Getting the focus back...

After two weeks of eating whatever I wanted whenever I wanted and totally ignoring actually having a lapband, I've finally clamped down this week and am trying to get to goal. My little escapade rewarded me with 3 extra lbs. So Monday, cause you know Mondays are the biggest "diet" day of the week, was my day to get started. I want to blame my total lack of judgment on my oven crapping out and still not working, but hey, it's the summer. When you've got a grill, stovetop, microwave, 6 crockpots...do you really NEED an oven? So far the scale has rewarded me with 4 lbs lost this week. But we'll see how the weekend fares.

Hubby hasn't been feeling well lately. Several trips to the doctor and an ER visit and they are still trying to figure out what is wrong with him. Either he is a hypochondriac or the docs are still scratching their heads on this one. He has a family history of HBP, and some musculoskeletal issues, severe acid reflux and the like and generally has been feeling like crap for the past 3 weeks. The problem is, I don't know how to help him and the frustration is starting to kick in. I also feel some guilt because I sometimes think he doesn't always help himself where his food choices are concerned and if he's serious about trying to get this under control, he needs to follow what the doctors tell him.

On top of that, my migraines have been flaring up the last week. Hell I didn't get 1 ounce of sleep last night, even after taking my meds for it. Last weekend was a bit freaky when I instantly got a headache behind my one eye (my usual spot) and when I went to the bathroom I notice that I had a broken blood vessel in my eye. Of course it was like 11 pm on a Saturday night when it happened, so I checked online and it sounded like it isn't that uncommon, so I let it go. Scary though.

Hubby and I are staying home this weekend, or that's the plan. It feels like we've been running around so much on the weekends that by Sunday night we've totally missed relaxing and enjoying the time off work. Need a break from the go-go-go.

Hope you all have a great weekend and do something fun (for me!).

Is it apathy, fear, or what?

I'm down to my last 5 lbs. Stubborn son of a bitches. I can't say that I've been knocking my socks off trying to lose them, but I can't say I've changed anything in the way of food or exercise either. My last weight loss attempt got me within 14 lbs of my goal before I started to digress. So I'm trying to wrap my head around the reason. Not the apparent one of maybe upping the exercise etc., but if I'm afraid of getting to goal. Do I really feel so unworthy that I sabotage myself subconciously? Or am I just slacking off because I've heard a few comments that I don't need to lose anymore.

I don't have a problem accomplishing any goals I've set for myself in the past - as long as they're not weight-related. So, why do not feel the urgency now to finally get to the finishing line, so to speak?

My godchild/niece's wedding is in mid-July and I was so wanting to get to my goal by then. I've bought several dresses for the wedding so I have some choice in what I want to wear. It's more than motivation, or lack thereof, and I can't put my finger on it. Do I fear that if I get to my goal I won't be able to stay there? Or am I afraid that I'll finally realize "is that all there is? - so now what?" I've never been in the position of learning how to maintain my weight, so it would be new territory. Is that it?

Might be a question I have to raise at the next support group meeting. Can anybody relate to this?

Just call me Martha Stewart...with a bit of Paula Deen thrown in

Yesterday was my hubby's 49th birthday. So instead of taking him out to dinner as usual, he suggested we go to the prairie and hike and have a picnic. That was the plan in the morning. By 5:30 we were in the car and heading off for the hike. Well Mother Nature was a little angry last night and kicked up some ferocious weather on the way. So much so that we turned around and as we pulled in the driveway the tornado siren went off in town. By the time we turned on the TV we realized that exactly where we had been was where the rotation was...right when we were there! I didn't see any whirly gigs, but it was nasty and blew up in a hurry. Needless to say, our picnic ended up on the back porch.

After "dinner" - and I say that loosely because it consisted of cold meat sandwiches and potato chips, I decided to whip up some homemade granola bars. I saw a recipe in the Food Network magazine and I made my own version with the measurements given of various items in the recipe. Packed with protein, great source of fiber, and admittedly pretty damn good if I say so myself. I like to say they were healthy due to the Kashi cereal, oatmeal, craisins, nuts....but they also had butter, condensed milk and peanut butter in them. Tasty yes, but also packed with calories I'm sure. I gave alot of them away at work today.

This morning I turned on my workstation and got a great NSV in the form of an e-mail from the guy who owns the business next door. He just wanted to let me know that one of his employees asked him the other day who the new person in the office was next door driving the silver SUV as she was one hot chick. He told them that there wasn't anyone new and that it was me. He said he just wanted to let me know that people have noticed and that I was looking good. Love those kind of "make my day" moments. They seem to come more and more frequent. (I probably was old enough to be the guy's mother - if he had only gotten closer).

Kind of sets the tone for the whole day...sure beats the "shit rolls downhill" kind of days!