 15 lb beast chasing her. If she only knew all she had to do was turned around and hiss at him and he'd run like the wind, she would have it made.

Saturday was my second "fill" as they say in lap band speak. The nurse put in 1 cc this time around, so apparently I'm up to 3 cc's if the doc didn't put any in during surgery. I'll have to find out from the nurse next time how much she shows in my band - then I'll know if he put some in during surgery. Scheduled another fill for 2 weeks to see if all goes well. Since it's been 3 days since the fill, I can say that I'm not able to eat as much, but as far as how long I don't get hungry - that's up in the air yet. The nurse said I lost 8 lbs in the 2 weeks since I'd seen her. I was kind of surprised because all the grad parties and going out for dinner we did the last 2 weeks. And the fact that it felt like I could way more than I should be able to. She asked for an example and I said, how about 2 scrambled eggs, 2 pieces of bacon, 1 bite of hash browns, 6 bites of french toast, and about 2-3 oz. of fresh fruit. She understood. I also told her that I lost 4 lbs in the 2 days after I last saw her and that my body can retain water pretty easily. My hubby's buddy and I always comment that we could go out for beer and pizza and weigh 6 lbs more the next day.

After the fill, I could swallow water fine, it gurgled a bit and the nurse said it sounded like a good fill. I stayed on liquids the rest of the day, soup from Panera Bread that night and wasn't hungry at all. We did some shopping after the fill and went to Jungle Jim's later in the afternoon. Stocked up on all the important stuff...cheese for me, hot sauce and beer for the hubby. We had some friends from Celina pop in to see us that were attending a grad party in our town. We don't get a chance to see them very often so it was nice to visit. Lisa kind of hinted that she would like to see the rest of the house, but quite frankly I didn't clean the whole thing friday night and was up at 6am that morning so our bedroom and bathroom was not very clean. So I didn't offer to show her around.

By Sunday, I could eat solids fine. I spoke with my sister last night and she is having a bit of trouble with the sliming and has vomited a couple of times. But she says she knows she's been eating too fast and that's what is causing it. I hope that's all it is.

Sunday, I went to visit my folks for awhile and fixed their computer. Dad had spent the last 2 days visiting 17 cemetaries with the Legion members placing flags beside their graves and was pooped. Most of the Legion members are from WWII or the Korean War in our area and are getting up in years. So it's quite a chore for them. The rest of the day was ours to spend being lazy, watching a movie, the Indy 500, etc. Monday, we took my in-laws to place flowers on the graves of their parents and step-parent. We drove to Burkettsville, Wilshire and Ohio City and then went to the truck stop on Rt 33 (whew hoo!) to have lunch. Actually, it was good - just not what where I expect to go on Memorial Day. I prayed for all the soldiers who have fought and continue to fight in order for us to have the life we do in this country. We are all truly blessed to live here.

Springtime!!

2009-05-18T11:29:00.000-07:00

This past week my hubby and I spent most of our time searching for the perfect hanging baskets and flowers for the house, and of course, the tomato and pepper plants for the garden. We are really so much alike...we both buy way more stuff than we really need when it comes to planting, but just can't help ourselves. I mean really, how many tomato plants do you need when only 1 person in the house eats them? 1...maybe 2? Oh no, we have 10! I go to a garden center and I feel like I have to buy every single hanging basket that I think is beautiful. Doesn't matter if they "coordinate", are sun or shade baskets, nah, I'll find a place for them. Then I start to think in late July what a dumba** I was for getting all these flowers. Every night, water, water, water. I must be a bit slow.

We had an enjoyable weekend spent with friends. 2 Graduation parties in Celina - 1 Saturday, 1 Sunday. We are able to check in with my hubby's folks to see how they were doing and spend time with our friends, which always goes way too fast.

Last Thursday afternoon, I took off work to take my Mom to Lima to get some "hair". She's had super thin hair for so long and when I mentioned my mother-in-law just purchased a hair piece, she was interested. So Thursday it was in and she had to get it cut and colored along with what's left of her hair. She does look alot better...it's just really different to see her with hair after no long. I know she'll have to get used to it herself. Dad just kept looking at her and snickering...which didn't help matters any since it was his idea in the first place. I think she looked good. But after spending a couple of long days with her this past week, I can tell she's really slowing down. I'm certainly not ready for the inevitable any time soon.

Tomorrow is kind of an anniversary of sorts, it will be my 23 year work anniversary at the company I work for. Wow, so much has changed during that time, and yet, so little. All I know is, time is starting to fly way too fast these days.

Hubby and I are headed back to West Chester on Saturday for my second fill. I can already tell it is much more loose than after the first fill. I get hungry after about 3 hours on the nose, instead of the 4 - 5 it should be. I can also eat a bit more than I should be able to eat. The nurse mentioned is usually takes 3-6 fills to get to that "sweet spot", so we'll be headed there a couple more times in the near future. I'm still loosing a little weight, but it is going slow. But in all honesty with the grad parties and going out to eat lately, I haven't been eating the best after getting all my protein in. Summer can be really difficult for me. Luckily, my husband and I both like to walk in the evening so that should help get us out of the kitchen.

We're both really looking forward to the long weekend...

First fill experience...

2009-05-12T10:03:00.001-07:00

I've been commiserating with my sister lately about enjoying the hell out of my "honeymoon" week...the week I get of solid food before my first fill. Hubby and I went out to dinner several times and to be honest, all the food I consumed wasn't exactly dietary but hey, this may be the last time for several of the items I had so I was going for it. Besides, I wasn't able to eat the same amount I could before so the scale only went up 1 1/2 lbs since my post op.

Saturday was the first fill in my lap band. One of the women there said I had a "small" band, whatever size that means. After speaking with the nurse about any questions I had, the volume of food I could consume, what to do in terms of proteins, exercise, amount of food I should be able to eat after the correct amount of saline is in the band, she went to work.

I really didn't have much anxiety about getting the first fill...granted I don't much care for needles, but I really hate being fat even more. I had to lay down on the table and try to raise my feet without bending my knees so she could feel my port. Then she put in 2 1/2 cc's into the band and had me sit up and drink some water. It really is like a pin prick and goes so fast - less than 5 seconds. When I tried to drink water though, it felt like it was just sitting at the base of my throat and wouldn't go down. Then it would kind of gurgle a little. Odd feeling, kind of like when you drink a carbonated beverage and you have an air bubble in your throat that just sits there for a bit. Anyway, she said I was most likely a little too full and then went in and withdrew 1/2 cc. That was much better! Had to drink a Dixie cup full of water, then I was off. I'm officially restricted!

The rest of the day I drank water and ate soup for dinner, then a little cottage cheese in the evening since I needed a shot of protein. On Mother's Day, one of the booster clubs at the local high school had chicken dinners for takeout, so that was what we had at my brother's house. I was able to eat the chicken - no problem! Even though it was a little dry, I just really chewed the heck out of it. Even had a small slice of ice cream cake - Yeah! So far - I haven't had one thing that has given me a problem. Right now, I can eat about 5 1/4 ounces of food and then I'm full. Full isn't really stuffed to the gills full, it's just the feeling like if I eat another bite, I'm going to re-live it. I'm thinking I really like this band!

I have another fill scheduled for May 23rd, which probably won't be much at all if I had to guess. The nurse mentioned it can take 3-6 fills before you hit your sweet spot of losing 1 1/2 to 2 lbs per week. Heck, I lost 5 lbs from Saturday to Monday! Makes you wish you could lose at that rate every 2 days - heck I'd be in good shape by the end of the summer!

Didn't get to go to Ribfest on Saturday, we didn't get back from West Chester/Fairfield until after 9pm. It's such a nice area with alot of neat shops that even my hubby likes to go to. So we made a day of it. Too many graduation parties this weekend anyway.

Getting better...

2009-05-05T10:20:00.001-07:00

Things seems to be better this week. My father-in-law was released from the hospital on Saturday after a week. He's so much better than when he went in. Apparently, at this point they are just going to treat the symptoms as they occur. My dad goes for an endoscopy Friday and I'm hoping for the best. My sister is worried it might be something serious...the nurse in her tends to bring out her paranoia at times. I took the day off friday so I can take him...mom doesn't see too well in the dark, and frankly, her driving skills leave much to be desired. Ever since I was 16, it didn't matter if it was her car or mine, it is always assumed when it's just the 2 of us, I'm driving. Period. I need my sanity. In the afternoon, I'm taking mom to find a hairpiece or wig or something to cover that fluff on her head called hair. Gold star for me on Friday.

This weekend should be interesting if the weather holds out. Thursday night it's a Dayton Dragons game (never been to one) with friends. Saturday, I get my first fill...then it's off to the Ribfest hopefully. Not that I'll be able to eat...but the bands scheduled to play are great and we should see quite a few people we know there. Never know what the weekends may hold. A little flower planting, weed pulling, stray cat feeding, hanging out with the hubby. Normal stuff...the good stuff. Never forget that.

Eventful week

2009-04-29T10:44:00.001-07:00

The scale finally moved...after almost 2 weeks. That in and of itself seems like a major feat. Maybe it's the banana-peanut butter smoothies I've been making every morning I don't know. But after awhile, you need to mix it up otherwise those protein shakes are tough to get down.

Saturday, the hubby and I were planning on doing our putzing around...shopping, lunch, take a walk, enjoy the day kind of thing when his sister called and said my dad's watch was ready for pickup. They are in the jewelry business and dad's been wanting his watch, so we went up to the store to pick it up and went to see his folks. His dad wasn't feeling well and we ended up taking him to the E/R in the afternoon. As of today (Wednesday), he's still in there. My sister-in-law called me this morning and told me they found a tumor in his bladder...not good. They removed most of it, but 90% of the time it's malignant. He was a 50-60 year smoker and the environment he worked in probably added to his chances of getting bladder cancer - on top of the emphysema he already has. He told the hospital and his physician he doesn't want any "heroic" measures taken. I just pray he doesn't suffer more that he already does. He's such a great guy...funny, funny man. He was asked a ton of questions by the nurse in charge of admissions...like "Are you hard of hearing?"...What? "Are you hard of hearing? In typical Jack style, "Well, I've got a turd in each ear and can't hear for shit". Still has the sense of humor that guy. My hubby gets it honestly.

After returning from the hospital, we celebrated a friend's birthday with carryout and a fire on the back patio of our friends/in-laws house. More so for me since the whole mushie diet thing is throwing a crimp into any dining out plans right now. But the evening was enjoyable and I'm sure Kevin just appreciated the fact that we got together for his birthday.

My nephew and his wife had a miscarriage just after letting everyone know they were expecting their first. And my very ill Uncle Francis passed away Monday after a tough battle with cancer. I hope things start to calm down soon. All the family drama can get to be a bit much. You pray for all and be sympathetic, but try not to dwell on the negative too much.

Post-op appt

2009-04-24T11:36:00.001-07:00

This warm sunny morning, I drove down to West Chester for my post-op appointment. By now, the left shoulder pain is pretty well contained...it just flares up at night for a couple of hours. My port site is still sore, even more so today when I tried to get up at 3 am and pee and the cat was between my legs in bed. Trying to maneuver around so I don't disturb the cat (really), I felt like I pulled every stitch near my port. And then the cat gets up anway. Really, what did I expect?

I have lost 14 lbs so far and the nurse seemed very pleased. My incisions were very well healed and everything looked good. She cautioned me not to be concerned if I gain a couple of lbs. before my first fill since there is no restriction at this point. She also wants me to eat until I feel full after I get on solid foods so she can guage how much saline to put in my band. I told her I have only been eating 4 - 6 oz of food at a time every 3-4 hours purposely to keep from getting hungry. I'm going to try like hell not to gain weight during this next 2 weeks. I've gained and lost the same 20-30 lbs so many times I'm tired of seeing the same numbers over and over again!

The drive back was great! First really warm day of the year so I could have the top down on the convertible and the wind in my hair and listen to some Kenny Chesney and I was happy as a clam! Until I had to be back at work at noon. So much for enjoying a nice sunny afternoon. These days, hardly any phone calls, all production personnel are gone by 11 am and there was only about 4 of us in the office today...so the afternoon went very slow.

I've spent some time reading different forums recently and I have to say that in some ways it's really great to know there are people that live close by that are in the same boat you're in, but then again, there are a few people that post that you just want to blast. No real reason they're posting, all negative comments, ragging on physicians they have never met, criticizing people because their opinions and decisions differ from their own, and generally being a downer. Get a life and go away!

Looking forward to the weekend. It's supposed to be great weather, in the low 80's and sunny thru Monday! Tonight the plan is to relax around home and tidy up a bit, tomorrow the hubby and I are going to hang out and piss the day away...take the convertible, do some light shopping, have lunch at a little cafe' and try to get to where we decide to go without taking interstate or reading a map or using the GPS. Love those days. We have no particular plans for the weekend..so whatever it brings should be good!

April 20th

2009-04-20T05:36:00.000-07:00

Already Monday.....ugh. Seemed like no weekend at all. Friday night I went to the Grand Opening of the nearest Social Security office to support my sister-in-law, even though I wasn't feeling very well. Hubby said he would rather have a rectal exam than go, so I went right after work. He had a checkup anyway and would have been rushing to get back, so it was for the best. Saturday, Mom and I went to see my cousin, Jayne, in Carmel IN. She looked really good even though she said she had a tough week. She still has 4 1/4 months to go in chemo treatment, then when her white blood cell count is back up, she will have bypass.

Mom mostly talked to Jayne and I mostly spoke with her husband, which was fine, he is great and very intelligent, but not in a "I know everything" kind of way. I could tell when we verged on politics we weren't going to see eye to eye so I tried to stay away from the subject. We looked at wedding pics, both hers and mine. My hubby and I got married in 2005 and I still haven't ordered any enlargements...all I have are proofs. I guess when you get married in your early 40's it doesn't seem as important to have your wedding pic plastered on the wall. Jayne's been married since 1983. We were in each other's weddings and shared some great memories. My wedding was the only one she was ever in since she went off and spent 6 years in the Navy after high school when most of her friends were getting married. Even though she grew up in Michigan and I in Ohio, we really tried to remain close when we were growing up. She is truly such a wonderful person. It's really difficult to see her having to go through this and really it is just beginning for her.

My hubby went to his Mom & Dad's to plant potatoes, onions, etc. on Saturday with his brother and then went visiting friends for most of the day. We live about 30 miles from his hometown of Celina and we go there almost every weekend, sometimes multiple times, to visit. That's where most of this family lives and our really close friends. So during the week, it's pretty much just us and our cat. We live such a sheltered life during the week...we both work and live in the same town and really don't venture too far during the week.

I have to say the best days are the ones that are the least planned. Once in awhile we'll go to Celina, visit his folks, check on some friends and find nobody really has any plans that day and then all of the sudden all 4 couples are sitting in a local watering hole trying all the new beers out and then cooking out, or going to a restaurant or sitting by a fire and before you know it, it's about 1 am and we've been gone all day (with every intention of being home by 2pm). Love those days...

Yesterday the highlight of our day was driving down to Englewood and going to the massive Kroger's to see what different things we can find. Not too much fun when you're still on the mushies but a cool place none the less. I've had such a fierce pain in my left shoulder this weekend and really nursed the heating pad. Chewed on Gas-X and Motrin to try and take the edge off, but damn it can really throb. Short of standing on my head for a few days, I'm not sure what else I can do to get that gas out of my shoulder. The area around my port is still really tender and the steristrips are starting to peel away. I'm just tired of not feeling that great. Sorry....kind of grumpy.

Hump day

2009-04-15T06:12:00.000-07:00

Ahhh, the joy that the work week is half over. This week has creeped by way too slowly, probably because I still have that nagging pain under my "cap" of my shoulder (you can tell I'm not in the medical field I'll bet). The place where I "think" my port is, I say that because I can't feel it, is more sore than the rest, but definitely bearable. I'm still getting up 2 hours early for work to get the heating pad on my shoulder and warm up a little bit since I'm a little more sore and stiff in the mornings, but I feel pretty good considering. I've lost all my post-surgery weight so I know the swelling is subsiding. Yesterday, I had heartburn so bad during the latter part of the day and I don't know why. I didn't really eat much yesterday, but the gas and the chest pain were irritating to say the least.

Can't wait til Friday when I can finally have some "mushies". I told hubby that I'm going to have a couple of spoonfuls of mashed potatoes since that is what sounds so good right now. Getting pretty tired of the protein shakes and soup. I have to pick up a few groceries tonight so I'll enjoy getting a few new different things.

I lined up a massage tomorrow night on my shoulders to try and give that gas a little help finding it's way out. Saturday, I'm hoping my mom and I will be able to see my cousin in Indiana and see how she is getting along. I have to call her today and see if that works into her schedule.

Hubby and his brother are going to be putting out their mom's garden Saturday so it will be a good day to go if it works out.

The doc told me that he will do my first fill in 4 weeks which puts it at the first week of May. I'm not sure what to expect even though I've been reading the forums like crazy. Sounds like it is different for everyone.

Sis and I have alot of good things to look forward to. Her son is getting married this fall, and my goddaughter just got engaged this past weekend and is getting married sometime next spring. Both her and her hubby are going on a fishing trip with us this summer at a cabin in Wisconsin. Should be fun. Last year, we spent a week in Maine and LOVED it! What a trip! But can't do that every year...it was an expensive vacation, but well worth it!

Better scoot, lots to do today...

It's OVER!!!

2009-04-13T06:07:00.000-07:00

Let's see...today is Monday. Had surgery on Friday morning at 7:30 am. Everything went very well and Dr. Watkins seemed to be very pleased. Apparently, I also had a hiatal hernia that he repaired while inserting and positioning the band. I was in recovery by 8:30, and leaving for home by 10:30 am. Home by 11:45 am. Amazing. The ride home wasn't even bad.

Friday I was very comfortable...no nausea (they did a wonderful job keeping that in control), only tenderness at the incisions but even then it was minor due to the numbing medication they used during the procedure. I was up and down every couple of hours since anesthesia makes me really drowsy. Dr. Watkins called around 5pm on friday to check up on me and hubby told him everything was good. I can't say enough good things about Dr. Watkins and University Pointe Surgical Hospital for their professionalism and care. What a great group of people. Hubby was impressed too. Very attentive, I met with everyone on the surgical team and post-op was a breeze. I don't know why I had anxiety over it. Even the needle in the hand wasn't bad.

Now - on to Saturday....oh Mother!!!! I have to tell you, for about 10-12 hours there I was absolutely miserable. One of the possible side effects of the surgery is gas pains and referred pain in the shoulder area. I got it in spades. Both shoulders, neck, upper chest. Wow. I told hubby it only hurts when I breathe and when I swallow. What a relief when I could actually fart! That took a few hours, but when it finally came I could rival any that my husband could dish out!

The hospital called Saturday night to check on me and by that time I felt much better, just the referred pain in the shoulders. I pretty much had a heating pad on my shoulders all weekend since the throbbing could really get bad. The loritab elixir didn't really do anything for the pain, so I switched to Motrin this morning and it's much better.

Sunday and today are better yet. Still shoulder pain, tenderness at the incisions as expected, but much better than Saturday. I came back to work today and just took my time getting ready to get the stiffness out. Not bad at all.

If it wasn't for the shoulder pain, I would say that the pain from the actual procedure is very minor. It's a little uncomfortable getting in and out of bed, but hey, I've got 5 slits in my abdomen, what do you expect?

I'm on liquids for another week until I progress to mushy/soft foods for 2 weeks. But in all honesty, you don't feel much like eating at this point. Although my stomach seems to be making all kinds of noises these days. It's amazing how you can gain 6 1/2 lbs in a single day from surgery. Hopefully, the swelling and the pains will subside in a few days and that will come off. I'm going to try and keep my caloric intake around 900-1000 calories this week and keep my protein up to heal properly and not gain anything while I'm recooperating. But I'm very pleased with the surgery and at this point and so glad the worst is over.

Day before surgery

2009-04-09T11:51:00.000-07:00

Been reading different blogs today, getting recipes, reviewing pre-op notes and making a list of things to bring. My procedure is outpatient and I'm the first of the day so I should be home early afternoon. We just have to get up around 4 am to drive to the hospital...ugh! The whole pre-op liquid diet thing hasn't been bad. I won't say I would want to do it again, but it's tolerable. The protein shakes help...more so than broth or soup, and the sugar-free popsicles help to take the edge off. If I got hungry, I just got busy. Hubby and I would go to the "Y", or walk around the park. It helps to exercise the stomach when you're hungry, then you don't feel like eating! In all honesty, I just want to get the surgery over and done with and begin the journey.

Sis went in for a follow up this morning and said she felt like she went back to work too early. The doc gave her hell. She also got to start soft foods and had cottage cheese and said it felt like a 5-course meal. With no restriction, hmmmm, she must be pretty swollen. Her first fill is scheduled for April 29th, so she has something to look forward to.

Easter is Sunday, and both the hubby and my family is having get-togethers. We'll try to go to my side if I feel okay...only because they are closer and it would be easy to leave if I need to.

I guess my only concern for the surgery at this point is the anesthesia...I don't tolerate it particularly well. Then there is the stick in the hand that usually sets me off. Yes, I'm a candy ass when it comes to the poke in the hand. I can give blood like nobody's business, but stick me in the hand and I'm likely to go into orbit. I keep telling myself...mind over matter. Seems like it doesn't quite work when there is pain involved. Food - no problem, pain - give me drugs.

Lazy Sunday...

2009-04-05T12:54:00.001-07:00

Hubby and I are relaxing today, just doing laundry, maintenance on the hot tub, reading the papers, TV, catching up with my sis, watching Y&R...all the mundane things that help keep life on an even keel.

Friday night was fun, Paul Thorn was great (as always). Saturday night, spent some time with friends at their house, them eating chili while we watched the Final 4 games of March Madness. Go Michigan State! Wow, did I say that? Some die-hard Buckeyes hate all things Michigan, but hey, General Mills ain't General Motors, and Michigan State ain't UM. Like their coach, intense, well respected. You go Izzo!

Sis called me today...feeling much better! The band seems to be a little tight in the morning for her. She can only sip, and she says jello absolutely fills her up. I told her about the Unjury powder, so it sounds like she might try it. It's a life saver for me!

I feel like I'm in the final stretch. I continue to lose little by little, so the doc should be happy with me on that front. And if you don't count the small bits of chicken in cream of chicken soup as cheating, I haven't cheated at all on the liquid diet.

This week should fly by. The person that works with me is off on vacation tomorrow and quite possibly Tuesday, so doing 2 jobs keeps me way too busy, but the time goes fast and I won't be able to even think about my stomach, so it will be good.

Sis and I are dreaming of the day when we can power shop together for some "fun" clothes. Seems like we've both been wearing clothes that our Mom would wear for years. Time to wear something more fun and feel good about it. We are both so ready to shine! Her son will be getting married, most likely sometime this fall or winter, so there is alot to look forward to.

I've told a few close friends I'm having the surgery. They understand. I'm so much happier when I feel like I look like everybody else and blend in. You know how when you go to a wedding and everybody's dancing, but you don't want to because you think 'I don't want everybody looking at me, or don't want all the blubber to be moving around long after you stopped moving'. Some situations I would rather do without. And frankly, I'm getting to the point where I'd rather dance. Motivation is not an issue for me at this point. I'm there. Just want to get the operation over with and move on. Next!

Ready for the weekend...

2009-04-03T09:02:00.000-07:00

Boy am I antsy to get this week over. Busy, busy, busy. Sis called last night and let me know that maybe I should re-think the whole idea of going back to work on Monday after having surgery on Friday. She is experiencing a great deal of pain the last 2 days. Since she has had previous laparoscopic surgeries, the scar tissue was an issue that may be causing her discomfort. (I'd like to think I'm tougher than her, but I won't go there). I'll see how it goes over Easter weekend.

I'm kind of excited for tonight. We have a dozen people coming over for a "cocktail hour" before we all go see Paul Thorn at Canal Street Tavern (www.paulthorn.com). A couple of us have seen him a few times and it's always fun. He's got that great singer/songwriter thing going on, yet to hit it big, but able to make a living at it. Really enjoy his music. Kind of like a hidden treasure.

One more week to go before surgery. I have to say it hasn't been that bad on the whole liquid diet phase. And it's kind of nice to have a little more room in some of my clothes.

April Fool's Day

2009-04-01T12:49:00.000-07:00

Today is Wednesday and I've been on the totally liquid diet now for 6 days. The first two were a struggle, but after that...not too bad actually. After a couple of days of Atkins shakes, Carnation instant breakfast (yuck), and cream of chicken soup, I started to "doctor" up my Atkins shakes with a little chocolate Unjury protein powder (it truly is the best tasting - www.unjury.com) and a small amount of 1% milk in a shaker. Yum! 280 calories, but very satisfying and approx. 37-38 grams of protein. Two of these babies and I've got my protein in the for day!

My husband (the foodie, supporter, nurturer, and #1 fan) took it upon himself to make me a homemade beef broth over a 2 day period. It was finally ready to his satisfaction for dinner last night and I must admit it's quite a hit. Kind of like a more liquid beef stroganoff gravy with a bit a heat. He joked that he probably wouldn't be able to duplicate it, but I have to admit it is really good. Not that he ever makes anything the same way twice! He is the "cook" in our family and a very good one at that.

My sister had her band surgery yesterday and she called my last night. Said she had no pain, and really felt good about the surgery. I little hiccup due to scar tissue from previous laparoscopies but not really a big deal. March 31st will be more than just our mom's birthday, it will be the beginning of the rest of her life. It is so wonderful to be doing this together.

My doc wants me to keep my caloric intake around 800 calories prior to the surgery in order to lose weight before surgery. So far, I've lost around 10 lbs. Not too bad!

I received a call from my cousin yesterday that I've been trying to visit, and we had a great chat. She is 47, and only just recently found out that she has colon cancer and a heart defect along with cardiomyopathy. She lives about 2 1/2 hours from me, and we don't see each other that often, but she really has been my closest cousin. She has the best attitude, a very strong faith, and is someone who will make anyone who comes in contact with her happy to just be around her. You can't help but love this girl! I really hope everything works out for her. Their family is in quite a turmoil right now with her cancer and her father's colon cancer also. None of her family live close to each other, so the logistics are difficult. She must undergo chemo for 6 months and eventually sounds like she will need a bypass. Being only 3 years older than me, that really hits home.

Sunday was a bit of a test this past weekend when we went to a 1 year old's birthday party. Complete with pizza, cupcakes, etc. Not a place you want to be for hours on end. I just keep thinking the results are going to be worth it!

Thursday's Farewell to Fat Celebration

2009-03-26T07:45:00.000-07:00

I came home last night from taking a class to find the following note:

**Thursday Farewell to Fat Celebration**
(Pick one)
1. Ribeye's & tater tots at home
2. Buckhorn Tavern
3. Pizza at Bud's
4. Surf and Turf and Longhorn Steakhouse
5. Chicken and Bud's at Sunnyside

What a guy! Wants to make it a party since it's the last night of solid food for 3 weeks!

It begins for sis...

2009-03-24T08:11:00.000-07:00

My sister is in Day 4 of the all-liquid pre-surgery phase. I'm trying to be supportive and encourage her that the end result will be amazing. She suggested cream of chicken soup was great for in the evening...I'll have to check the caloric intake on that one and that the Lemon Italian Ice's were good also. She sounds pretty good and has a great outlook so I know she'll do just fine.

My husband has been "treating" me all week since friday is "D-day" for me with the liquid diet. As much as he enjoys cooking, I'm sure he'll be grateful for the reprieve of having to make me something special all the time since I'm such a picky eater and our tastes are totally opposite. He's "the spicier the better" and I'm "plain Jane" as far as food choices go.

One of my biggest concerns was trying to give up Diet Coke after 23 years of drinking it at work. Since my employer has well water (which by the way, STINKS like an outhouse), I've always drank Diet Coke at work, and I must admit, at home too since we too have well water (at least for the next few months). I like the fizzies, but with the lap band - a BIG no-no. I don't mind giving up beer - not much of a beer drinker anymore anyway. But, so far so good with eliminating the Diet Coke. No headaches I can't control with Exedrin and no jitters. It a change I'm willing to make since I'm not sure that much cola is all that good for you.

Trying to psych myself up for the surgery, since I had a "female" procedure done yesterday that hurt like h*ll - I'm thinking the lap band might be a piece of cake compared to that. Men can't relate. I just know if it was something a man would have to endure, they would come up with a better and less painful solution! Sorry for the gripe, it still hurts.

The Beginning

2009-03-22T23:22:00.000-07:00

I have struggled with my weight for most of my adult life. In high school, I was maybe 15-20 lbs overweight (looking back now at pics I think I looked pretty good!). In college, that's when things went incredibly out of control. Heard of the "freshmen 15"? How 'bout the freshmen 40? That's right! And it just kept piling on after that. By the time I graduated, I was around 220 lbs and miserable. I've never had trouble losing weight when I put my mind to it...losing 50 lbs, 90 lbs, 85 lbs, 136 lbs. The problem was, it never stayed off. I never maintained any weight for any significant amount of time. And I don't have to go on to anyone about how you feel when you're gaining back weight that took so long and so much energy to get off. Let's just say you pretty much hate yourself because of your lack of control.

Fast forward 20+ years. After losing at least 300 lbs from various diets over the years and gaining almost everything back, I decided to have the lap band surgery. I've been contemplating it for about a year in my head. One of the guys that works in the business next to my employer had lap band about 2 months ago and had nothing but great things to say about it and the place he had the surgery. He amazingly gave up smoking, chewing, and about a 10-12 a day Mountain Dew habit all at once along with having the surgery and has had incredible success. What an inspiration he has become and a great motivator I must admit.

My sister (who is 5 years older than me) had been also thinking about having the surgery for some time and due to insurance reasons, had to jump through some hoops to be able to get it covered. Finally, she told me in February that she is scheduled for surgery on March 31st where she lives. That was really all I needed to hear to let me know it was time for me too.

My greatest motivation for having the surgery is our family history. We have a strong incidence of diabetes on both sides of the family, along with a host of other serious medical conditions...heart disease (both parents), high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and the list goes on.

At 44 years of age, I feel it really is about time I took some control over my weight and my health. This is the part of my life where I feel that I've failed. And it has affected so much and been so much of an issue in my life that I want it to stop.

So, this past Tuesday, I called the place where the guy next door, Jeff, had his surgery. My consultation was Thursday! Wow! Things were happening fast!

I can't tell you how excited I was when driving down to the weight loss center. After making the decision to have the surgery...soon is not soon enough when you know you're about to change your life! I met with the counselor, the physician, the nurse, and the insurance coordinator (almost 4 hours)! After finding out I was a great candidate for the surgery (no diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol...just hypothyroidism), they agreed to schedule the surgery for April 10th! Since I'm a "self-pay" patient (my insurance won't cover a dime), the surgery has no reason to be delayed.

My husband, bless his heart, told me he would stand behind any decision I made if I felt like this was what I needed. That was all I needed to hear...he is incredibly supportive, caring, and a great motivator. I couldn't ask for a better partner in my life. He said we would find a way to pay for the surgery and he was even willing to help me pay for it. For many reasons, this has to be my burden to bear.

I have to say that since I met my husband in December of 2003, my life changed forever. He has made me be a better person and filled many voids in my life. I was single for a long time and while I could get very lonely, was okay with being single, but really wanted to find a partner in life. When he came along, everything fell into place.

But I must add as a side note, that when I met my husband, I was at 164 lbs...the smallest since high school. By the time we got married, I was around 210 lbs. At my highest, 300 lbs - not once, but twice! Once after my marriage, and once in 2001.

My husband loves me no matter what I weigh, but I know he is concerned about my health and really is supportive when I'm on various diets...making me only my "protein", keeping junk foods I love out of the house, pushing me to go on a walk or to the "Y" when I feel like a slug. He also knows how bad I feel about myself when I'm gaining weight and hates how it tends to play with my emotions and makes me want to stop doing things that we enjoy.

On March 27th, I start my liquid diet for 14 days before the surgery. I loaded up on the Atkins shakes at Wally World (on sale!) and various beverages. I'm supposed to keep the calories around 800/day during this pre-surgery phase. My sister started her phase 2 days ago...I'm sure by now she could eat wood. I know we will be great motivators for each other. I have an amazing supportive family, in-laws included. I'm looking forward to this journey. Can't wait to get into those size 10 jeans I still have from 2003! I feel like I have alot of things to look forward to. I can't wait to get started! (Remember I said that when I'm in my second week of liquid dieting)!